This chick. It pisses me off that she’s fucking other guys. I wish we could be in a monogamous relationship, because it would make it so much easier for me to pull other pussy.
I need some new ass. I have a hankering for a chubby chick. When you are dating a slender Asian woman you get a stirring in your loins for a freckly strawberry blonde with giant milky titties, so white there are blue veins visible, and a squidgy muffin top. A chick with a big fat pussy, a fleshy pubic fat pad laid out so that there is no boundary to the outer pussy lips. No separation between vulva and gunt, it’s just a big mound of flab tapering down to a “V” with a sweaty slit. A meaty ass with just a hint of cellulite; stretch marks like a zebra. The type of girl who knows you’re not going to call her. Who wonders why you’re even going out with her in the first place. The type of girl who knows she better make the pussy count. Who isn’t pissed if you cum too fast; she’s grateful that you fucked her at all. In other words, a girl from OKCupid.
That’s the kind of chick I want to cheat on this chick with. I want to have cheating sex with a tubby little internet piglet. I want to nut too fast and never call her again. I want hot cheating sex with someone who is way less attractive than the person I am fucking regularly. To make it clear that I could be throwing the relationship away for nothing. For a fat chick. I could go on OKCupid today and make this happen but I would have full moral authority to do so and would not be hurting or deceiving anybody, therefore it is not an arousing enough idea to be worth the hassle of going back on OKCupid. Cleaning up my profile, making room in my inbox, searching for girls and messaging them my copy-paste one liner, which is “I bet even Jennifer Connelly’s own mother looks at her and thinks: ‘ass to ass.’” Any girl who remembers that scene will fuck you.
Any girl who smokes will fuck you. Any girl with her body type facetiously listed as “used up” will fuck you. Any woman of Hispanic extraction will fuck you. Any Asian woman of any body type besides “thin” will fuck you. In fact, any woman at all with a body type outside of “thin” or “fit” will fuck you. Any girl who agrees to the first meeting place you propose, which is far from her but close to your insect-infested jack shack, will fuck you; any girl who says “that’s a little far, can we meet in (X neighborhood) instead?” will not fuck you and should be jettisoned.
Any girl who talks about “my son is my world and I need a man who is OK with that” will not fuck you, but any woman who has a kid and doesn’t belabor it in her profile will fuck you. Be sure to pull out. Any girl with pics of her tattoos will fuck you. Any girl with a picture of her dog will not fuck you. Dog dick only I guess. Any girl who doesn’t own a car will fuck you. Any girl who lives with her parents will fuck you, maybe just to get out of the house. Armenian girls will fuck you but only on the second date. Jewish girls will surprise you. Most of them are a pain in the ass but once in a while God’s chosen people will throw you a sexy little whore. Check how much she drinks. Black girls, I don’t know; all the ones on OKC are mutants or illiterate. We need to get word out to the community.
Every girl with weird teeth will fuck you, and they will make it apparent that they are going to fuck you at the star of the date. Every girl who mentions being insecure about being short will fuck you, not realizing that their smallness is a huge asset since all men secretly want to fuck children. Tall girls, I don’t know; tall girls disgust me. Girls who say they are into video games will not fuck you. Too many nerds coming at them maybe; they get stuck up. Girls who are into French poetry will fuck you till your sac falls off.
And if she’ll fuck you, she’ll fuck you without a condom. No girl ever makes a big deal about it. Or maybe one in a hundred. One girl asked me to get a condom while she was putting my unprotected dick inside of her. All resistance can be easily talked down. Eat their pussy until they get hot. They know that you’re just gonna nudge your morning wood into them raw the next morning anyway, after cuddling naked all night– no one does not do this. So why bother with the formality.
None of them are ever on birth control, ever. You always have to pull out. This used to piss me off, but as I age I realize there is something about the way girls on birth control smell that makes them like fucking a corpse. But they are never on birth control and they are always ovulating, and I find it flattering that that’s the time they want to go out on a date. Some part of them wants to carry my seed, after reading on the internet about what a jerkoff I am.
But anyway, yeah. That’s what I want. To make this girl my girlfriend so I can cheat on her with whores off OKCupid. Some men dream of curing cancer.