Weekend Journal: Toxic Masculinity

7 Oct

shame face

She’s still in the shower. I just learned Hepatitis C is not transmitted sexually. Per the Hepatitis C Association, which I may now have to join:

  1. Couples with one HCV positive partner had a 2.5 per cent transmission rate over 20 years of unprotected sex
  2. HCV is not found in semen or vaginal fluid
  3. Sexual transmission may be a factor among MSM (Men who have Sex with Men)

So you get Hep C if you fuck men. Your dick gets cut by his dry ass. His ass gets cut by your dry dick. But I fuck women. Therefore: call me sushi, I’m goin in raw.

A woman emails you because she likes your web site. Mexican with a luscious ass and her face is perfect, her skin is perfect. She’s in town because the man who invented (REDACTED) paid for her to fly out and suck his grizzled rich elderly cock. He and the wife are separated, he says. But plans have changed and instead of the house I got you a nice hotel.

This is her modus operandi. Rich men who make computers and spaceships take her out. Try to get her drunk on $3,000 bottles of wine. Promise houses and boats. I’m telling you this so you know how hot she is. I’m telling you how hot she is so you know how great I am.

Perfect face perfect teeth perfect eyes perfect pussy. Get her drunk have her sleep next to you. She knows you might have Hepatitis C. Might. Agrees you probably don’t. In any case she doesn’t care. But you can’t fuck her. It would be unconscionable. To hurt someone even if they want to hurt themselves. I don’t care if I die but dear God don’t let me take some poor girl with me.

You might have hepatitis. Or a bile duct blockage. A parasite. You might have cirrhosis. You thought you had pinkeye and a hernia so you went to Cesar Velez MD to get eye drops and be told your gut pain was nothing. But your piss test indicates a liver problem. We hear hoofbeats, says the doctor, we do not think it is a zebra. It is horses. The horses for this symptom are: colitis, liver stones, hepatitis C.

But, ahh,… the hep is pretty rare, right? I mean–

That depends. Have you had unprotected sex?

I’m a 40 year old man with a job and I brag about barebacking hookers in the Philippines. I go to bed at 9 so my Tinder dates are daytime. Walks around the duck pond. Meet at 1PM. By 2:30 I’m watching my chest sweat sting her eyes as she squirms under me, every time. Never use condoms, ever. Actually– once. She insisted. After I’d been digging her out raw and sloppy in the unseasonable September heat. Relishing how my cock would stink after. You use conn-domm she said in her Full Metal Jacket “shoooooot… meeeeee” accent, which would have made me cum too fast so I grudgingly put one on. It just trapped her chlamydia laden pussy juice against my dickskin. Rough latex shredding the twat I’d already soaked in a truck tank full of my AIDS laden precum. In fairness, she was more afraid I’d get her pregnant. I told her I was going to.

The girl extended the rich guy’s airline ticket so she could come up from Orange County. Sleep in my filthy apartment sight unseen. Because she likes my work. Suck on that, Jonathan Franzen.

**********

She lost her virginity at 15. Raped on a club dance floor. He didn’t get all the way in before he came but she got pregnant. The miscreant was never found. Biologically, he lived the dream.

She waited three years for the next guy. A TV star was in town. For a segment on exceptional teens. The network paid for his personal assistants and his personal assistants wrangled his exceptional teen pussy. He sent a car for her. He’s still on the air. I like his show. Less now that I know he used a condom. They still talk.

She married a rich guy but left him when she found his laptop. Investment banker. Big international deals. The sole purpose of these deals was to go to places where you can fuck 12 year olds. Entire economies are built this way. No other reason for Goldman Sachs to be in Cambodia. Third world money comes from horny fratboys impregnating child pussy. While you’re there, in the five minutes you tear yourself away from a squealing ringworm-infested meatpile of pubescent human beings sold to you by their mothers, their sisters… here’s a loan for your oil pipeline. Here’s a credit swap for the president’s cousin to invest the proceeds from de-nationalization of the national forest. 50,000 acres of teak becoming Suharto’s personal property, or Sukarno, or whoeverthefuck it is now. Some grinning squinting goblin whose grandfather played ball with Kissinger.

