Beach Diary: Nature’s Miracles

18 Apr
image stolen from johnrakestraw.net

image stolen from johnrakestraw.net

At the beach. A woman with big titties walks into the cold water. Other things are happening too– the thunder of the rolling waves. A flock of shorebirds at the waterline. Ibises I think. Skittering at the edge of the sand, digging for clams. Scattering back. They keep a tight formation. Ancient instincts going back to the dinosaurs. Huge brown pelicans glide overhead like pterodactyls; their brightly colored beaks. The majesty of nature and all that other jerkoff shit. She has big titties. Big titties.

I need to have sex soon or I will die. Specifically, I need to have unprotected sex with a woman between fifteen and twenty seven years of age. A new one. No one I have fucked before. The phone is an elephant’s graveyard of girl numbers. Many of them are cute. Some are even funny. But, you fuck a chick three times, she’s expired. I could write more thoughts on the matter but this woman has big titties. Big titties.

How do you talk to her. She has a navel piercing. How do you talk to a person with a navel piercing. I have rediscovered myself in sobriety. It’s been sixty days now. Shit you pushed down when you were drunk grows back fast. The way Chernobyl is forest again. Memories come back. Knowledge. Emotions. I am a healthy and functioning human being. Honest in all affairs. Guided by a loving God to be of service to others. But Jesus, who gives a fuck– the one thing I can’t do is get pussy. Without pussy, why are you alive.

She has big titties, and she’s getting farther into the water, giggling as the cold waves lap up and up; one makes it to her waist and recedes and she shrieks and her bikini bottoms are damp and her cunt starts to suck them up into its fat little crack and I need to throw her down in the water and get on top of her, throw my forearm in her throat, pull the wet nylon out of that fat cunt crack and yank it to the side and just pump my evil seed into her furiously before the lifeguard can run over and pull me off. Women, you understand nothing. Have a kid and maybe you’ll know. Watch your baby get run over by a dump truck. The way you want to throw yourself under the wheels to save it is about the way I want to forcibly rabbit fuck this sorority girl on vacation. All men, always, are just walking around with this. You can’t jerk it out of you. It’s just raging constantly, bubbling agony in your guts now and forever. You need pussy like breathing. And the world just waterboards you.

Women. The fact that you are not brutally raped– not just every day, but several fucking times per day by gangs of engorged male baboons– the fact that your mailman just hands you the Crate and Barrel catalog and smiles instead of strangling you with his government issue fanny pack and throat fucking you, relishing your tears, spraying his triumphant mailman nut on the geraniums… we are doing you a huge fucking favor at all times. We are watching our baby get run over by a dump truck, and just hearing him scream and watching him die. Holding back every billion year old white hot urge so you can feel comfortable walking around. I’m not asking you to like it. But take some pity on us, you merciless shrews.

I asked my sponsor: how do you get women when you’re sober. I’m a nebbish now. I rediscovered myself. Who I really am is a cringing unmanned dork with a hunched spine and raisin nuts. Girls used to smile at me on the street. Now I’m a slug that came out in the rain. I mean, fine– I hate women anyway. Smug peabrained cunts, talking about nothing.

But that baboon urge shrieks at you like a car alarm going off– get laid get laid get laid. So how do you do it. Go do ten approaches, he told me. Neil Strauss game tips circa 2004. Motherfucker, do you know who I am? I fucked attack pussy on fire off the shoulder of Orion.

Tears in the rain. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Heaven is deaf and hell screams and screams.

 

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67 Responses to “Beach Diary: Nature’s Miracles”

  1. vmunchausen April 18, 2014 at 9:40 am #

    That is some powerful stuff man.
    Your stream of consciousness writing is fantastic.

  2. whatever, write! April 18, 2014 at 10:02 am #

    And back with a bang! Pure poetry.

  3. 'Reality' Doug April 18, 2014 at 10:11 am #

    Profound and elegant. What women and most men can’t or won’t know, indeed. We let marriage morph into a government institution alright, a government harem. If others won’t carry our water, or let us have our own in fact, why carry water in the first place? SHTF = Planet of the Apes Game.

