Archive | April, 2016

I’m Too Compassionate, Is My Problem

30 Apr

You used to own a house. You used to have a pension. Now every ad is DO YOU HAVE ENOUGH SAVED FOR RETIREMENT. Check this chart by age. Yes, fuckstick, it’s better to have money than nothing; I’ve been briefed. They want you to start saving at 20. Why not 10. Why not as you’re squeezed of a slimy cunt, your mother’s screams still echoing off the tiles. Two commissioned salesmen from Morgan Stanley catch you. Explain compound interest and logarithmic growth. Hand waves over the assumption that the stock market will climb forever.

It’s coming to a head. Now I’ll invest in 55 gallon drums of water. Old Kalashnikovs that fire after you drop them in a swamp. Manacles and whips for the junior high school girls I’ll capture the very instant shit hits the fan. Chain them up in back of a taco truck, take it up into the Angeles Crest and from there up to Banff. Somewhere there’s a river and meat. Josef Fritzl it into my old age until one of my sons gets bad enough to kill me. I’m too compassionate is my problem. I could never torture anybody, rape anybody, enslave anybody. Those will be the key skills of the new world. The way coding is now.

The Sabbath Was Made for Man, and Not Man for the Sabbath

24 Apr

I have that feeling of wanting to walk to Skid Row and get black tar, of wanting to fuck a hooker raw, but you can’t do either anymore. All the bums deal speed. It’s too easy to make. Trying to get another drug is like trying to buy American. The whores cost at least a hundred and they make you wear a condom. What’s the fucking point. I have that a feeling of wanting to jump ahead in time Billy Pilgrim style to the part of the Tinder date where she’s on my bed on top of the blankets. Black panties pulled to the side. They don’t match her bra; she didn’t plan on this; she didn’t shower. Perfect. That feeling of not wanting my entire fucking day to be typing in a coffee shop with some herbal tea because coffee is too strong a drug now. Having it after noon makes me cranky. I could just beat off but there isn’t dirty enough shit on the internet now. Mule porn means nothing to me. Fat girls being used crying, Punch and Judy Russian rape videos– all diminishing returns and that’s why I can’t go get a pint of whiskey or a little balloon of black tar from an old black lady’s mouth– I’m cursed to know it does nothing. It’ll just require more and more. Girls are like that too and money is like that too and the way out is to be of service to others but others can go fuck themselves. What I dread doing is exactly what I’ll do: herbal tea in a coffee shop, overhear some yuppies’ discussion about Coachella, post repetitive shit on my web site. I could go on this Tinder date but I don’t want to fucking perform. I don’t want to prove myself worthy of you. I want you to show up and fuck me. That’s why I typed everything I would say already and you can read it for free on the internet. I want to fuck somebody or punch somebody or take that motherfucking drink, but I won’t, I’m a pussy; I’ll post repetitive shit and text my mother and cook a nice healthy meal, leftovers for the week, go to bed early. Go to work, not get fired, save money for what. For what. For fucking what. Oh shit– new Game of Thrones tonight. Never mind, today will rule.


23 Apr

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Maybe I’ll go outside and write in the park. But I’ll run into the neighbors, who’ll want to have their dog out. The dog who murdered Bud. I’ll have to look at the weird rich hippie woman’s face, his weird rich hippie face, their smug dad’s money organic beets lifestyle. Their stupid kid. I’ll have to look at them and then just come back in and sharpen my axe. Picture laying it right through their pit bull’s spine. Its startled look, dragging itself home on its front legs bleeding out.

I want to kill my neighbors’ dog. And their kid, and them, in that order. Continue reading

The Fleas

9 Apr

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Haven’t slept well. The god damn fleas are killing me. Have to do work to take care if it. Fine. This is an opportunity. Clean the house. Take care of yourself– no. Fuck this, fuck all of this, fuck the Earth. We need more terrorism, more war. More Nazis, more racism, more mass rapes, more child slavery. More school shootings more North Korean nukes. Can something fucking good happen today please. It won’t. You have to make your own luck. What a pain in the ass. Continue reading

Just Stroke My Butthole and Tell Me How Great I Am

6 Apr
happy day for you

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I had a Tinder date but I canceled and went to get jerked off at a whorehouse in Rosemead. I’d heard it was a hooker town. I was there already, for Alcoholics Anonymous’ General Service Area 5 Assembly All Districts Pre-Conference Committee Workshop… the real title’s even longer but I stopped reading. It’s two days long. You sit at a table with ugly old men with white nostril hair. Discuss how AA can reach more psychiatrists and clergymen. The girl was pimply and probably 30 but she had big Chinese titties. Ass like she deadlifts regularly. And she wouldn’t even jack me off. Continue reading