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Prayer Number 8

30 Oct

Lord thank you for not giving me a woman. Thank you for my free time with the birds in the morning. Thank you for the space in my bed. The silence. Cooking what I want. Cleaning when I want. Not looking at texts when I want. Lord thank you for my early bedtime. Passing out watching James Bond. Listening to Youtubers talk about George R R Martin. Thank you for my new fat not mattering. Nose hairs not mattering. Thank you for working from home with no one here. Jacking off before meetings. Jacking off to women I knew. Who I’d hate to see now for any reason but fucking. Continue reading

Dream Number 6

23 Jul

I had a dream. I was holding my baby son. On a train to take him back to his mother. Shared custody. The mother was maybe 28. A white woman, beautiful. We weren’t together,. I was handing him over. Telling her something. Giving her instructions about to do this, that. How to take care of him. And it occurred to me she knew what she was doing. It would be fine. She was his mother. Continue reading

Anita Lopez

19 Mar

I want to fuck Anita Lopez, unprotected. I want to ejaculate in her when she’s ovulating in four days. Make her pregnant with quintuplets. She sells weed for a living. She’s 35, she’s getting a job at titty bar to put something on her taxes. I want her gravid with my champions. I want to suck her toes and lick the soles of her feet like a cow. I want to blast 3 days of no jerking off ropes in her instantly. Go off like a land mine when my helmet gets within four feet of her folds. Her unwashed heat wave crotch. I want to jerk my hips into her in a lizard brain reflex like a hanged man’s dance and pump the last few precious drops deep, deep so not one sperm cell drips free. Rear naked choke her and have her push up her ass in that angle that shortens the pussy pipe. Where you can feel the tip batter cervix. Blast and blast till my ribs collapse and my eyes pop out and my brain can’t make consonants. I want to impregnate Anita Lopez. Continue reading

Birthday 2022

20 Feb

God, thank you for my life. It’s a good one. Continue reading

Eight Years of Sobriety

12 Feb

I failed at major life milestones. But I haven’t killed anyone with my car. Gone to jail, etc. It’s a wash. As much money as a dropout coke addict starting from negative net worth could expect. I don’t spend it. As a “high score” it’s pathetic compared to any autistic person. I’m better than I was. But I’m about to hit 46 and my big achievement over COVID was 20 grand on therapy to give up my dream of a wife and kid. Continue reading

Agnes Kwon

11 Dec

She resembles Twitter user @gookcity

I saw Agnes Kwon on Hinge. The girl The Wolf Witch is about, and many other things. Do I message her, I thought on the toilet. I have money now. So it’s less embarrassing to date me. Continue reading

Bonita’s Pussy

11 Dec

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Dream Number 5

18 Oct

I had a dream that Isolde was pregnant. We were roommates. She was Mexican instead of Filipina. Some discussion that it might be mine. But she’d gone from not showing to a medium size bump instantly. She’d be about 4 or 5 months, we decided. So it was his. He was in the picture before me in this dream. She was wearing a midriff shirt. I could see the belly. Her being Mexican it might have had some downy hair. And she asked if I wanted to stay and take care of it. Continue reading

Dasha’s Movie

9 Oct

I’m in the lobby of the doctor’s office waiting for my cancer results. My FWB Isolde who looks like a 15 year old Filipina prostitute is going to the West Coast premier of Dasha’s movie. At the Los Feliz 3 with one of the other dudes she’s fucking. I forget if it’s the one I’m trying to not be threatened by. But it has to be. I took her to the Marine Mammal Care Center. They rehabilitate sick pinnipeds. We saw a female elephant seal. She’s hot– Isolde, not the seal– and she smells good, and when I look at her I can sense myself start to catch feelings. I let it pass. Continue reading

This is a Problem

6 Jun

Don’t read this if it’s about you. Continue reading