He bought a slave in Honduras. Shipped her back. She found a picture on his phone; toothless mother smiling as the girl held a suitcase with a bow on it. The girl would clean their house and then bend over. He’d leave $500 in the microwave. He got bored with her. She had to become a stripper. On his phone, long wounded text exchanges. You don’t understand how much I hate what I’ve had to do, the Honduran said in startlingly good English.

She found his laptop with a spreadsheet rating every teen hooker he’d fucked all over the planet. I assume he used color coded conditional formatting. I do.

**********

photo 4

In the morning her tinder had 20 matches. 20 messages. 10 super likes. 9AM, radius one mile. Of the 20 one was good looking and had game. He made me jealous. The rest: hi, how are u, u are hot, u make me hot, let me meet u, let’s meet on your terms, an arrangement, ill do anything, why won’t u talk 2 me. Doctors lawyers CEOs, #founders and #entrepreneurs. I get on her phone and message with them. Just got in town, I tell them. What kind of doctor are you. What is the most common cause of abnormal liver tests. Will it kill a 40 year old man. Ur hot, they reply. Why won’t u see me.

Cameron, 37

Cameron, 37

**********

I have to finish this piece but I’m distracted now. I want to go in and fuck her. Spread open her golden ass cheeks and tongue down her asshole. Perfect like the rest of her. Symmetrical as a typewriter asterisk. Pull my face back and leave two shiny smears of pinkeye ointment. She’s ovulating tomorrow. Keeps track on her phone. My cycle is 26 days like a clock, she says. You could cum in me and it would be safe, she says. She’s doing the math wrong but I consider it. The intent would be to fuck up her life. Make her move in with me and wash my dishes. We’d have a good baby; she’s good looking and smart. Stays in touch with her family. I consider it with her like with every girl. Think about it right up until my orgasm comes on. I’m about to fire in her up until the very last millisecond. Then spray on her navel. If I catch myself, admit I’d never follow through– I’ll never cum. I could talk her into keeping it. Life would have some purpose. I could stop being like this.

**********

When I walk down the street with her I want other people to see. I look at her facebook and her friends are like this too. Flawless. All divorced, rich husbands. Big settlements dwindling down to 0 because they spend it on psychics. They get flown around. The men own sports teams. They’re in the process of separating from their wives but for this weekend I got you a hotel.

**********

Listen: I might have hepatitis C, I told her. It’s fine, she says. I didn’t come here to fuck you. I like your work.

Maybe this is a sign. Let’s just be with each other as human beings. We have a talk, a real talk. And then we lay on the couch and watch a film called Shame. A man plummets into ever-worsening acts of sexual degeneracy to escape a mysterious abusive past. It’s raining outside. I fall asleep with her warm back on my chest and the smell of her hair. When I wake up Michael Fassbender is getting blown by a guy and then his face is fucked up, possibly from hepatitis C. Film ends on a cliffhanger. If he continues his addiction he’ll lose his only human relationship. He’s on the subway. Has a choice to chase a chick or not. Cut to black.

We go to bed. I wake up at 3am and we’re both naked and her perfect ass against me. I’m raging hard. And I can’t, I can’t; it would be unconscionable. This is a moment for me. She was sent by God to break my sex addiction. I am not a bad person. I do what I do but I’d never hurt someone else. This is wonderful. Perfect. Having this girl here who I meant to fuck, not fucking her. Just knowing her as a human being. Letting her be less alone in the world. I’m one of God’s creatures, capable of love. In the morning she showers. I have time to google hep C. I push her on the bed and peel her towel off and cum in one minute.

