Junkie Ex Fiancee Part 2

26 Jul

She was my first girlfriend. I got engaged to my first girlfriend. She wasn’t very attractive. Almost a midget, she was like– I’m sorry, not a midget… not a generic little person either– she was almost a dwarf. She was 4′ 11″ and had to some degree the slighly out of proportion head and limbs of someone with true dwarfism, or achondroplasia. Like Warwick Davis or Weeman from Jackass.

Her fingers were stumpy, like little baby carrots, and her feet were preternaturally broad and short like hobbit-feet. In fact overall she was almost gnomelike in appearance… homonculoid… she got fat, too, once she started doing a lot of smack…

I had never had a girlfriend before. It was my own fault, mostly. I was fat through most of high school– or not fat but fucking pudgy, flabby, spongey, doughey– that certain kind of cheesey, marbled fatness that only very white people can get, a big pregnant gut and broad fleshy thighs, and I had of course my big broken crooked nose in my fat formless, face, and long crusty hair down to my ass. Girls were right not to fuck me. Not to even talk to me. I had no idea that I was so unattractive. I thought that I was such a smart, charming person that people should have wanted to be with me. I had no idea that girls were judging me on terms just as shallow as I was judging them. I was an idiot.

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3 Responses to “Junkie Ex Fiancee Part 2”

  1. sylviasarah July 27, 2012 at 9:14 am #

    Are you ok?

  2. Another Mary July 27, 2012 at 10:19 am #

    I feel pained by this.

  3. Anonymous August 1, 2012 at 5:02 pm #

    You are hardcore Barney Stinson.

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