All right. In the coffee shop now. I seem to be past the sketchy too much speed phase. I’m not proud of what I masturbated to, or the means I used to do it. But let’s never speak of it again.
The problem is I’ve done so much coke in my life that anything even remotely resembling that feeling fires up a whole set of reflexes– grind your jaw, snort back mucous, look sketchy, jerk off with Rube Golberg contraptions… I can’t just take legal speed for children like a normal person, I gotta take more and more and hole myself up in my filthy apartment opening 99 tabs of fetish porn. Let this be a lesson. From now on, clean living. Whole grains and natural fruit juice. Maybe a Zima on Fridays.
It’s not that bad. I’m sure I seem normal enough to the world. Except for the part where I became transfixed by a full page full color newspaper ad for NUDE GIRLS that had blown open on the sidewalk, a spread of an alluringly thick young blonde woman’s naked back. The top of her meaty ass. I was staring at this as a family with several children walked by. I thought about pocketing it. Continue reading