**********

Louis, 53

Louis, 53

The old guys on her Tinder. Always in Tour de France gear. Kayaking. Arms raised atop a forbidding crag. I’m still a man, they insist.

The guy with game blew it. He had one good line but now: thirsty message after thirsty message. No other way. Girls just get carpet bombed. There’s no being coy. Hanging back, making her chase you. If you don’t constantly send thirsty message after thirsty message you’re not at the top of her inbox. You just disappear.

They don’t need you. Rich men, handsome men, men with cool jobs– doesn’t matter. It could be Barack fucking Obama. We’ve crossed the rubicon. Not even fame will save you. You must pay for additional Super Likes. Max them out every day. When you get one grudging match you must send epic poems of nutcrushing longing one line at a time. All day every day in hopes that the one moment she looks up, yours is on top. In the future men will dance around on fire burning money and ululating, for the one in one thousand chance of a slight eyebrow raise from a 6 with a BMI of high normal. If she’s Asian he’ll have to catch her eye while assassinating the president with his bare hands to get half a head turn. Merely curing AIDS or cracking interstellar travel– forget it.

**********

Meanwhile my liver tests. It’s what, the 7th now. Ovulation day. Results on the 15th. Eight carefree days of waiting. Thinking about surgeries, pills, procedures I’ll need. The cure for liver ailments is they open you up and implant crawling sea urchins, probably.

She’s still here. After we fucked last night I felt something. Contentment, connection. Like it was from God. She felt it too, I can tell. Some pheromone. She’s ovulating. I didn’t cum in her but close. One drop maybe. Wait for the test on that too. If I didn’t slip I’ll be half disappointed. I am not a pleasant man at all.

45 Responses to “Weekend Journal: Toxic Masculinity”

  1. Bango Tango October 8, 2015 at 12:19 am #

    Uggg…men and their disgusting peacock dancing for these sluts. Depressing.

    FMJ was a great movie. 🙂

    • Father O'Hara October 9, 2015 at 8:00 pm #

      Heh heh these young fellas all they care about is pussy.Obsessed with women,trying every trick in the book to get that all powerful sex.Me,I’m older now.I don’t need to chase anyone.I’m content,happy with myself.I enjoy the “alone time”,I have my hobbies,my books…OH GOD I HATE MY FUCKING LIFE KILL ME NOW FUCK THIS SHIT SOMEBODY SHOOT ME!

  2. Zelcorpion October 8, 2015 at 2:01 am #

    Hepatitis C is a bullshit disease with bullshit tests – even the nobel price winner Kary Mullis who designed the test said so. Robert Koch would turn in his grave if he heard that there is a “disease” out there which as 5-30 years incubation period (no breakout no symptoms, but you are sick), but as soon as the test came out on the design of Kary Mullis, then they have “something”. And the treatment of Hep C is a light chemotherapy – if you think your life is fucked up now wait until you have to take chemo for life – for a disease that does not exist: http://www.whale.to/a/hepatitis_c.html & http://www.whale.to/a/kohnlein3.html – check out the talks by Dr. Klaus Koehnlein – he puts it across the best.

    Yes – most people who test positive on those tests have some liver damage. And again we have the propaganda, since livers can regenerate themselves – healthy diet, lots of juicing and high doses of vitamin C and good supplements: http://www.doctoryourself.com/liver_15_ways.html

    Chances are that after one month of that alternative treatment you test negative on the test even if you did test positive now – also have I mentioned that the test is bullshit? Ask the inventor and nobel price winner.

    • pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn October 10, 2015 at 8:26 am #

      You gotta be kidding me, dude. I watched someone die from Hep C, trust me, it is not something that can be cleared up with a couple glasses of orange juice and a trip to an Indian sweat lodge or whatever quack remedy you found on some back alley of the internet.

      Here’s someone dying of Hep C, that’s how big your liver gets:

      If only someone told him all he has to do is eat a couple of fucking Fred Flinstone chewables, he’d be good as new.

