Finally, Some Good News

29 Oct

My new novel Finally, Some Good News is live on Amazon. You can read the first 12 chapters below. Buy paperback, get the Kindle Version free:

  1. What Do You Do
  2. Nest Egg
  3. Second Date
  4. No Exit
  5. The Zombie Zone
  6. Angel of the Morning
  7. Belinda
  8. Power Achiever
  9. I Just Keep Losing
  10. The Sherman Oaks Outdoorsman
  11. Aswang
  12. Festival of Savings

You Chose Each Other

9 Dec

okc starter screen

I’m posting old unpublished material to draw page views for my new book Finally, Some Good News.

This story is from 2013, so has a man and woman meeting from OKCupid. 

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I Miss You

8 Dec

I miss you. I miss the smell of your hair. I miss your robust deltoids. I miss your dangling purple giblets. You have the hugest most developed cuntflaps I have ever seen. I miss them, I miss your moans, I miss your squinting eyes when you cum on top of me. I miss the dog licking my cum off the sheets, I miss the smell of the back of your head; I miss your tan, you always had a great tan. I miss you but what are you gonna do. If I got back together with you it’d be the same as before. Already I’m sending you dumb texts and I know they’re bombing. And it crushes me. So I can’t be near you. Can’t talk to you. But I miss you on me. I miss cumming in you. Waking up next to you. I miss your girl who has her shit together expensive white duvet. When you showed me pictures of your sister’s wedding I wanted it to be our wedding. I only want to get famous so you regret kicking me to the curb.

Train Diary: Bike Car

7 Dec


I’m posting old unpublished material to draw page views for my new book Finally, Some Good News.

(2013) Continue reading

Ariana Grande’s Yeasty Taint

6 Dec

ariana 2

Can’t write. But I have to post every day. Why– because I have a new book out. While writing it I stopped posting. When I stopped posting people stopped coming. Page views all time low after all time low, plus blogging in general, reading, collective IQ all headed for the toilet; if I show face, make videos, do people’s podcasts to promote it I’ll get fired.

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Diary: The Bloody Eyeball

5 Dec

aaa holmes

Yesterday I woke up. Brewed my coffee. Put my milk in my cereal and in my coffee cup while I smoked a cigarette so the cereal would get soft. Smoked my cigarette. Came in. Ate the cereal. Drank the coffee. Took a shit. I was reading the collected works of Ted Kaczynski, which are all true. He’s right about everything. I chewed nicotine gum. Finished my shit. Put some toothpaste on my toothbrush and looked in the mirror to brush my teeth and my eyeball had exploded. Continue reading

Train Diary: Mamacita

4 Dec
train going into tunnel

Image from youtube user dferg100

I’m posting old unpublished material to draw page views for my new book Finally, Some Good News. This story is entirely fictional, it never happened, and the guy in it is not me. I don’t get horny.
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Fuck Cunt Pussy

3 Dec

finally screen cap

My new book is out. Need to write a blog post but I blew my kundalini beating off to teen underwear ads. Plus life is pretty good. I could get fired and still have money. Today I went to Target. Bought a welcome mat with a cheerful bird on it. Brushed steel trash can. Nickelplated curtain rods. My new home shaping up. Soon I can play Red Dead Redemption 2 without sun glare making the screen inscrutable. I found a fast horse. She had kicked an NPC to death as he tried to shoe her in a field. Killed the legendary white buffalo and had its skin turned into an outfit I find pleasing. Continue reading