She broke my toe somehow, with her high heel. She broke my toilet. I could hear it running; I was still too drunk to get up. I just heard a soothing trickle like a rain forest waterfall. It was toilet water saturating the rug. Now my apartment will never not smell like mildew. She bled all over my sheets. Why do girls always get their fucking period at my house, it’s like I have some kind of hormone in the air. I like to think they’re aborting some other man’s seed in preparation for me ravishing their womb. But they always get their fucking period, which, it’s part of nature but it’s fucking disgusting.
Still. What a piece of ass.
I met her at a “luchador” themed party. There were people actually wrestling; she was the ref, wearing a “slutty ref” Halloween costume. Mexican chick with a meaty ass and big titties. That’s my type, you know. A woman. One of those girls where your first eye contact says you’re gonna fuck some day. Still, that was four months ago. Didn’t speak since, then she threw a party and I got a text. I was hammered by the time I got there. Then drinking and drinking and drinking. I didn’t punch anybody or piss myself. I talked to a man about eye cream. He was thirty seven years old, and then waited for you to tell him he didn’t look it. Because of eye cream. Don’t fall for the cheap shit, he said, you need the real stuff you can only buy out of a catalog. Her roommate threw us all out and we got a cab to my place. Too drunk to fuck at night but this is one of those girls where you can actually get off in the morning. One of the rare cases where I ejaculated, but did not ejaculate immediately. I was actually able to have penetrative sex without fizzling out or nutting in two seconds. I needed this, to prove that I’ve matured past age ten in terms of sexual performance. Still, where were you, dick, six weeks ago, when you might have kept Gertrude around.
I cracked my little toe against the big high heel she was wearing. Which, fine. Now it’s black and blue and hurts to put a sock on. But at least I got laid.
As with all other women, she left her panties and earrings behind.