Dear Molly Part Twelve

25 Sep

Look- here’s the deal:

You are broke

Hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt

You just turned thirty, and your eggs are dried up, only good for autistic retarded children

Our industry is collapsing

You live in squalor with filthy pets

You are a revolving door of meaningless relationships with untalented comedians who will only endlessly break your heart

In a cycle of diminishing returns

BUT

BUT, MOLLY

Wait, brb

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24 Responses to “Dear Molly Part Twelve”

  1. Christy September 25, 2012 at 4:28 pm #

    LMAO at Molly’s eggs being dried up at 30…that’s when most people START their families these days. Molly has a good decade ahead of her still to breed healthy kids. Now, the untalented comedians, however, are always a bad decision.

    • jimmy conway September 25, 2012 at 7:24 pm #

      sounds like somebody’s 30th birthday’s coming up!

      • Anonymous September 25, 2012 at 9:53 pm #

        According to a fertility doctor friend, a woman’s fertility only starts becoming an issue at 35.

      • collapseofman September 27, 2012 at 2:28 am #

        Starts dropping off at 25, reduced by about 50-60% by 30. Most people probably just fuck twice as often. I don’t know how you define “an issue” though.

      • Christy September 26, 2012 at 12:18 am #

        Aww that’s so sweet…I’m actually 38 and have had my kids though! I started at 34 and everything went swimmingly. My husband is a talented TV editor, not an untalented comedian, although I will say that he’s not immune to the creative moodiness disease from time to time, so I sympathize with Molly!

      • Anonymous September 27, 2012 at 9:23 am #

        Lol at “talented” tv editor. Lmfao.

      • Christy September 28, 2012 at 9:52 am #

        Now, now, Anon. I said he was a talented tv editor, but that doesn’t mean tv editing is what he’s talented at. Wink.

    • Hailey September 25, 2012 at 11:03 pm #

      That may be true, but the cutoff age for selling your eggs is 29. Once you turn 30 they won’t buy them anymore. Actually some places it’s 27 or 28, I think. They really want college girls’ eggs… Super fertile (says the girl who had two abortions in college).

      • Christy September 26, 2012 at 3:41 am #

        Oh yes, when selling or buying eggs it’s a whole other ball game…I’m sure that if I had to shop for someone else’s eggs, I’d want some tender, juicy college ones too! ;) I was assuming DT meant that it was too late for her to have her OWN children, which is wrong.

      • Christy September 26, 2012 at 3:42 am #

        Now I’m hungry for eggs.

      • Anonymous September 27, 2012 at 9:28 am #

        Ironically speaking of untalented comedians..

    • dressyarson September 26, 2012 at 12:56 am #

      At age 30 the statistical likelihood of giving birth to a mongoloid increases dramatically. By age 35 the likelihood is approximately tripled.

      • Christy September 26, 2012 at 1:32 am #

        That’s where amino comes in handy though. Did you know that the vast majority of Down Syndrome babies are born to women in their 20’s? That’s because women over 35 generally opt for amino, whereas younger women don’t (and shouldn’t have to, but it does result in some, uh, unexpected events sometimes.)

      • Christy September 26, 2012 at 1:33 am #

        Amnio, not amino…damn you, autocorrect.

      • Anonymous September 27, 2012 at 9:29 am #

        Christy’s feeling a bit defensive about her age..

    • Anonymous September 26, 2012 at 2:11 am #

      A woman is most fertile and most horny and most able to orgasm multiple times (ie stamina) between 30 and 35.
      You are such a loser DT.

      • Anonymous September 26, 2012 at 9:30 am #

        And there we have it.

        “you’re such a loser”

        I predict “wow, just wow” next.

        Or maybe “man up”

        Didn’t take long did it.

      • Bronan the Barbarian! September 26, 2012 at 9:39 am #

        You go grrrrrl! Or is it “you go, Whiny Mangina White Knight?” Hard to tell with those anonymous handles.

        Where’d you get this statistic? The back of Cougar Prowl Monthly? Wave your dick in the general direction of an 18 year old and she’s knocked up.

        Maybe you said “most fertile” when you really mean “suddenly hoping for children after 15 years on the dick train and doing everything possible to start her very own tard farm while dusty sexual obsolescence creeps ever nearer.”

      • collapseofman September 27, 2012 at 2:32 am #

        God that’s untrue

      • Anonymous September 27, 2012 at 9:25 am #

        It’s sad that women are most fertile and horny after they’ve passed their prime.

    • Christy September 28, 2012 at 9:51 am #

      Now, now, Anon. I said he was a talented tv editor, but that doesn’t mean tv editing is what he’s talented at. Wink.

      • Christy September 28, 2012 at 9:53 am #

        Whoops wrong spot. (That’s what SHE said)

  2. Anonymous September 26, 2012 at 8:52 pm #

    molly is a sexy name

  3. Luke January 30, 2013 at 12:59 am #

    There is something insidious and horrible that starts to kick in around age 34-35 for women conceiving children. It is universal for all women, cannot be tested for to avoid, and cannot be avoided. Basically, there is a roughly even trade off between advancing genetic maternal age after that point and reduced vitality and life expectancy in daughters. So, if a woman aged 39 (when the ovum is extracted) conceives a daughter, about 6 years, or 10%, is taken off any daughter’s lifespan and health. At 44, it’s about 10 years, or 15%. And, it’s not “they just die at 72 instead of 82, with everything else the same until then”. All through those daughter’s lives, their health, their vitality, their vigor, their life expectancy are reduced at every age. Women should have all their kids before 30.

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