“Juan Stabone” writes:
As a non-drinker, I encountered an absolutely galling situation twice in a period of three months: The girl is over my place, and everything’s going great. In one case I even have her tits out. Then she communicates essentially that she’s down with getting laid, but she can’t fuck me because she doesn’t have any booze in her/is not comfortable enough. Of course, all is lost after that.
They were both banging, banging hot. Not like the animals you (Delicioustacos) seem to have relations with. Months later, not a day has passed wherein I do not deeply regret both occasions. I have developed a minor case of PTSD.
So anyway, what kind of alcohol do I buy to get young girls drunk at my place? I assume there is some sort of fruity wine thing I can put in a sippy cup for them, but I just don’t know anything about booze.
The only time I can take the bone while sober is if the guy is good looking and charming. I will assume that you are neither, especially if you get the titties out and she’s not writhing and ready to go. But your question wasn’t “Am I ugly?”
As an aside, DT fucks plenty of banging hot girls. He’s self-deprecating, which helps us love him, and makes people like you believe that he’s out there porking porkies.
Now, about the booze thing. If you’re trying to bang a 16 year old, get some fruity drinks. If you’re trying to bang a 19-23 year old, go with one of the following:
- If she’s health conscious, vodka. We ladies believe that if we drink vodka, it won’t make us fat.
- If she’s one of those arty, fru-fru girls, wine. It makes them feel cultured and mature.
- If she’s one of the wilder sorts, a girl who fancies herself to be very cool, whiskey. See, young girls like to prove themselves. They like to show a guy that they can drink like a man. So, if you offer her a Smirnoff ice, she’ll roll her darling eyes. But if you pour yourself a whiskey, she’ll likely proclaim herself a “whiskey girl”, a term I’ve heard so much in the past three years from young girls that my liver is rolling its darling eyes.
But, here’s the warning. Don’t get her too drunk. Because if they get too drunk, they can legally say that they didn’t consent. So, small bottles, slow pours. And improve your techniques with the titties so they get wet and beg for it.
“As a non-drinker, I encountered an absolutely galling situation…”
As a paraplegic, I’ve noticed my 100 meter time is behind that of my competitors….
As an elderly blind woman, I’ve noticed my MMA career is not progressing as I’d hoped…
As an Earthworm, I’ve noticed my road to the Presidency of the United States has been unusually difficult…
Why don’t you drink alcohol? Are you religious? God does not exist. Drink alcohol. Family history of alcohol abuse? They abused it for a reason: it’s awesome. Drink alcohol. Afraid of damaging your organs and blunting your wits? A healthy liver and the ability to recall who played The Beastmaster are no reasons to go through life miserable.
Nikol is right about the type of shit that girls drink. But also, they will drink anything. I usually grab a fifth of “El Presidente” Mexican brandy from the Royale Junior Liquor Mart on the way home with a girl, because it costs $7.99. It tastes like formaldehyde. The actual Presidente of Mexico should have whoever slapped the name of his office on that bottle put to death. Girls will drink it. Girls will drink the way a billy goat eats at a landfill, because people want to be comfortable. All alcohol tastes like shit but no one cares because it makes you feel so god damn good and it makes it real easy to fuck.
So the answer to your actual question is as easy as: just have any bottle of booze in your house. But the answer to every other question in your life is: for fuck’s sake, start drinking alcohol. It’s not them being sober that’s the problem; it’s you. Because if you’re trying to get down with a girl unimpaired you’re going to have that voice in your head saying Oh God I can’t believe this hot girl is in my house– holy shit her tits are out ! Look at her tits! Wow, is this really going to happen? I better not fuck up I better not fuck up I better not fuck up; my game better be tight, let’s say this witty thing now… Fuck! I stumbled there, I shouldn’t have laughed at my own line, fuck— now she’s lookin’ at me funny, can I recover? I fucked up I fucked up I fucked up oh no there go the tits back in the bra… Yes, it was nice seeing you too— another, yeah OK. Let’s meet for, uh, coffee.
With booze it’s more like: yeah, couch is there, mmmmm, lips, ohh, look titties… slurp slurp OK let’s carry her to the bed; let’s get them painties off… warm, wet… can I get hard? I ‘m gonna cum too fasss—squirt squirt squirt…. zzzzzzzzz……..
So fuck keeping your wits about you. Your wits aren’t worth shit; they will just make you nervous. Drink a couple pops of the forgetting juice and turn into the cave creature from Altered States. That’s what women want, seriously.
Also, if you are wrestling with PTSD after failing to get some ass, a nice tall drink would fucking help.