  4. Atlanta Man April 18, 2014 at 11:30 am #

    Glad you are back, and you are right life without pussy is meaningless, and there is no god or the pathological urge to fuck would not exist. If women wanted to fuck like men the world would be like a gigantic gay club and nothing would get done. I was in school once arguing with a girl who told me men need to stop thinking with their dicks, I told her to not menstruate, just stop it you bleed every month and it is disgusting. Why can’t you just hold the blood in your uterus you filthy bleeding cunt. You can’t help it? It just nature you say? No it’s matriarchal oppression that you stuff cotton up your pussy , teach women not to menstruate!

  5. God Hates Fags April 18, 2014 at 12:16 pm #

    I’m just waiting for Ben the Fag to pop up and write something faggy again. What a fag that guy is.

    • Can I Get A Refund On This Rape-Whistle? April 18, 2014 at 2:29 pm #

      That reminds me of an incident that happened a decade or more ago, when I was a university student.

      A friend and I were engaged in a heated – but still good-natured – discussion whilst traveling with a group of students. Rolling down the open road, sitting at the back of a caravan, our argument had already devolved into nothing but laughter and this:

      Me: ‘Like me or anybody else is concerned about your fuckin’ faggot existence, ya fuckin fairy!’
      Him: “Ah, yer full of shit, ya fuckin homo!”
      Me: “Go put some nail-polish on yer opinions then, ya limp-wristed fuckin nancy-boy!”

      So, the girl in the seat in front of us, a proto- “social justice warrior” type, is hearing all this. She turns around and chimes in with: “You know, you reeeaally oughtn’t be using those words, even if you’re not meaning to be hateful, even if you don’t think that words can blah blah something something people might cry, etc.”

      We both fell silent, and our gazes locked on Social Justice Warrior Girl. Then he and I glanced at one another and I mumbled, “Well, that was fucking gay.”

      Eruption of laughter. First, it was just the two of us, and Social Justice Warrior Girl got angry. Then SHE started laughing about it, too, and later she even admitted that my comment was, in fact, funny and well-timed.

      The moral of this story is: Never stop calling things gay. And never stop calling people faggots, homos, and referring to their mothers as cocksucking two-dollar whores.

      Why? you ask. I can answer that in one word: Fuck your gay questions.

      Now go and enjoy your faggy Jesus holiday, ya fuckin homos. Twelve woman-abjuring men all drinking together at a cabaret dinner, until one of ‘em says “Take my body and eat it…”

      Um, GAAAYYYYYY

      Welcome back, DT. Now go get yourself a hooker. Tranquillo, esé…

      • jake April 18, 2014 at 10:09 pm #

        this guy needs a bloglet.

    • Ben April 19, 2014 at 10:53 am #

      (faggy comment)

      good stuff. I was wrong. sober or not, you’ve still got it.

      (faggy comment)

  6. Atlanta Man April 18, 2014 at 1:01 pm #

    When I masturbate without porn I always think fondly of my highschool years where I had sex without alcohol. I grew up in Atlanta , the whorehouse of the southeast, and from the age of fourteen was fucking while sober. I never got drunk sex till I was 18 because I did not drink. I wish I could give you advice on how to obtain sober sex , but it involves minors and could lead to prison because the last time I did it I was 17 and she was 14. I guess my advice boils down to target 14 year old girls, be 17, have a convertible 1989 Toyota Celica and take her to see Basic Instinct in 1992. I sell time machines ,we can make this happen….

    • Can I Get A Refund On This Rape-Whistle? April 18, 2014 at 2:34 pm #

      We can remember it for you wholesale.

      A big part of my memories from 1992 involved an unfulfilled desire to fuck Sharon Stone. But it was actually because of Total Recall, not Basic Instinct.

      Hope you’re surviving and thriving, Atlanta Man. Now go get yourself a hooker.

      • Atlanta Man April 20, 2014 at 10:50 am #

        I would fuck the shit out of Sharon Stone in 1992. I cannot afford a hooker because I spent all my money on Xanax , liquor , and an amphetamine to be named at a later date. I prefer call girls but once they are strangled and dead in the trunk of your car they are all hookers so I guess it just semantics at that point. On a unrelated note I find you name pretty cool and your comments are funny unlike Sifrealitycheck, I am going to rape him later and Ben is not returning my calls what are you doing next weekend?

