John Wayne Gacy

31 May

Did you know that John Wayne Gacy got married, by the way?*  He married a fan who wrote him nonstop in jail and sent him sexy pictures.  Did you know that this not-good-looking multiple child rapist/ murderer managed to find someone to settle down with, while your faithful correspondent Cornelius J. Tacos— a reasonably tall, not violently bad-looking young man who is capable of holding court about Narwhals or the Electoral College or WHATEVERTHEFUCK YOU WANT, people, I will have an intelligent conversation with ANYONE about ANY FUCKING TOPIC and charm the goddamn pants off you, and I have an IQ three and a half standard deviations above the mean and 11% body fat and many fine, interesting hobbies, and am generally a well-rounded and not unpleasant human being— this distinctly non-child-raping-and-murdering young man has been making A REAL MOTHERFUCKING EFFORT for several years and still can’t find a decent goddamn girl to give him the time of day?  Were you aware of this?  Probably.

*Not factually accurate, it turns out.  But serial killers do get married in jail so, you get the point.

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18 Responses to “John Wayne Gacy”

  1. Anonymous May 31, 2012 at 12:34 pm #

    Oh, Tacos… your rants are so terribly endearing.

  2. nikolhasler May 31, 2012 at 1:02 pm #

    Meanwhile, a group of reasonably attractive, intelligent, interesting women tap their manicured toes- toes that they could let go grody, but no, they care about how they present themselves to the world- and say “Hey, Cornelius J. Tacos? Stop fucking whining. There’re a bunch of us who love you, you idiot.”

    • Anonymous May 31, 2012 at 2:07 pm #

      Yes, but that’s his folly. Charming as he may be, he’s retarded. Why do you think he digs 19 year-olds (aside from their sweet nubility)? They’re just as retarded as he is. Dude’s got Peter Pan issues.

    • fakegirlfriend June 1, 2012 at 9:53 am #

      thank you nikol.

    • Jaladin January 20, 2014 at 5:29 pm #

      You mean pedicured toes, nikol. But I like the image.

  3. Anonymous May 31, 2012 at 3:09 pm #

    I don’t know what DT is complaining about. He seems to be banging lots of hot young attractive girls and women. In a previous post, he said he gets emails from girls on the net who don’t really care what kind of a human being he is but are wiling to sleep with him just because he writes funny shit on the net, and writes well. This should tell you enough about female nature, and why if you leave things up to to women, they will almost make the wrong choice for the long term by spreading their legs for some guy who gives them tingles. Meanwhile, the dutiful and boring beta males who might actually make for good long term mating prospects are ignored.

  4. LE May 31, 2012 at 9:21 pm #

    You don’t even like decent girls. Shut up.

  5. Anonymous May 31, 2012 at 9:40 pm #

    Lmao. And no matter how much everyone points out that you don.t want a decent girl and all you do is whine, you.re going to go on with the game like your waiting for some magical woman to find you. Like you havent been trying to avoid her all your life. :/ make up your mind sucka.

  6. Anonymous May 31, 2012 at 10:38 pm #

    I’m right here

    • nikolhasler May 31, 2012 at 10:54 pm #

      Delicious Tacos & Anonymous Invite You To Witness Their Union at the Orange County Fairgrounds right after the Pie Eating Contest.

      You jerks better have a chocolate fountain and a decent DJ. Not a fucking band. A DJ.

      • Anonymous June 1, 2012 at 9:15 am #

        of course there will not be a band.
        and of course you will be the best man.

  7. Anonymous June 1, 2012 at 4:13 am #

    Christ. You and Nikol need to get a room already. From reading your posts, there’s mutual attraction and you already are best friends and have that sort of communal, centralized family hang-outs. Perhaps it’s just two extremely flirtateous people, but goddamn, there’s two similar aged, similar minded people staring right the fuck at each other and not doing a damn thing.

    Nikol obviously finds you attractive and her kid approves. You need to get out of your George Clooney rut and realize that no 20-year-old girl, I say girl, not woman is ever going to be relationship material with you, especially when you were 16 when they were born. No 20-year-old LA girl is relationship material in general. Ugh. Let’s rob the cradle a little more. Old enough to read, old enough to breed?

    This is like a Zooey Deschanel rom-com gone bad. Mutual destructive friend-zoning (god I hate that word) to the max.

  8. Anonymous June 1, 2012 at 1:11 pm #

    yeah, seriously, STFU already about how you can’t find a decent girl, blah blah.

    And I’m not one of your female groupies here. I’m a guy and let me tell you.. you’re way far ahead than most us. You are getting laid and with hot young girls and older women. So you already have your foot in the door, so as to speak. Many of us can’t even get to that point where we can get a woman’s attention, let alone a relationship. And it’s not because we’re “fat” and grotesque, let me tell you. We’re just normal, average decent guys. The deck is stacked against these days with with the combination of feminism and female hypergamy unleashed.

    Anyway, I’m sure there are plenty of women who wouldn’t mind more than that one night stand with you. You’re the one who doesn’t seem to want more. Your posts are full of contradictions. In some of them, you say you’re so skilled at getting laid that you don’t care about pussy anymore. It’s just another job, you say. So clearly, it’s not that you can’t get the attention of these girls and women or can’t get them to sleep with you. If you really want a relationship, you need to stop sleeping with young girls who aren’t exactly long term material. Find a woman around your own age who is also ready for a real relationship.

    Also, +1 to that post above about you and Nikol getting a room already. Seriously, wtf? You two seem perfect for each other. What a fucking waste. Stop whining already, you asshole. You have no idea how good you have it compared to the rest of us.

    • anonymous June 2, 2012 at 8:14 pm #

      Bravo btw, for being the first one to point out the fact that there are massive contradictions between all his posts! It was puzzling at first, then annoying, but now I’ve come to expect it. I’ve almost pointed it out a few times but didn’t have the energy. ;) His writing is quite enjoyable so for that, I remain amused!

    • Jake July 31, 2012 at 4:11 am #

      No. Don’t get married. Keep doing what you do, just grow some balls re:careerjobfinancesblabla and get out of the U.S. for a while.

  9. Anonymous June 1, 2012 at 1:49 pm #

    I bet you’re one of those preppy ‘School Ties’ boys with a huge chip on your shoulder for being – what?! – a tall white guy without micro-penis. The injustice of it all. Your heart is winter, nothing but ice to break.

  10. Mike Hunt June 10, 2012 at 11:44 pm #

    JWG was married.

  11. Luke January 30, 2013 at 1:01 am #

    Daniel Amneus’s “The Garbage Generation” and Roger Devlin’s “Home Economics” (both online for free) answer this well.

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