I used to do coke for three days at a time and then crash by compulsively masturbating for hours. I used to roll around with my degenerate buddies in the back of a pickup truck, fucked up on pills, throwing homemade pipe bombs at people’s houses. I dated a crackhead and was engaged to a needle junkie. I impregnated one girl who miscarried on heroin and another, a daughter of one of my professors, who was fifteen years old. I went to a mental institution after threatening to jump out the window of my fiancee’s apartment. I took 50 10-mg. ritalins in one night. I resuscitated a guy from a heroin overdose in my house by giving him CPR; he had been eating coffee grounds for some reason and he vomited them when he awoke. It looked like potting soil. I fell off my bike and ripped off my entire thumb; it had to be surgically reattached. My girlfriend overslept when we had a date and I reacted by kicking her car over and over, leaving dozens of huge dents. I often had the chance to fuck hot girls but I was impotent from cocaine so I would pretend that I wanted to stop for emotional reasons. I only ever devirginized one chick but I came from the tightness when I got it halfway in– so I pretended, again, that I wanted to stop for emotional reasons. She was menstruating so I don’t think she noticed my nut. I made out with a man a couple times. I have fucked prostitutes on several occasions and in fact barebacked one repeatedly. I had a medical condition that would cause me to shit myself at work. My left nut is the size of a fist. The first time I ever masturbated, I thought that it was something no one had ever accomplished before and that I would be renowned as a great genius for discovering it. I fucked a three hundred pound woman. I once fucked a hooker doggystyle with a hemorrhoid coming out of her butthole. I jerked it a bunch to horse porn, and a couple times to a Japanese chick getting fucked by a boston terrier.
Anyway, good morning.
Tacos, I like you. You make me feel less fucked up every day.
Are you breaking down, man? Are you okay?
Not sure which is more ostentatiously pathetic, this or me quietly crying while deleting Arthur Russell’s “That’s Us,” from my ITunes library.
Can you just refer them to the old stuff and post new stuff?
gos ah haate ss
Does this mean you hate me or you’re calling me a hater?
oh now it works. okay this was pretty shocking to me. LOVED IT THANKS
Where you bullied as a kid or something?
And someone recently said this to *me* about my shit, jeez:
“It gets to be a lot. And just–gets to be a
lot…”
I once killed a man with a pool cue.