  7. Acme_Rocket April 18, 2014 at 3:34 pm #

    I loved the Blade Runner reference.

  8. takethislonging April 18, 2014 at 7:04 pm #

    Listen to me now because I have something important to tell you.

    When guys like the RSD crowd started going “natural” back in 2005-2006, i.e. abandoning routines and canned openers (or what you call “tangled morass of D&D rules”) in favor of just saying and doing the shit that came up in their head, many of them realized that they didn’t real know jackshit about how to pick up a woman. Tyler Durden said he was shaking in his legs the first time he tried to approach a girl without a prepared line. It turns out that the stuff they were doing before was just a facade and they were essentially still the same insecure boys that they had always been.

    DT, it’s the same thing with alcohol. You drug your mind to gain fake confidence and it changes nothing about who you are. All those years you picked up women while under influence doesn’t mean all that much. I know this because when I started picking up girls sober, I was a nervous little prick and in some ways I had to start from scratch. But the confidence you build when you are do it that way is real. Eventually it will feel similar as it used to, with this crazy feeling you get in your head by going from a girl to girl in a nightclub and being really social with strangers.

    I have some friends who can’t do any pickup without alcohol and it is regrettable. At this point, one of them is effectively an alcoholic and I don’t know what is going to happen to him if he doesn’t change.

    • takethislonging April 18, 2014 at 7:10 pm #

      And just to conclude: I just don’t think there is an easy to start doing this same shit sober, even with all your experience. Essentially you just have to force yourself to do approaches no matter how fucking hard it is, eventually it will get easier and with the confidence you build it will also make your sober OkCupid dates function like they used to.

  9. Emily April 18, 2014 at 8:17 pm #

    Gross.

  10. Anonymous April 18, 2014 at 11:51 pm #

    Seems like you’re wallowing in dysfunction. Wish you’d break away from this one-note stuff.

  11. Bruce Banner April 19, 2014 at 4:00 am #

    So true, even the least sex-driven guys can’t help thinking about sex 100 times a day. About rape, yep, women are lucky to live in this rapey day and age, with its supposedly rape culture.I used to know a hipster type who said liberal women are deluded, without the cops they’d be raped daily, and I’d be the first in the line to gang rape the fuckers, he said.
    Funny you should mention the mailman. Didn’t Bukowski write something similar in his book Factotum? And he used to work for the post.office. In those days you could probably get away with raping a mad woman while delivering the mail.

  12. sifrealitycheck April 19, 2014 at 8:23 am #

    You know… I’m a sober alcoholic. I have 16 months. And if I ever found out you were going to any of my meetings I’d drown you in the fuckin coffee pot, you sick fuck. I’ve never said this to anyone and it’s probably terrible sobriety, but I hope you pick up, slip down and fuckin drink yourself to death in an alley. The world needs less rapist fucks like you.

    • delicioustacos April 19, 2014 at 8:25 am #

      Thanks for your share.

      • Atlanta Man April 19, 2014 at 2:45 pm #

        How is your cat doing?

      • Dr. Murray F. Rottencrotch April 22, 2014 at 6:40 am #

        You’re the hero sifrealitycheck deserves, but not the one he needs right now. So he’ll hunt you.

    • FRV April 19, 2014 at 11:40 am #

      Jerk.

