Archive | Women RSS feed for this section

What Should I Do About This Girl

8 Jun


Let someone like you. Let yourself like someone. Let yourself like waking up next to her with your morning wood in her ass crack and the smell of the back of her neck and the mockingbirds going. The cool June gloom in the morning. Her hair’s messed up and she wraps around your arm like a baby. She doesn’t quite wake up but shifts a little. Takes a big breath. That’s what we’re here for. You don’t have to impress her. She doesn’t have to impress you. You don’t have to be with her forever. We’re all gonna die. Just be with her now. While whatever’s there is still there. Let yourself be happy. When it stops– if it’s tomorrow, if it’s death– you had it.

Her Pulsating Pussy

1 Jun

ling ma balls

Don’t read this if it’s about you.

I want to shoot goo in her and make her pregnant but she doesn’t have a good relationship with her parents. A surgeon and an electrical engineer. They haven’t spoken to in ten years. I think about being the person who fixes the relationship. The hero. I need a twelve step program for Chinese women’s cunt mucus. Continue reading

More Women

3 Mar

old tapestry

This post is fictional.



I like your profile, said Jeni. And I (he looked at it) like yours, he wrote.

It said, three times:


Would you like to meet at Sunset Beer, he said. She said see you there

He put on his best clothes. Walked to the bar. Opened a tab.

She never came. Continue reading


3 Feb

Image: Aesthetic Dentistry of Charlottesville

He got in a long distance relationship with a rich girl who lived in Canada. They would Skype and she’d push her middle finger in her asshole while her other hand held her phone. Talking calmly to her mom. Telling her the ways she was cleaning up her act. Please send money. She needed this to get off. For him, her asshole was enough.


2 Feb

Her father was a speaking in tongues cultist. He had a sugar cane and pig farm in Kentucky. The cane keeps the pigs in. Continue reading

I Miss You

8 Dec

I miss you. I miss the smell of your hair. I miss your robust deltoids. I miss your dangling purple giblets. You have the hugest most developed cuntflaps I have ever seen. I miss them, I miss your moans, I miss your squinting eyes when you cum on top of me. I miss the dog licking my cum off the sheets, I miss the smell of the back of your head; I miss your tan, you always had a great tan. I miss you but what are you gonna do. If I got back together with you it’d be the same as before. Already I’m sending you dumb texts and I know they’re bombing. And it crushes me. So I can’t be near you. Can’t talk to you. But I miss you on me. I miss cumming in you. Waking up next to you. I miss your girl who has her shit together expensive white duvet. When you showed me pictures of your sister’s wedding I wanted it to be our wedding. I only want to get famous so you regret kicking me to the curb.


1 Aug

I’ll work. I’ll use Microsoft Office to do what a rich guy tells me to do. Leave late. I’ll go to the Vons and see what’s on sale. Maybe a pork chop. Maybe some Brussels sprouts. I need milk. I’ll go home instead of the gym because I’m out of dress shirts. Need to do laundry. On the drive talk to my AA sponsee. Tell him what my AA sponsor said to say which is about the definition of insanity. Get home cook the pork chop put the clothes in the wash do deadlifts with the barbell I bought. Take the shirts out of the washer and hang them to drip dry. Put the underwear and socks and towels in the dryer. Go to an AA meeting. Get my clothes out of the dryer. I will not fold them. She will not text me. I will not open the door and it’s her.