The Hottest Girl of All Time

19 Apr

You gotta understand that the hottest girl of all time is a sixteen year old special needs student with big tits who once sat wet in a white bikini on my uncle’s washing machine. He had a place by a lake; the kids would go there to swim. My aunt drove the special needs school bus in the town of Nottingham, New Hampshire. She rode this bus, so, something was wrong with her, but she seemed normal. She was beautiful. Perfect face. And big tits, bit sixteen year old tits that were still growing, popped out like balloons, a bubble butt that was still growing, a little hair on her pussy but not the pie plate sized tangle of Armenian backthatch that God sees fit to give women in adulthood. A sixteen year old special needs girl. Some kind of ADD or autism or dyslexia before these words were on TV, before they meant a rich kid who fucks up in school, so they just put her with the dumb kids. She was looked down on. The words you used to hurt people were retard and faggot; she rode the retard bus. She was sweet and just wanted somebody to like her. Just wanted somebody to kiss her under the raft, warm skin in cold water, just wanted somebody to touch her. This happened twenty years ago, and not even the part with the kissing, all I did was talk to her. The other kids were laughing at me but I didn’t know why. I didn’t find out she was mentally impaired until after the fact.

I’ve been jerking off to that memory for twenty years. A man’s dream is a woman who is beautiful, but at such a shit station in life that she’ll to talk to him even if he’s nervous. Before he’s a hardened soulless player shuffling through drunken anonymous fucks. You have as much of a shot at finding one as the fat girl does at marrying Justin Bieber.

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29 Responses to “The Hottest Girl of All Time”

  1. K-hole April 19, 2013 at 4:46 pm #

    Man. What a scene. A beautiful sixteen-year-old with a hairy pussy does more for me than any burned out twenty something could. I could have a harem of the kind of women my brothers jerk off to and would still dream of developmentally disabled teenagers. I will love you, darling. There’s nothing wrong with you – nothing at all.

    • Red Pill Woman April 19, 2013 at 5:23 pm #

      You serious?

      • K-hole April 25, 2013 at 6:59 pm #

        No. I mean, sort of. I fondly remember the days of my youth spent with my fifteen-year-old jewish lady friend, swimming in her pool, getting changed together in the pool house and having awful, timid sex before her mom got home. One time her mom knocked on the door and so I hid stark naked behind it – against the wall. When it opened, I stood still, the wood of the door touching the wood of my cock and nothing else but lucky providing a barrier between me and the elder Jew. Nothing has been as good as those days. It’s all STDs and broken hearts and shit now. The average California girl my age (24) is so far gone that I could never experience the unadulterated lust I did less than a decade ago in my amateur days of sexuality. It just makes me sad, that’s all.

  2. Ruxman April 19, 2013 at 7:19 pm #

    “A man’s dream is a woman who is beautiful, but at such a shit station in life that she’ll to talk to him even if he’s nervous”. Definite truth there.

  3. Stephen April 19, 2013 at 11:34 pm #

    A fat girl probably has a better shot of marrying Justin Bieber than getting a gym membership and losing weight. The dude is gonna need a cover up at some point.

    • sylviasarah April 20, 2013 at 12:19 am #

      Called it.

      • Anonymous April 24, 2013 at 3:21 pm #

        You have no life other than this blog. lol, moved and shit.. lmfao.

      • sylviasarah April 24, 2013 at 5:04 pm #

        whut?

      • Anonymous April 25, 2013 at 10:34 am #

        like you don’t get it, specialed

      • sylviasarah April 25, 2013 at 10:57 am #

        I didn’t move here for him or if I did I would be out of my room a lot more often. It was an awesome coincidence but definitely not on purpose. What aspiring singer wouldn’t go to California? Also, coincidentally, you can go ahead and comment all you want. I’m leaving the blog alone so you get your wish :) Enjoy!

      • Anonymous April 26, 2013 at 9:03 am #

        Of course you moved for him. Jeez, can’t ever be honest can we..

      • sylviasarah April 26, 2013 at 9:24 am #

        Whatever makes it more interesting for you :)

      • Anonymous April 26, 2013 at 2:24 pm #

        Nope, just calling it as I see it, fatass.

      • sylviasarah April 26, 2013 at 2:51 pm #

        Hence, Whatever you want to believe…smarty pants.

      • Anonymous April 27, 2013 at 8:02 am #

        Lol, it’s just the truth. :)

      • Anonymous April 27, 2013 at 8:03 am #

        Fact of the matter is, you moved to be near him you fat freak. Just don’t kill him please, psycho.

      • sylviasarah April 27, 2013 at 11:28 am #

        Oh, please. If that were true I’d have gotten more than my fill of sitting in a living room with him. I even had a chance to sit right next to him and I didn’t! And there was that one time I might have said more than ‘hi’ to him but then I freaked out and went out after a cat.