      • Zelcorpion October 10, 2015 at 9:03 am #

        Now pharma troll:
        1. Fred Flinstone multis are about the most toxic and useless ones out there (doses too low)
        2. I did not say that multi and juices will do it – 20.000 to 40.000 mg vitamin C pure – the equivalent of thousands of oranges
        3. that guy in the pic certainly took those wonderful meds prescribed or was he just doing nothing ?

        I have given the opinions and statements of MDs – some of them nobel price winners – but hey you certainly have one on your desk, so you know more about it. Also you know so much about supplements that you recommend toxic multivitamins not differentiating between useful and dangerous ones. Good luck on your path of medicated self-suicide and pandering of pharma crap.

      • Zelcorpion October 10, 2015 at 9:11 am #

        Oh – by the way – nice touch of using the pic of a meth drug addict from Jeffrey Stockbridge as “proof” that Hep C is a sexually transmittable disease. Even if the heterosexual transmission rate was 2.5%, then you would have already millions of sick in the US – probably tens of millions as one college slut or football player would infect hundreds without knowing so. The incubation period is 5-30 years, so those that get infected would in turn infect thousands of others unknowingly. Essentially you have an interesting “disease” where one man can infect millions – and no one knowing that he or she is sick.

        Go do some research and not only on Webmd and wikipedia.

      • Atlanta Man October 10, 2015 at 9:57 am #

        His stomach is large from acites, fluid in the peritoneum. He is not making any of the proteins for his body to function properly. I see homeless guys like this everyday.

      • pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn October 10, 2015 at 10:04 am #

        Yeah, well whatever the medical term for it is, it’s caused by Hep C.

    • pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn October 10, 2015 at 10:01 am #

      I never said it was a sexually transmitted disease. I used a pic of a heroin addict with Hep C, because I talk to these people every single day. I’ll tell them about the vitamin C cure later on tonight. Thank you, have a nice day.

      • Father O'Hara October 11, 2015 at 8:06 am #

        And I bet THAT guy gets laid!!

  3. Anal Trauma October 8, 2015 at 3:32 am #

    You’re a dung beetle. Forever rolling little balls of shit into bigger balls of shit. Endlessly.
    Your thought patterns and actions are increasingly myopic and repetitive.
    Fucking wanker.

  4. Atlanta Man October 8, 2015 at 6:37 am #

    Enjoy that good pussy boy, the really cute ones are few and far between after college. As for your liver function tests is it high AST or ALT? Also your travel to the Philphines may have resulted in Hep A or E which typically resolves and is food borne. Hep C is a disease of IV drug abuse which I don’t believe you do. If you have elevated AST it my be Alcohol related cirrhosis. In my clinics the only Hep C I have seen is HIV coinfection with Homosexuals and Hep C with IV drug users. Have the doctor tested you for antibodies yet?

    On another note the fact that women do not respect career and accomplishment is why I lie to women and tell them I am a mercenary . I have yet to get laid by talking about my career. You got to have talent , be a writer, actor ,musician – something you cannot teach, for women to be impressed and fuck you. Or, sell drugs and be a criminal- that is why I pick the happy medium of mercenary , that renegade violent man for hire turns bitches on.

    • Anal Trauma October 8, 2015 at 3:55 pm #

      You’d probably lie to them regardless. Lying makes it more fun.

      • Atlanta Man October 8, 2015 at 6:56 pm #

        It would actually feed my ego more to have them fuck me for all the good am am going to do society. I am seriously going to be working on developing monoclonal antibody therapy for pediatric solid tumors and gene therapy for enzyme deficiencies-Try to get laid telling a girl that shit, and mind you that is my honest to god truth. I have a JD PhD and I get my MD this year and that fact could not make pussies dryer if it was menopause. For me to get laid I have to pretend to be a drug dealer, music/entertainment executive, or military contractor with shady international connections. To top it all off due to the internet I have to give a fake name, have a fake Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn all to hide the fact that in reality I am a responsible productive member of society. This is the fucking world I live in just to get laid. American pussy,what the fuck man…..Why? Because Atlanta Man, Fuck you asshole, that’s why. I swear in the afterlife Malcolm X is saying I told you so, MLK is like take what you can while you can, and Tupac is saying remember to duck when they start shooting!