    • phillipseymorhoffman'sghost April 19, 2014 at 12:09 pm #

      “sober alcoholic”

      You know… don’t worry, you’ll relapse eventually, you snarky cunt. reality check!

      this is why i told you not to start hanging out with these AAfags.

      beneath all the tepid smiles and hooray successes and i love jesuses, you’ll never find a larger lot of sniveling cowards who would shiv your remaining kidney if they could drink again without impunity or having to develop the concept of personal responsibility

    • Atlanta Man April 19, 2014 at 2:43 pm #

      You are also a sober asshole, you should start drinking again and loosen up. DT did not rape anyone and if he did and did not blog about it I would be very vexed with him, and insult him with vigor. You know I have been sober since this morning. I have 16 minutes . When I pick up again tonight I coming back to this comments section fucking wasted off of at least two different mind altering substances and type some evil shit to sifrealitycheck ( because he is a sober asshole, and obviously knows about a rape DT committed which DT did not share with the world),DT ( for not sharing his rape adventure, what an asshole) , and Ben ( because dead horses need abuse, and when the pile on begins I like to jump on top) . Also I can get wasted and you can’t , so there is no god and if there is he likes me more than you. So there!

      But seriously , you are a sober alcoholic asshole.

      • Atlanta Man April 19, 2014 at 11:22 pm #

        I am fucked up and I told y’all mutherfuckers I would be back to talk some shit once I got faded in this bitch. Sifrealitycheck fuck you I am coming to rape your ass as soon as I can find an autistic mutherfucker to hack DT’s WordPress account and get your email and IP address . I have given you fair warning so if you see a 6’4 , 250 pound half negro mutherfucker coming at you it is me and you better loosen up you anus because I am not even going to spit on it I am ramming it in your sober tight anus bitch.

        DT how dare you rape bitches and tell Sifrealitycheck and not your loyal readers on this blog. You have hurt my feelings and I am only going to check your blog 22 times a day instead of 23, I hope this teaches you a lesson.

        Ben , you are not cool. You are just alright. You can become cool again by helping rape Sifrealitycheck once I find out where he lives, I call anus in the beautiful Chinese fingertrap we will make of him.

        Sifrealitycheck I am wasted off of three mind altering substances and you are still a sober assholeolic . I made that word up just to belittle your sorry ass. I hope you like it because while I take you anally and Ben throat fucks you when we switch half way through we will high five and call you assholeolic bitch.

        Seriously I am wasted on this my first day of not studying in two weeks and you are and sober and assholeolic. There is no god and if there is he will give me the erection I need to rape your ass and mouth. Also I am bringing the Big Book to your ass rape if Ben doesn’t show up so at least you will have something to bite on. Fuck you …….soon.

    • Hosswire April 19, 2014 at 4:06 pm #

      Keep coming back

  13. FRV April 19, 2014 at 11:30 am #

    >At the beach. A woman with big titties…

    GUESS WHO’S BACK

    BACK AGAIN

    SHADY’S BACK

    TELL A FRIEND

  14. Desdemona April 20, 2014 at 1:49 am #

    Rewrite this and substitute the words “my daughter” for every female reference.

    Hey thanks for not raping me! You are ever the pillar of society.

    • delicioustacos April 20, 2014 at 7:58 am #

      Good edit, but I’m sure I could fuck my daughter way more than three times.

      • Atlanta Man April 20, 2014 at 10:41 am #

        You son of a bitch you have a daughter and you never put that shit in the ” about me” section? Between your daughter you never mentioned , the rape you refuse to share, and the lack of cat updates I no longer trust your content. I am still getting fucked up from my last post in these comments. I am going to pass out on Passover but before I black out post a picture or some proof of life of your cat or I am calling PETA to shut your shit down. Must vomit now, keep posting.

      • Mark Tuckerberg April 20, 2014 at 3:01 pm #

        i’m also concerned about the cat.

      • Emily April 20, 2014 at 8:02 pm #

        Liar!

      • Mala April 25, 2014 at 10:12 am #

        Would it be wrong to fantasize about being DT’s little girl?

  15. Hunt Gather Write April 21, 2014 at 4:53 am #

    Great stuff, DT. Really fuckin great.

  16. gg April 21, 2014 at 7:44 am #

    ya cant help but chuckle at these gals who want their lovers to be snarling wolves, but chastise other men into tepid beta-dom. its an insidious strategy that is no doubt the progenitor of myriad sociosexual pathologies.

    tell a bird enough times that it shouldnt fly, flying is immoral, flying is creepy. eventually he will believe you. but one day a storm with knock him out of his nest, and his instincts will take over. some can handle that paradigm shift, but some niggas will snap.