        I will admit, since that seems what you want, I don’t hate him. His personality makes him really cute and his intelligence makes him even more so but I’m not too stupid to know that I’m not at his level and even if I were, he sleeps around a lot. That’s the opposite of my goal in life so why should I have ever wanted anything from him?

        I came out here to learn to sing. There are really only two places in the world anyone from California wants to live: San Francisco and Los Angeles and SF was too close to home.

        Anyway, that’s my last response. I’m fat and ugly and whatever else. The next time you miss me just come to my blog and send me an email. I love you too ;)

      • sylviasarah April 27, 2013 at 12:14 pm #

        Also, just because I feel like I tried to make it all about me, I knew in an instant that he wouldn’t be interested in me. I’m just saying, I didn’t come out here to meet him but since I have, I’ve come to terms with the fact that he isn’t interested.

      • sylviasarah April 27, 2013 at 12:15 pm #

        *come to terms with = sarcasm but seriously, I never meant to meet him. Life is just funny like that some times.

        Fin.

      • delicioustacos April 27, 2013 at 12:34 pm #

        Just to clarify, for anyone who is following this story: Sylvia is not the person I talked about coming out to visit me. Sylvia actually moved in with Nikol from out of town. I didn’t find out it was happening until I asked Nikol what was going on with her empty room. She was like, “oh, Sylvia from your blog ended up taking it.” To which I replied: “what the fuck?” “yeah, she’s moving to town to go to (REDACTED college that is nowhere near Nikol’s house.)”

        “Well, aren’t you concerned that she’s coming out here to kill me?”

        “Uh, I hadn’t thought about it.”

        She hadn’t thought about it. Nikol has a life FILLED with stalkers, violent men, rapists, weirdos, people obsessed with her via the internet. She hadn’t thought about it. Sylvia, God bless her, is responsible for by FAR the most comments on my blog out of thousands and thousands; she was moving here from hundreds of miles away to attend a school that it is INCREDIBLY inconvenient to access from Nikol’s place. Maybe Nikol just didn’t think a woman could get violent, except Nikol’s past is also filled with crazy violent stalker WOMEN and Sylvia was in the fucking MILITARY and presumably had all kinds of lethal weapon and combat training. But “Uh, I hadn’t thought about it.”

        Nikol, I wanted to fucking strangle you. I kept myself from doing so by thinking: well, as long as I don’t actually die, this will be material. My blog will become famous. Stalker Goes Chris Dorner on Sex Blogger– imagine. I would get a link from the Huffington Post. Dare I dream, the New York Times.

        Anyway, Sylvia turned out to be perfectly nice. She’s shy as shit and never comes out of her room. Now she’s moving out of Nikol’s place. Nothing crazy happened that I could write about, but at least I wasn’t killed.

        Oh, fuck– what’s that moving truck doing outside…

      • sylviasarah April 27, 2013 at 12:52 pm #

        Navy basic doesn’t give weapons or combat training like everyone else. I held a handgun and a shot gun and put them down. The only think I took out of the Navy was a third language and an interest in standing in lines.

        I took Nikol’s room because it was better than moving into a dorm style place where I’d be sharing bathrooms with 50 other people and wouldn’t have internet, which was my only other option and which is where I’m going next week because it turns out being half an hour closer to school is more important than a nice room in a nice house. Sorry I made you think I was going to kill you. I’m leaving the state anyway, after summer so you can breathe after that.

      • Anonymous April 27, 2013 at 2:06 pm #

        Regardless DT, you should get a gun just in case.

      • Anonymous April 27, 2013 at 6:19 pm #

        And WTF nikol?? Way to put the love of ur life in the crosshairs of a fucking psychopath.

  4. Anonymous April 20, 2013 at 5:47 pm #

    I read this before?

  5. Abram April 24, 2013 at 3:11 am #

    I read something like this, and I think to myself, I’ve never read anything like it.

  6. youtube.com July 30, 2013 at 3:30 pm #

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  7. storify.com January 14, 2014 at 11:16 am #

    What a information of un-ambiguity and preserveness of valuable familiarity concerning unpredicted feelings.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. These Kids Today | delicioustacos - December 10, 2013

    […] I used to think: get back to me when they’re jerking off in a toilet thinking about a special needs student. But the ancients were right. Men’s fantasies, our halfhearted utilitarian meat […]

  2. Smell the Glove | Alpha Is Assumed - December 16, 2013

    […] sexuality. I used to think: get back to me when they’re jerking off in a toilet thinking about a special needs student. But the ancients were right. Men’s fantasies, our halfhearted utilitarian meat flogging– […]

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