    • Father O'Hara October 8, 2015 at 6:13 pm #

      I tell them I am a file clerk…botched go wild for that shit

      • Father O'Hara October 8, 2015 at 6:14 pm #

        That’s BITCHES go wild,damn tablet

  5. killtoparty October 8, 2015 at 8:00 am #

    I don’t have anything of value to contribute here, but would like to tell you that I love your blog. I think you have the best blog on the internet. Your blog makes my blog look like a flaccid child staring at a big hard dad dick. It’s powerful and intimidating. Will my blog grow up to be like yours? I read every word like you’re a modern day Hunter Thompson; eloquent like F. Scott Fitzgerald. I study your style and try to imbue it into my own. I actually chose that word to impress you, and I think I used it wrong. I want to impress your big, hulking dad dick.

    • Atlanta Man October 8, 2015 at 6:43 pm #

      Killtoparty your shit is not bad, I sat here and binge read all your stuff-I like it. I liked it enough to read it all, if you write more I will read it. If you are on Twitter post a link and I will follow you.

      • killtoparty October 8, 2015 at 6:44 pm #

        Thanks. I’m @KillToParty on Twitter.

      • Atlanta Man October 8, 2015 at 8:38 pm #

        Killtoparty is followed, now write some more stuff for me to read! All I do is study and get yelled at on the wards! Delicous Tacos, Killtoparty , Ben Ben you fuckers keep me going ,living vicariously though your prose! Also the search terms Hot Anal Teens, keep the porn tubes coming! I am in the academic final stretch between the awesome blogs , hot teen porn, and chronic masturbation – I will make it!

    • pffffffftttsssssssiimmbllllllddddddnnnnnnnnn October 10, 2015 at 9:46 am #

      Your writing is too manospheric. I only read one entry, the Jodi Arias one, but I felt like I was being beaten over the head with every tired, annoying manosphere trope you could think of. Try to leave the agenda out of it and just write the story. If a particular event in the story sparks some insight, write it down, but don’t shoehorn the shit in to every paragraph. If you’re gonna tell a story about something like banging out some slampig just tell it – leave it up to the reader to glean some kind of deeper meaning from it, if there is any to glean. Usually there’s not, which is why you see DT constantly trying to spin gold out of straw here on this blog.

      Who knows, maybe DT and this hooker will have a little Castizo baby, fall in love and we’ll get a less depressing Leaving Las Vegas-style love story out of him.

      I told you in this post here:
      https://delicioustacos.com/2012/08/02/people-who-use-condoms/
      you can’t get Hep C from fucking, you don’t listen.

  6. Reformed Beta October 8, 2015 at 12:15 pm #

    Enjoyed this one more than a lot of your posts in a while. I would say you’re the voice of a generation, but in today’s mediocre cultural milieu, that’d be an insult. keep it movin’ mate.

  7. Small October 8, 2015 at 3:33 pm #

    I just realized: this is Bridget Jones’s Diary for men. Jesus Christ, how adorable.

    • Anal Trauma October 8, 2015 at 4:00 pm #

      You’re right! Maybe it should be called Delicious Jones. Sounds like a pimp’s name.
      Could it be turned into a screenplay?

  8. Father O'Hara October 8, 2015 at 6:16 pm #

    I think I know who the old grizzled dick is…does he have a big boat?

  9. Anal Trauma October 9, 2015 at 3:31 am #

    Where’s my bitch Lee Holloway? Your comments are desired, you dirty insatiable slut.

