image stolen from bubblews.com
I’m on the fourth step of Alcoholics Anonymous. You make a list of everyone you resent, and why.
1) Lauren, My First Girlfriend
After we broke up she told me a parking attendant raped her. In one of those big concrete structures, the little office they have. On one of those wheely office chairs with the one broken caster. He hit her and held a knife to her neck and raped her, she said. Then she passed out. When she woke up he had left a note. It said “you get what you deserve bitch.”
The parking attendant raped her. So she needed someone to be with her whenever she drove past the scene. So: could I please come. She was on her way to see her new boyfriend, at the college across town. Continue reading
Here’s what happened. As you know, Nicole, I despair of ever finding a mate and hate & resent that you have a live-in boyfriend. In fact I hate and resent anyone who can find a relationship.
Anyway, I was driving home Thursday night and despairing about this. I actually resorted to prayer. I said, please, God, let me meet my future wife. And I had this kind of premonition that said: if you go to the Short Stop tonight, she will be there.
Normally I would dismiss this sort of thing, but it felt different, and realer than my other crazy thoughts. Also, last time I actually prayed, it was “please, God, just let something good happen to me tonight,” and I went to the Short Stop, and a hot girl was actually there, alone, and I took her home and boned her. So God has come through for me at the Short Stop before, seriously.
So I went. I was tired, and had shit to do, but I went, just in case God was sending my future wife there. The idea was that if I sat down and had two drinks, I would meet her. So as soon as I walk in I start scouting out the talent. Fat Mexican chicks, ugly girls— one cute girl but clearly a Lesbian…. nothing. But as I’m ordering my second drink I see a really cute but just flawed enough that I might actually have a shot type chick, with a dude who is way better looking than me. I assume this is her boyfriend. But just as I’m getting down to the LAST SIP of my second drink this girl comes up and stands next to me, and asks me what I’m looking at on my blackberry. She needs to stay by the bar to give the dude, her roommate, space to hit on a chick.