Stop Telling Me “Just Go Talk to Her”

26 May

Stop telling me that, you women and gays.  You have no concept of what it’s like to “just go talk to her.”  Just listen to me complain about how I can’t get laid and shut the fuck up.  Don’t tell me about how you would like to be approached and etc.  Don’t even tell me that I’m hot and that if you were single you would be delighted to be approached by me. You are either lying, or you feel that way because you know me, you feel comfortable with me. It is inconceivable to you, the experience of being approached by me for the first time out of the blue. I don’t come off well.  If I even have to consider “just going and talking to her” I’ve already lost.  How can you not know this?  Oh, you’re a woman, you understand nothing.

“Just go talk to her.”  Are you fucking kidding me?  Do you know what this is like?  You have to walk in there with an ENTIRE FUCKING CONVERSATION pre-mapped down to the smallest detail, because girls give you back nothing.  They give you not one fucking thing,  when you walk up to a girl. You are there to dance, do your little stage show, and she’ll either politely or impolitely dismiss you, or ask you for more.  For you to say more stuff; you have to have a whole god damn routine lined up. You have to be “on,” perfectly “on,” never not one hundred per cent “on” even for one microsecond because that then becomes the one blood-in-the-water microsecond that matters and it’s over.  And you’re stuck in this awkward wasteland where you both know nothing’s going to happen between the two of you now, ever, because you showed one hairsbreadth of fucking vulnerability, and you can’t just leave; you have to keep talking, and there’s no pleasant acknowledgment from her that “OK, game over, now I can talk like a god damn human being since your agenda has plainly been derailed.” You still have to keep fucking talking, and she still gives you nothing.

Just go talk to her.  Do you live in a movie?  Even if I were the type of guy who just goes and talks to her, she would have to be the type of girls who just goes and gets talked to without fucking scrutinizing the shit out of you, who actually wants to be in a conversation with a strange male who if he were a woman would be described to guys as “exotic looking.” She would have to be the lone attractive woman on the face of the earth who hasn’t been broken by loud forward guys constantly bombarding her with constant come-ons, which, to be fair, is exactly what I’m doing,  and she’s right to dismiss me.  If she doesn’t want to be come on to, having judged me instantly by my physical appearance, I am dead to the pussy, now and forever.  Just go talk to her.  Go fuck yourself.

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8 Responses to “Stop Telling Me “Just Go Talk to Her””

  1. Sarah May 26, 2012 at 12:15 pm #

    Heh. This is why I don’t date women. Guys are simple. Also, I’m married. That’s even simpler. Love is being able to fart in front of someone. But now I want to see what you look like. Before I was content to read your rants and be amused. See what you’ve done??

    • nikolhasler May 31, 2012 at 9:19 pm #

      Love sounds disgusting.

  2. LE May 26, 2012 at 2:28 pm #

    I always carry pepper spray, just in case some random guy tries to talk to me.

  3. Do this May 27, 2012 at 8:43 pm #

    Take a bunch of Adderall. It’s going to turn into Limitless in no time. You won’t even know what you’ll be saying, end you’ll end up tomorrow having banged super hot chick who’ll look at you, mumbling with some saliva from the corner of your mouth, like you’d do if you had taken back home an hypopotamus while drunk.
    The morning after, you turn from a 10 to a -5, but, doesn’t matter, had sex.
    So, TAKE SOME ADDERALLS, then, go talk to her.

  4. collapseofman May 28, 2012 at 12:51 am #

    Why can’t you walk away? That’s the whole issue. Girls are addicted to attention. Why would they work for it when you’ll give it up unconditionally? Talk to them; if they don’t give you anything, lose interest and leave.

    • collapseofman May 28, 2012 at 12:52 am #

      Either way, this shit is hysterical. I’m gonna follow your blog.

  5. Anonymous May 29, 2012 at 11:17 am #

    can’t tell if you’re a cocky asshole or just chickenshit

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. My Stupid Fucking Ball Sack and its God Damn Demands | delicioustacos - March 1, 2013

    [...] sack and its god damn demands.  Better go out; maybe there will be girls.  There’s one now; go talk to her.  What the fuck are you so charming for if you’re not gonna get in that girl’s [...]

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