Can your god damn motherfucking car alarm be off now please. Can you just get up– can you pause what you’re doing, get up, walk out to your motherfucking car, and just turn off the car alarm. Preferably you will reach into the innards of the car and remove the alarm physically and then toss it into the heart of a volcano, or catapult it into deep space.
Because no one, not once, ever, has heard a car alarm going off and though “Oh my god- someone’s car is being stolen! I’d better call the police and help!” Not once have you ever thought this. And you were right, it never was. When was the last time you heard a car alarm going off and it was an actual attempted theft of a car. It is ALWAYS a false positive. What if other things were like this. What if an AIDS test– always just said you had AIDS. What if your smoke detector was just constantly going off. When there was a real fire, you would die. Which I hope actually happens to you, whoever is parked outside my office with the car alarm going off. I hope you die in an AIDS fire.
delicioustacos 
oh! I like that this was short and had a great ending. I actually had a BMW when I was young. I had the alarm disconnected. Lucky for me all my aids tests have been negative.