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Get Fucked

28 Jul

young george

I need to post something while the stupid fucking kid stomps around upstairs. And I’m horny. And I drank too much coffee, or too little– I gotta order a new ball hair trimmer. Another binder for my DVDs. Never watch but can’t throw them away. Repair the fish tank. To do this, drain the fish tank. I don’t even know where the leak is. Fuck, I don’t want to get rid of it. I want a fish tank. My recurring – fuck — did I yell audibly. Did I yell audibly at them stomping around. And they fucking heard me. Well they stopped stomping. They stomp and it drives me crazy. And I yell. And they stop. And I feel guilty. You can’t fucking win. Continue reading

The Penny

25 Jun

1976-lincoln-penny

I found an old penny on the table this morning. Before I went to toss it in my Yuban coffee can of old change, I had a premonition. If this penny was from the year of my birth, then…

I looked.

It was. Continue reading

Blue State

29 Apr

bmw_dna_1 miami ad school

Pool party in LA. And of course now says the podcast writer to the bearded man with antler tattoos who gives a 6/10 to the Steampunk Cafe, you have these alt right incels. Involuntary celibate, they’re racists from the manosphere and they’re on these message boards. I have to say something. But what. Do I support the incels? I guess I’m against them. But I get where they’re coming from. Is that illegal. I just don’t want to be rude. Don’t want to fuck up the whole party which is six people, and there’s already an issue with my going on at length about types of Japanese prostitutes. Well (slave name) you sure do know a lot about prostitutes, titter titter. Continue reading

Saturday Morning Diary

21 Apr
lil tay

image: earnthenecklace.com

It’s Saturday. April whatever. The 21st maybe. I read one work related email. May have to perform one work related task. This instantly incinerates whatever spirituality I’d accumulated. Four years of prayer and getting crack smoking fetal alcohol homeless fathers sober. There’s a God made of nature and trees and a Satan made of work and money and we all know who’ll win.

I also read Twitter for 3 hours. Listened to the Beardson Beardly Weekly Sweat YouTube stream with Matt Forney. That might have done it. I also watched a fight between (REDACTED) Instagram stars called Lil Tay and Bhad Bhabie or some shit. Then did extensive research into who Lil Tay and Bhad Bhabie are, so… what was that, another nine hours. Heated up some chicken and ate it for lunch at 8:45AM and now I’m in a bad mood. Continue reading

Good Morning

2 Apr

I wake up not knowing where I am. The mirrors making the distances impossible. Light patterns from the blinds could be the jungle or anywhere. Not recognizing the lamps. Then it half occurs to me that I’m in the same apartment. 12 years. I have no children. It’s me alone here still. Everything is exactly the same. I’m 42 years old.

Why Haven’t You Posted

10 Mar

Looking through my own shit and I fucking covered it. I’ve said what there is to say about this apartment. The insects living in it. The fungus inhabiting the grout, mineral crusts in the toilet, the stews bubbling in its various crock pots, et cetera, et cetera. I’ve fucking done it; I got fucked up, I got sober. I got laid, I didn’t. I was broke, I got dough. My fucking same goblin face in the same mirror. Desperately flexing the same obliques under the one flattering light over and over and the pictures still suck. It’s done. Nothing changed, yet tons of shit happened. You got to read about all of it. Now the movie’s over but I keep waking up. I need a muse and you’re a cunt, Angela, for not talking to me. Continue reading

Diary: Into the Crypt

10 Dec

flames

Have to go into the fucking office. Weekend ruined. Won’t write the next chapter of Finally, Some Good News. Dreams in flame. Death, run over by a car, shattered pelvis, squirrels gnaw my scrotum, etc.

What’s more I wasted all morning reading /biz. Watching graphs fluctuate on Coinbase with my puny investment in imaginary money you can’t withdraw. It’s a Chinese finger trap. When you pay in, the system sucks it up eagerly. When you transfer out– a long dark lacuna while the price of what you want whips around wildly. Never in your favor. When your coin is lowest and theirs highest, it goes through. Plus a fee. Don’t you see, cryptocurrency eliminates the middleman. Continue reading