Coffee Shop Diary: Quite an Ass

31 Mar


I’m posting old unpublished material to draw page views for my novel Finally, Some Good News. This story is fictional, it never happened, and the guy in it is not me. I don’t get horny.

New coffee shop. Highland park too gentrified to get horny. The women LA marrying types. White, 30’s, they own dogs, they carry yoga mats. East Side turned into the West Side. These women need a million a year. I’m a secretary. Ashamed of myself. These women, I can hear them saying oh your blog. Oh, your novel. Michael McDonald’s I Keep Forgettin’ playing on the speakers. This one’s hot but she looks half Jewish and half Jewish women need 100 per cent Jewish land trusts to marry you. And these girls don’t fuck anymore if they ever did. Their clothes subdued and expensive. The one hawkfaced one did look at me though. I still got it.

I have the eyes of an 1800’s presidential assassin. The matcha affecting me. Feels like I’m on speed. Sister Christian by Night Ranger is playing. I Wanna Know What Love Is by Foreigner is playing. The women are unattractive, and they dress unattractively. Billowy bellbottom pants and faces like Afghan hounds.

I switched tables. An age appropriate woman took her sunglasses off when I sat down– she wanted the dick. Sorry honey. If you bent over. If you made the first move. Unless you’re – I mean fuck, there are no circumstances under which I’d make a first move in public, ever. I enjoy living alone. Playing Xbox. What you’d describe as “a handsome woman.” National Geographic Native American face. Contrast with this delicate mon chi chi face skinny half Asian girl. Cute cute little ass. I can tell she thinks she’s above me. Bitch, I’m famous.

I need this fat classical Greek statue faced Mexican – god what an ass on this girl in her battleship gray yoga pants—what if she sits next to me. What will I say. Excuse me ma’am, this is a kidnapping. I need to carry around a parrot or some shit. Need to dress better. Little pointy (REDACTED) year old tits. See I should have sat in the fucking corner, she just sat there. She would have sat next to me. She smiled at the guy sitting there. Never me.

A bearded musician in a hat, smug success face, stroking the arms of his high cheekbone blonde British looking girlfriend. Good for him. He’s like hipster Scott Storch. The pretty girl has a big chin too which means she fucks . A la Heartiste. Face kind of severe like an old engraving of the figure of Justice on currency. She’s pretty like girls think of pretty. Pretty like a dad’s money guy thinks befits his standing as an independent record label owner. Her tiny ass. I want to sniff it. The whole crack up and down. Her lean hamstrings. The bookmatching of the vertical candy stripes on her pants on her crack, like the back of an expensive acoustic guitar. I look ridiculous and I need new clothes. I look like a fucking child in these sneakers.

One good looking black chick here too. Waiting in line for the pisser a second time. Piss on me baby.  

How to get laid. How to meet girls without bars. Without Tinder. Without friends, without partying. How to get laid working alone in a veal pen never speaking to women. I need to fucking– what, meet girls at AA meetings. Go to Al-Anon. Find a victim of sexual battery. This red sweater girl has– I was going to say it’s a nice ass but she has one of those enormously wide pelvises so it’s the top of a nice ass with her legs hanging under it like two tubes on a wind chime. Too far apart. Too much broad flat twatspace. Does she have extra wide lips to compensate. Or are there several inches of blank featureless flesh on either side before a normal size twat begins. Ma’am excuse me I have a question. She’s by a monkey face Asian girl. A Filipina. I bought your cousin for six dollars. She looks back. Can’t tell from her eyes if she’s a cunt or just pleasantly insecure.

Let’s smile and put out positive vibes. No one will look at me. My love is wasted.

But this Chip and Dale faced (REDACTED) Filipina teen, my God. With her little Thai Buddha statue ears. That’s what I need, a (REDACTED) school girlfriend. Enjoy reading this on OneDrive, Microsoft. Her golden skin. It’s too fucking cold and I need women to be wearing revealing outfits. Even kind of a thick pear shape ass. Her little (REDACTED) snatch with the sparse hairs.

She’s not leaving. Does that mean I’m not leaving. Am I a ghoul– no, I’m just an ordinary citizen thinking about performing approximately eighteen hours of hot room cunnilingus on this southeast Asian (REDACTED) year old. The way her charcoal color sweatpants appear to get sucked up into her puffy snatch from behind.

Need to write an AA amends to a person I resent. I resent him because I hate my own life. I’ve regressed spiritually. The idea of God may be horseshit. This girl too has a nice ass. Armenian chicken coop cleaning peasant woman face but quite an ass. Quite an ass.

14 Responses to “Coffee Shop Diary: Quite an Ass”

  1. J.B March 31, 2019 at 4:34 pm #

    When did you realized writing was your talent?
    Could an average person write like you ever?

    • Turning Golden Spiral April 15, 2019 at 11:17 pm #

      No. The talent is insight, humor, sensibility, creativity. You realize you have those by high school, even if you can’t write for shit yet. Writing is just putting order to all that, and some style. Oh yeah, some ambition. Most of us are too lazy.

  2. Choad April 1, 2019 at 5:21 am #

    This post. Specific sentences in this post are the type of things that make me keep coming back to this blog.

    The post linked under this sentence though, it changed my life. I had no idea what Truth was till I read this post linked under this sentence.

  3. Q prediction respector April 1, 2019 at 9:36 am #

    horney coffee shop diaries, review poasts, drunken rants about zog-capitalism destroying our chance at “happiness”…yeah, those are core to the dt canon
    i retract my previous comment about not reading. whenever i feel like being slight-homo and consuming another man’s words, for me the best options are delicious tacos or bronze age pervert. one of deez days i’ll finna “cop” your book and axe a qt to read it whilst she’s suntanning. she’ll of course call security and claim i tried to rape her.