  17. sol April 21, 2014 at 4:22 pm #

    “I need to have sex soon or I will die.” No you won’t. You set up false narratives for yourself.

  18. Mark Tuckerberg April 21, 2014 at 6:03 pm #

    titties.

    • Atlanta Man April 21, 2014 at 6:41 pm #

      Ass

  19. Mark Tuckerberg April 23, 2014 at 12:45 am #

    it’s 12:37am and i just woke up.

    i’m bored and lonely so i’m gonna default to the self-destructive course of action: have a drink at TGIF and buy a pack of smokes.

    damaging yourself on a cellular level over a gradual period of time….that’s what takes the edge off. makes you feel cool. makes you less anxious about being bored and lonely, less anxious about the truth that even if you were with a girl or had a girlfriend, you’d soon get bored of her. or she’d create drama in your life. or she’d be awesome and then something tragic might happen that rips her from your life.

    either way it’s a losing game. the house always wins. and by “house” i mean nature. reality. the cold, godless universe.

    religious people invented god to feel less alone. every time i hear a religious person talk about how they love their respective messiah, all i hear is “blah blah blah i was so alone but now i have the warmth and guidance of this great Lord and Savior.”

    truly courageous people—people who don’t fear death, loneliness or boredom—they do what ever the fuck they want, whenever, and with whoever.

    the manosphere gets to be like a broken record, talking about beta vs. alpha, talking about 9-5 workers vs. making a passive self-employed income.

    it really all boils down to taking care of what matters first—yourself—and not being afraid.

    but when you’re scared you need a little liquid courage. when you’ve chosen to work at a job that starts at 7 o’clock on the dot, your sleep sched gets ruined.

    they say it’s fine to start work at 7am because at least you get to leave at 4pm. sure, but then you go home and crash. that’s the reality you end up waking up at 12:30am, wanting a drink, looking to connect with other people…somehow…even if it’s in the comment’s section of a blog called delicioustacos.com.

    • Atlanta Man April 23, 2014 at 4:12 pm #

      I do not indulge in religion, but this last comment deserves an amen. When I post on RoK it is all seriousness, trolling , and white nationalism. Here at Delicious Tacos it just like, what the fuck ever just say it. We all suffer, lets have a good time even if it is in DT,s comments. I am off to go struggle in the “real world” stay up. Peace to DT’s cat.

      Also ass and tittes.

    • Can I Get A Refund On This Rape-Whistle? April 23, 2014 at 4:13 pm #

      “house always wins. and by ‘house’ i mean nature. reality. the cold, godless universe.”

      If you read carefully DT’s post above, plus another one “The Lives of Beasts” from 21 Mar 2013, both more or less say/ask the same thing. Namely, what the fuck is with this surfeit of excess passion, the useless exigencies of simply being alive?

      I try to view it this way. None of that raging passion is inflicted on us from outside of us. You are its source. But the gaping bullethole through the face of that Reality is: this passion’s existence is an apparently futile one. Because there exists no absolute value to assign to these passions and drives, no value that may be applied to them from any outside source, then it’s all bullshit and there’s nothing objective which we may apply to distinguish the “useless” from the “useful,” the “should be this way” from the “shouldn’t be this way.” Fucked by the existential dick, so to speak. Unless you’ve shoved your love of Jesus deep into your axilla and are crutching your way through life – and I take it you haven’t – you need to understand that, absent some artificially imposed reality-defining belief system, you’re never going to find external justification for all that seeking, those drives, that passion. No objective necessity can supply it with such, and alternatively it has no reason to will itself.

      Like an “Absurdity of Existence” cock getting slapped across the face of everybody’s Reality every damn day, you can either pretend it’s Jesus’s or Muhammad’s cock and say, “Mmm, I just LOVE being cock-slapped across the mouth for wholly ambiguous reasons! Praise the Cock!” or else…you may falter as you make your way down the road.

      And if you read the above gay cock sentence as “Yup, life can be pretty fucking gay sometimes,” then you’re right.