    • Lee Holloway October 12, 2015 at 8:29 pm #

      How did I miss this?! I was just longing for you on the newest DT post. The comments are so pathetic. They need you over there.

  10. Small October 9, 2015 at 10:54 am #

    Atlanta Man, didn’t you say that you like to fuck teenagers that you bring home from raves? On MDMA? I’m not surprised that they’re not blown away by your credentials. Of course they want a drug dealer, you fucking pussy.

    • Atlanta Man October 9, 2015 at 1:09 pm #

      That was this summer before this semester’s clinics began, this is supposed to be the easiest year but actually dealing with real live people instead of case studies is tough. Plus you gotta read the night before, study when it is over , then begin studying for the next day. This shit is really not intellectually difficult at this point it but it is tedious, repetitive and nitpicky.

      Now I have to go to regular bars and 21+ establishments when I have the time (which is never!) and those party girls ain’t buying what I am selling when it comes to ONS or sex quickly in general when I am truthful. Furthermore fuck you I am a asshole and a dick not a pussy. Insult me properly damn it!

      • Hadji October 15, 2015 at 6:40 pm #

        Are you ugly like DT?

    • Anonymous October 12, 2015 at 10:25 pm #

      holy fuck this comment is good

  11. bowler hat October 9, 2015 at 8:06 pm #

    killtoparty, your shameless advertising has earned you another reader.

    ,-)

  12. Anal Trauma October 10, 2015 at 3:58 am #

    Killtoparty, you have another reader. You need to post more though. Just like Delicious Jerkoff.

  13. fag comment October 11, 2015 at 9:06 am #

    fag

  14. ben October 11, 2015 at 1:36 pm #

    better put a diamond on her finger. a big one. flashy. max out your credit cards. she’s the one. she’ll want a harry winston. can’t go wrong with one of those.. get some matching tiffany earrings too. make sure other people know she’s spoken for. then go demand a raise at your work. get that pay raise. go buy a house. 30 year fixed ARM mortgage. nice place out in the suburbs. spacious front lawn. two car garage. good public schools. buy a mini van. keep fucking her until she squeezes out two kids 1-2 years apart. take them to school at 7am and then wade through traffic to get to your job by 9am. do your job. get home by 8pm. she’s at home in an apron. hot dinner on the table. the kids rush to hug your legs and yell “daddy!” as you walk through the doors. you smile and you look into her eyes and you see her looking back at you and you know you are loved. as she ages she looks more like eva mendez. you feel the warmth of the house and your mulatto kids. the smell of fresh baked apple pie wafting throughout the halls. you hang up your coat. put your suitcase away. and you sit down to dinner. and you get ready to say grace. and for a split second you recall that time you were in the phillipines fucking underaged chimp-faced whores on a filthy sweaty bed with thin sheets. and you feel the pain of remembered moments lost in time.

  15. RamboDickCheeseConnoisseur October 12, 2015 at 5:14 am #

    They actually have an effective cure for 80% of Hep C cases but it takes 12 weeks and costs $86,000 for the full course of treatment. If you don’t have Hep C I recommend you take Truvada which has so far proven 100% effective for preventing contraction of HIV and probably has a high resistance against herpes. So you can raw dog dirty prostitutes and shit and come out OK.

  16. whoratio algers aka "ben" October 12, 2015 at 2:24 pm #

    your stories, whether they are fictional or not, read like a contemporary rags to riches tale…fluctuations between getting and not getting pussy…the ebb and flow of twatitude. gamblers have highs and lows from winning or losing. you get highs and lows from sex or no sex with hoes. fascinating how the patterns are similar. keep up the exceptional wordsmithery and may “God” or whatever one day heal that bottomless pit in your “soul”.

  17. Ben October 22, 2015 at 1:41 pm #

    Check out Liverite Liver Aid (available on Amazon). 4.5 – 5 star reviews.

    Did the trick for me after years of binge drinking.

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