I heard you were fucking some cop from Orange County, and you went out to stay in his condo on some river in Arizona, and you took Faye with you, and that she fucked him while you were there. And now you’re pissed at her. I heard you fucked Donny, the lord of the douchebags, and he went around telling everybody you had big floppy taco tits. I heard you fucked Steve Norwood, the hunchback albino, and that he went around telling everybody you had a loose pussy. I heard right after you dated me you got back together with your ex, the worst screenwriter in Hollywood– you were always waxing Proustian about how he was evil and abusive. But you got back together with him. And then you complained about him again. I heard you fucked like hundreds and hundreds of guys. I know you didn’t make me wear a condom so you probably didn’t make them either. You probably have herpes.
But I would still get back together with you.