      But if you find yourself faltering, here’s your “easier said than done” sentence for the day. Stop focusing on trying to look for external, objective, absolute justifications for everything. Society’s dictums. Laws of nature. DNA. Evo-psych. Midgets. Instead, try to consider that while internal reason cannot justify itself either, it doesn’t have to devolve into an anarchy of personal whim unless you permit it to. And it helps to realise that, although your mind appears to have some capacity to open up to an entire Universe, infinite Time and Space, which can be quite bitchin’, in the end, your justifications for X will always be finite, and fluid, and “these terms and conditions subject to change.” Growth. Change. Growth. Change. Never static. Life.

      “truly courageous people—people who don’t fear death, loneliness or boredom”

      Person that still feels fear and acts anyway despite fear = courageous

      “the manosphere gets to be like a broken record”

      “It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane.” – Philip K. Dick

      “it really all boils down to taking care of what matters first — yourself — and not being afraid”

      Nothing in life is guaranteed. Fearing this is so, some attempt to wish golden guarantees into being. Then there are others that have no need of a guarantee to view their goals as realisable. Their certitude subsists under the volition of their own drives. True strength is not manifest in constant success; strength is what follows after failure.

      • Ben Bien AKA Mark Tuckerberg April 24, 2014 at 2:59 am #

        amen

    • Model My Man Milk, Babycakes? Mmm. That's Good. Juuust Like That. Ohhh... April 24, 2014 at 2:59 am #

      You say some alright stuff, but your credibility…
      I mean, who drinks at a TGI Fridays??
      You getting ripped on mudslides or something?
      Either that, or it’s the only place that will take your fake ID

      • mark tuckerberg April 25, 2014 at 6:38 pm #

        TGIF closes the latest around here.

        in SD, last call is at 1:30pm.

        not mudslides, don’t know what that is…usually just have a few vodka tonics.

  20. Anonymous April 23, 2014 at 6:54 pm #

    “But, you fuck a chick three times, she’s expired.”

    What a load of garbage.

    • No, Baby, Tilt Your Head Back. Perrrrrfect. You've Done This Before, Haven't You? April 24, 2014 at 3:03 am #

      It’s more like Twice…

  21. Can I Get A Refund On This Rape-Whistle? April 25, 2014 at 8:48 am #

    Tigole Bitties

    • Atlanta Man April 25, 2014 at 11:54 am #

      tight young teenage vagina and anus.

  22. Anonymous April 25, 2014 at 1:57 pm #

    Do you still do online dating?

  23. Anonymous April 25, 2014 at 4:19 pm #

    And licked twat in the dark at the Tannhauser Gate.

  24. j April 25, 2014 at 5:12 pm #

    yay, new DT post!

  25. Savage April 26, 2014 at 11:57 am #

    Mmm hard, young, respectful 18-28 year-old cock.

    Before they lose those true youthful prime of life hard-ons by age 30 and those balls get all smellier, wrinkly and saggy. Relationship laziness hasn’t set in wherein the manscaping and exciting sex are a thing of yesteryear and now I have to cruise the net to get some hot young NSA on the side or pretend I’m going out for dinner with my mom but am instead riding the sexy new guy at work in his car.

    What are you good for?

    • delicioustacos April 26, 2014 at 1:08 pm #

      Yeah, nothing like some respectful cock.

      • MARK TUCKERBERG April 27, 2014 at 1:46 am #

        you didn’t answer the question—“What are you good for?”

        perhaps it was a loaded one.

  26. MARK TUCKERBERG April 27, 2014 at 4:11 am #

    So what’s the game plan, how are you going to talk to girls and get laid WITHOUT being drunk?

    Because that’s been a question floating around like a turd since the invention of alcohol and laws against rape/sexual harassment.

    SHAMELESS PLUG: I wrote something new on my new blog, called “Don’t Work for Money”

    Check it out.

  27. fuckface April 30, 2014 at 7:26 pm #

    Bravo mother fucker. Somehow your writing never gets old for me. The blade runner reference had me dying. You should seriously stop being a lazy faggot and write a book.

