Weekend Journal 12-16-12: The Ref

22 Dec

foot

She broke my toe somehow, with her high heel.  She broke my toilet.  I could hear it running; I was still too drunk to get up. I just heard a soothing trickle like a rain forest waterfall.  It was toilet water saturating the rug.  Now my apartment will never not smell like mildew.   She bled all over my sheets.   Why do girls always get their fucking period at my house, it’s like I have some kind of hormone in the air.  I like to think they’re aborting some other man’s seed in preparation for me ravishing their womb.  But they always get their fucking period, which, it’s part of nature but it’s fucking disgusting.

Still.  What a piece of ass.

I met her at a “luchador” themed party.  There were people actually wrestling; she was the ref, wearing a “slutty ref” Halloween costume.  Mexican chick with a meaty ass and big titties.  That’s my type, you know.  A woman.  One of those girls where your first eye contact says you’re gonna fuck some day.  Still, that was four months ago.  Didn’t speak since, then she threw a party and I got a text.  I was hammered by the time I got there.  Then drinking and drinking and drinking.  I didn’t punch anybody or piss myself.  I talked to a man about eye cream.  He was thirty seven years old, and then waited for you to tell him he didn’t look it.  Because of eye cream.  Don’t fall for the cheap shit, he said, you need the real stuff you can only buy out of a catalog.  Her roommate threw us all out and we got a cab to my place.  Too drunk to fuck at night but this is one of those girls where you can actually get off in the morning.  One of the rare cases where I ejaculated, but did not ejaculate immediately. I was actually able to have penetrative sex without fizzling out or nutting in two seconds.  I needed this, to prove that I’ve matured past age ten in terms of sexual performance.  Still, where were you, dick, six weeks ago, when you might have kept Gertrude around.

I cracked my little toe against the big high heel she was wearing.  Which, fine.  Now it’s black and blue and hurts to put a sock on.  But at least I got laid.

As with all other women, she left her panties and earrings behind.

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11 Responses to “Weekend Journal 12-16-12: The Ref”

  1. aneroidocean December 22, 2012 at 3:03 pm #

    yes. what the fuck is up with women always doing that? there is no way you’re locking down my cock with an earring or a three cent fucking hair tie.

  2. Anonymous December 22, 2012 at 7:04 pm #

    C’mon dude, the sleeping with chicks things is cool and all.. but your stuff is getting a bit one-dimensional. C’mon DT, where’s the substance?

    • Anonymous December 23, 2012 at 4:58 am #

      What are you expecting when you come here? This post meets my expectations for this blog. Good job DT; hope your foot heals soon cause it looks like shit.

      • Anonymous December 23, 2012 at 9:24 am #

        I come with better expectations because DT is that good. He is capable of writing insanely good shit, but it seems that his interest revolves more around bragging about the pussy he gets under some thinly veiled disguise of “self-deprecation”. He’s like humbert humbert, didn’t get the pussy when he was a teenager so now that he’s moderately successful it consumes his entire world.

    • Anonymous December 23, 2012 at 8:54 pm #

      The substance is in your brain. Unfortunately, your brain is a bit one-dimensional, so there’s not a whole lot of substance there.

  3. TFU December 23, 2012 at 8:56 am #

    Had three girls bleed on me in the span of 4-5 weeks. Each said it wasn’t their period; I asked a girl friend about it and she said that when a girl’s not wet enough this can be fairly common. Being that they (and I) were all drunk and didn’t care for foreplay, this might be the culprit. I’m not that big, but I’m also not handsome enough to instantly turn girls into running faucets, either.

    • sylviasarah December 23, 2012 at 9:50 am #

      Has anyone heard Tracy Morgan talk about bringing girls periods for $5? Maybe you have yourself a business, DT.

  4. Little Miss S December 24, 2012 at 8:12 am #

    No offense, but your bathroom looks very dirty! You should have one of your ladies clean it up for you! Hope your toe heals soon.

  5. Anonymous December 24, 2012 at 3:25 pm #

    that doesn’t look like a bathroom but you really should get a grout cleaning pen thingy.

  6. vsoze December 30, 2012 at 8:40 am #

    Dude, your foot and counter are fucking disgusting.

    Put some eye cream on that toe, it will start looking and feeling better. Not the cheap shit.

  7. Bronan the Barbarian! December 30, 2012 at 11:09 pm #

    Whoa. That picture should be on a public service announcement. “Meaty mexican chick toe fuck: Not even once.”

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