As the sun came up there was a clipped muttering somewhere. Like a tut tut tut. Woke me up. It had been a demon’s voice in my dreams, tut tut tutting me. Tut tut tut you’re going to hell. I was on the couch in my clothes, still blind drunk. Tut tut tut– what the fuck was it.
It was a chicken. One of my neighbors got a chicken. Fucking thing was up at dawn screaming at the sun. Have to kill the chicken, I thought. No one living in the first world should be awakened by a chicken. I imagined climbing his cinder block wall. Dropping over the other side into his cement courtyard with the potted herbs. Snapping the beast’s neck. Vivid. I could feel the rough concrete on my palms. The bird kicking. I slipped back into dreams.
My face hurt. I had to be told what happened in the morning. I tried to fuck my friend’s girl and he almost beat me up. He was on top of me on the couch with his thumbs pressed in my eyes. Saying I’m going to kill you. Don’t say another word, if you say another word I’m going to hurt you. The girl, begging him to calm down.
All I remembered was saying we should get her naked. Do an Eiffel Tower. She seemed like she’d be into it. But I’m told I kept saying it over and over for two hours, her in earshot. I’d drunk a bottle of two dollar wine and a pint of Ten High bourbon and then she brought a twelve pack. If I take one drink I will drink as much as there is. Stumbling and slurring. Couldn’t stop looking at her perfect creamy titties. She used to be fat. Girls who used to be fat will do an Eiffel Tower, I reasoned. We were watching Behind the Candelabra. I kept saying the real guy in the movie was sixteen years old. And: let’s get her naked. My buddy’s had a long cold streak. It made him protective.
My other buddy set up a porn studio. He’ll text me things like: I got a whore set up. You come over and fuck her face while I take her in the ass. I got a blowjob from a 19 year old Mexican on my lunch break Tuesday. When I walked in my buddy was ejaculating on her cunt lips. Sorry bro, he told me; I couldn’t wait. She sucked me off after we chatted briefly about freeway traffic. The IT guy was there setting up editing software. He watched. Earlier I had a camera close on a girl’s pussy while a guy stabbed it with three stiff fingers. She screamed, squirted in my face. She’d been eating asparagus. This is my life now. Women are objects. Let’s get her naked and do an Eiffel Tower.
I remember thinking: maybe I can take him. My best friend for twenty years. I got six inches on him but he’s Korean. All Korean men are seething wolverines with souls made of pure rage. He used to bench 275 but fell off. I’ve been keeping up. Stronger than him for the first time in our lives, I thought. Maybe I could take him. I could not have taken him. He would have beat my ass savagely.
They left. I sat on the couch and wept. Thinking the most important friendship in my life was over. Drunk sobbing, sounds like a dog that ate yarn. Then blackness. Then the chicken.
We made up in the morning. Tonight I’m taking him to a porn shoot. Girl jerks a guy off with her feet in a North Hollywood apartment. I was asked to bring coconut oil.