    • Q prediction respector April 1, 2019 at 9:45 am #

      perhaps we find “God” by staring into tight clothed ass and cunny.

      p.s. tacos you have a typo at:

      “How got get laid. How to meet girls without bars. Without Tinder. Without friends, without partying.”

  4. Tulsi Gabbard riding muh dick like a hawaii big wave April 1, 2019 at 12:11 pm #

    100% baste, but truth be told, having kids with a wealthy Jewish® woman is the most strategic survival move at this point (if you want to pass on your genes). the dumbest thing a goy can do right now is impregnate a nagging yenta careerist woman, or a poor-to-middle-class girl who thinks she deserves to be with a multi-millionaire. and of course most women fall into these broad but accruate categories. thus, most guys either remain incel/vocel, or they just bang the party sluts who pop birth control like candy, and who have no interest in family. Keep in mind that even if you do manage to find a girl interested in marriage, her expectation of what a marriage ceremony should look like is informed by tv/movies/pinterest/instagram so it will be costly. Because she’s “worth it” and must signal to her family/friends/social media that her value is directly proportional to the luxurious quality of her wedding.

    Let me give you an example, this is an average-looking viet woman getting married, and look how unappreciative this cunt’s face is throughout the ceremony. At some point the cuckgroom goes in for a kiss and she looks bored/disgusted/disinterested. I forget the timestamp:

    How is this relevant to DT’s blog post? Well, at least the bridesmaids in the referenced video have quite an ass.

    This is why tacos is absolutely correct when he says you have to fit the girl’s fetish and vice versa. I’ve wasted a lot of time poasting stupid shit in his comments section, but this was a very insightful thing I learned from deltacos. If you’re a ____ male you must only go for girls who are 100% lustful for ____ males as her personal fetish. Fill in that blank for your own personal details.

  5. Bonnes Tacos April 3, 2019 at 1:07 pm #

    Georges Danton: “il nous faut de l’ass, et encore de l’ass, et toujours de l’ass”

  6. make jizzrael greater April 4, 2019 at 9:18 am #

    tacos wat habben to your comments section, this place used to be “LIT”…as in 30+ comments per poast. remember those flamewars against the faux-intellectual “poet” who wrote words such as “disabuse”. atlanta man boasting daily about his latest STD-ridden lay. now its ghost town. the times they are a changin. glad you stay public on twatter though. do not hide from the limelight. bask in it.

  7. Shillpill April 5, 2019 at 9:49 am #

    Tacos, here’s a potentially relevant audience for (you)…check out “more plates more dates”…he is fren of goodlookingloser…axe him if he want to hab u on his new podcast. talk about fitnizzz, e-biznizzz, and of course, the almighty fempunci….could boost ur book sales by tree-fiddy.

    disclaimer: this is not advice just trying to “help”. i’m in your corner ya lazy bum

  8. Theresa May Nip Slip April 15, 2019 at 8:09 pm #
    • Turning Golden Spiral April 15, 2019 at 11:02 pm #

      Hey! That’s my tumbleweed! Somebody fuckin grab it. I thought I’d lost it.

  9. Dr. Shillstein April 20, 2019 at 3:33 pm #

    Three big problems I encounter with “working” at coffee shops:
    1. it is distracting to see hot legal-age teen girls and sexy cougars prancing around in skimpy clothing
    2. using the bathroom…its usually smelly, or if it was cleaned, has a harsh chemical smell
    3. it is loud, and sometimes there’s no comfy spacious seating. even with earbuds you can still hear the obnoxious loud music, the talkative baristas/cashiers, etc. so basically you pay $2-$4 for coffee to sit in a cramped, noisy space.

    almost forgot another one:
    4. they blast the A/C so it’s always too cold, so you must remember to bring a jacket and beanie

    question is, what is a good alternative. simple: either don’t “work” outside of your home at all, or go to a nice library. for me, i no longer work at these coffee shops, because the distractions and discomfort outweigh the convenience. at home or at the library, the internet is consistent, its quiet and i can use my own bathroom. brew a coffee for less than $0.50. if you continue to go to places like starbucks, buy a drink and use their wi-fi, you are feeding the beast. operating out of a starbucks is poverty-tier. only do this if you’re homeless or desperate.

    seriously, coffee shops are no longer good places to “work” or “write” if you need some base level of quietude to hear your thoughts.

    tacos does some of his writing out of coffee shops and look how distracted he is.

    • paranoid schizo who is impatiently waiting for "the habbening" but nuffin ever habbens April 21, 2019 at 10:11 pm #

      if you want to see zero roasties then get the fuck out of roastie central, AKA major cities. anyone still living inna big city like NYC or LA is basically a hedonistic masochistic retard gambling with his health, his sanity, his life.

      time is running out. whether its earthquakes, magma, nukes or virus outbreaks, doesn’t matter. something big is bound to happen…soon. i can feel it. many of us can sense that impending doom, as long as we disconnect from all the nonsense brainwashing. but hey, fuck it, there’s a new episode of Game of Thrones on tonight. what were we talking about again? oh yeah, roasties. mmmm, yea. pussy sure feels good. even when it’s a little rough. there ain’t no fine pussy out innawoods i’ll tell ya wut.

    • Bonnes Tacos April 27, 2019 at 12:37 am #

      it is distracting to see hot legal-age teen girls and sexy cougars prancing around in skimpy clothing

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