  28. deti May 1, 2014 at 7:29 am #

    DT:

    Get the hell out of my head, will ya? This is exactly right. Young men walk around all the time, ALL THE TIME, wanting, needing, ACHING to have sex. Young men need sexual release like they need to breathe air and drink water.

  29. Seven Dials May 5, 2014 at 7:51 am #

    “But, you fuck a chick three times, she’s expired.”

    This.

    Someone else disagreed. I can absolutely guarantee they aren’t an addict or a drunk. Let me explain it to them: it’s not the chick who expires, it’s the addict’s interest in her, it’s the excitement she caused, the high of chasing and getting and that never-to-be-repeated-great-moment when you fuck her for the first time. Sure, that’s messed-up. Guess what? Addicts and drunks are messed-up.

    Raymond Chandler said it in The Long Goodbye: “Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic. The second kiss is intimate. The third is routine. After that you take the girl’s clothes off.” Love isn’t like that, but booze, drugs, the whole way an addict responds, is.

    That’s the way I’ve felt since forever, but I kept hoping I wouldn’t, that the next girl would not expire. In recovery I managed not to expire a girl the third time, and wound up in an LTR, and that was okay for a while, until it became just normal, and then we started getting fed up with each other, and then it was over, and I had to re-build myself.

    How do you get laid sober? Same way you get laid drunk – unless you only ever picked up in bars, and giving them drugs and booze was a big part of the routine. It’s the same lines, routines, logistics. Except with all your emotions sounding off at full freaking volume. Getting laid is the same old problem – dealing with all your internal noise is the new problem.

    • Anony-fucking-mous May 5, 2014 at 11:18 pm #

      Nothing quite like that afterglow the next day that you get from bedding a new chick. Regardless of how good or bad the sex was or if there’s a chance of seeing her again. New sex makes me feel more like a man then almost everything else except for one specific type of problem solving that would take me too long to explain.

      I stand straighter, my voice projects farther, my dick feels longer, my eye contact game is on point, everything is a joke and the world can’t stop laughing with me.

      The second time a chick comes back it’s just not quite the same. Within hours I’m back to my regular beta self. I’m not saying I exclusively chase that alpha high. I mean it feels great, but some part of my ego wants to have a hot bitch on my arm 24/7 so I try to keep the few hot girls I actually manage to lay around. I’m not very succesful, I think the women know that I want to be able to show them off, but whatever, I’m gonna move to New Zealand after I graduate and hopefully I can slay some Kiwi pussy as a half black american man. I’ll be rarer than a $2 coin over there.

      • Seven Dials May 7, 2014 at 12:49 pm #

        Good luck in Kiwi-land. Enjoy. Take some time to look at the country. I’m told there’s a headland with the Antarctic Sea on one side and the Pacific on the other and you can see a difference in the height of the water. Take a look for me.

  30. BigCocksOnly May 12, 2014 at 11:57 am #

    I am only interested in big cocks, young guys and one night stands.

    As soon as they hit the big 3-0 those really hard hard-ons are in their youthful past. And at the big 4-0 here comes the Erectile Dysfunction.

    I go to the beach and try to guess how many inches the hot, hard co-eds are packing. The 30+ year olds don’t catch my eye.

    Luckily I’m all woman and all I need do is snap my fingers and I score a new toy for the evening. Yes, they expire after that but I’m already on a fresh new hunt.

    • Aria May 12, 2014 at 12:16 pm #

      Older men are disgusting. Stinky balls.

  31. Anonymous May 13, 2014 at 9:58 am #

    I guarantee you those birds you saw were not fucking Ibises!

  32. a June 17, 2014 at 10:38 pm #

    Amazing! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a totally different topic but
    it has pretty much the same page layout and design. Excellent
    choice of colors!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Wordpress Blogs - Wordpress Blogs .NET - April 19, 2014

    […] Beach Diary: Nature’s Miracles April 18th, 2014 — “At the beach. A woman with big titties walks into the cold water. Other things are happening too– the thunder of the rolling waves. A flock of shorebirds at the waterline. Ibises I think. Skittering at the edge of the sand, digging for clams. Scattering back. They keep a tight formation. Ancient instincts going back […]” 17 Comments […]

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