Warwick Davis Speaks to His Agent on the Day The Lord of the Rings Films Are Announced: A Play in One Act

19 Dec

warwick-davis

“… yes, I’ll hold… hello? Clive? Clive! Have you seen the bloody papers? Today’s the day! This is what we’ve been waiting for! Fur coats, Clive! Cars! Jesus, Imagine the wome–

“What?

“Wait, so they’re using… with forced… what? Oh. Oh….

“I… yes, yes it’s fine. ‘Back 2 Tha Hood’ this one’s called… very well. Let me know when the plane’s booked.”

A small hand throws a Bible in the trash.

10 Responses to “Warwick Davis Speaks to His Agent on the Day The Lord of the Rings Films Are Announced: A Play in One Act”

  1. Anonymous December 19, 2012 at 10:56 pm #

    i need more.

  2. Anonymous December 19, 2012 at 10:59 pm #

    I think the obscure references to entertainment industry tropes like forced perspective and direct-to-video urban titles have something to do with dick size again? tl;dr

  3. Anonymous December 20, 2012 at 9:47 pm #

    Is it a reference to that kid’s clitoral hood?!

  4. Anonymous December 20, 2012 at 10:15 pm #

    C’ mon man. Your obsession with little people is just a thinly veiled reference to your underdeveloped personhood. Kill yourself or grow the fuck up. Jesus. It’s getting tedious. You aren’t even Jim Norton and he sucks.

    • Anonymous above is a jealous faggot. December 21, 2012 at 11:28 am #

      C’mon man. Your obsession with DT is just a thinly veiled reference to your underdeveloped penis. Kill yourself or grow your penis somehow. Jesus. You aren’t even a female yet your dick gets confused with a clitoris.

      • Anonymous December 21, 2012 at 10:11 pm #

        woah.

    • Anonymous December 22, 2012 at 6:59 pm #

      Ah, it might be contextual to mention to would be pua trolls that all mentions on said subject are not particularly enlightening unless ironic: I recommend ‘consider the lobster’, knowyourmeme, or at last resort jezebel for pointers on this most postmodernist of concepts. Then, once you have mastered this most ephemeral of concepts AND made sylvia sarah spray her cervical mucus, then give your punditry skills another shot.

      • Anonymous December 23, 2012 at 9:27 am #

        Lol at sylviasarah’s metaphorical cumjuice being the litmus test for incisive commentary.

      • Anonymous December 23, 2012 at 4:47 pm #

        another well-regarded option is brief interviews with hideous men.

  5. Anonymous December 22, 2012 at 10:56 am #

    Bravo!!

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