California Sensations

26 Mar

I had a dream I fucked my retarded cousin and my stepfather caught me. His anger and disappointment were unbelievably painful. It was clear he’d have me prosecuted and would cut me out of his life. Continue reading

Birthday 2023

19 Feb

I used to want billions to die. But age brings diminishment of passions. Now I just want one god damn night of eight hours sleep. I snap awake at 4-something AM every day for two weeks. I can feel it giving me Alzheimer’s. My one prominent face wrinkle fissuring deeply, ugly old failure etc.etc.. Whatever man. I always felt like this. Continue reading

Describe How You Feel in the Presence of God

15 Jan

I feel connected, at peace, unafraid of the future, of death, of whatever might happen. I feel relieved of guilt and anxiety. I feel like I’m an organism in nature just playing my role. A creature putting my song into the world, like the birds. Helping people when I can. Forgiven for my sins. I feel like I’m the way God made me and that’s enough.

I feel like I’m doing OK. Ways I fucked up were just part of the process. I’m part of the machine of creation. Just an atom. No better or worse than other atoms. Not a uniquely fucked up or malicious atom. I’m not bad at being a person any more than a mockingbird can be bad at being a mockingbird. It just is what it is, does what it does, according to how it was made. I feel like I’m part of something.

A Boring Post about Women

27 Dec

All right Valerie. I’m here at the coffee shop. The girl who rang me up for my hot green tea for here had a lisp, a little underbite. Pointy little tongue that can’t quite get behind her lips and teeth for sibilants. And there’s some sensory thing, some synesthesia from the sound, her sucking my dick, her tongue playing the tip like a pit viper tasting air, but I can’t follow that thought where it goes because I joined Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. Curtailing addictive behaviors. The other barista here’s a great big fat curly hair Mexican and I’d like her to suck my dick also. I want to give her an ass massage with baby oil and swim around in her crack. Frolic in it like a kid in a fire hydrant. Continue reading

Ooga Booga

30 Nov

Overheard in the Chinese Restaurant

I don’t know if you speak English. I don’t speak Chinese, OK. A week ago I came in here and I ordered the medium shrimp. It comes with ten shrimps. I looked in the box and counted seven shrimps. But there was a man working here, I don’t know if he’s here now- OK do you speak English. I’m sorry but I don’t speak Chinese. He told me the other three shrimps were at the bottom. I got home and I looked through the entire thing. The other three shrimps were not there. You owe me three shrimps. No, it was not that size. It was the medium. The medium comes with ten shrimps. I’m here to get the three shrimps that you owe me please. Do you understand me? I apologize but I have to speak to you in English. I don’t know if you speak English. I don’t speak Chinese. Continue reading

Prayer Number 8

30 Oct

Lord thank you for not giving me a woman. Thank you for my free time with the birds in the morning. Thank you for the space in my bed. The silence. Cooking what I want. Cleaning when I want. Not looking at texts when I want. Lord thank you for my early bedtime. Passing out watching James Bond. Listening to Youtubers talk about George R R Martin. Thank you for my new fat not mattering. Nose hairs not mattering. Thank you for working from home with no one here. Jacking off before meetings. Jacking off to women I knew. Who I’d hate to see now for any reason but fucking. Continue reading

You Can Give All This Up

29 Oct

All right good morning. You don’t have to post this month. This can be the month you don’t post. You can give all this up. Write a book every five years and do three interviews. Never tweet again. Never get in arguments. If this shit were gonna get you a woman it would have. You can play Xbox. You can watch Dr. No on Amazon prime. Not a bad movie. Jame Bond sucks but the first two are really good. The first two and Casino Royale. Continue reading


30 Sep

Trying to do a conference call while my meth neighbor screams and throws a couch down the stairs. I gotta post something. Just write something that sucks. Break the seal and post more freely. And here’s the squirrel out back going after my squash. Not eating the ripe ones he ripped apart already. It’s the young green new squash. Fucking prick. Fucking dick ass squirrel. Continue reading

The Lost Child

31 Aug

From True Love

I had a dream sleeping next to my date. I dreamed I had a little girl. She had blonde hair blue eyes and she reached out to me, little hands. And I picked her up and walked her through a meadow. Told her the names of the animals. That’s a squirrel, that’s a bird. White birch trees in winter. She looked like her mother, who I never saw again.

Birds in My Area

28 Jul

Just about every day I go to the park and watch acorn woodpeckers. There are four types of woodpecker in the area. The Northern flicker, acorn woodpecker, the hairy woodpecker, and the Nuttall’s. This winter there was a Nuttall’s in the neighbor’s walnut tree. Continue reading