Archive | April, 2020

Corona Diaries: Is Kevin Dead

21 Apr

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Posting to promote my new book Savage Spear of the Unicorn

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Corona Diaries: The Cunt Next Door

16 Apr

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The cunt next door has landscapers with leaf blowers. 7AM second day this week. Maybe today will suck. Felt great in the shower. Then looked askance at the soap. Glanced slightly left to check on the Lever 2000 and it crippled my neck back and shoulder in a way where sitting or standing or lying down is painful. OK. The cunt next door needs constant landscaping. Tony Iommi Iron man drone of gas powered lawn tools screaming and groaning at all times to tell her she’s made it. She’ll pay 7 dollars an hour ten hours a day 8 days a week for a mariachi band with the tubas hooked up to Phil Lesh’s 32 foot speakers from the Grateful Dead’s 1974 Wall of Sound just to keep me from making a fucking blog post before work. From performing my quarantine work from home in a competent manner. She wants me to be miserable, get fired and have my penis fall off. She’ll succeed. Continue reading

Huge Succulent Jugs

14 Apr

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Posting to get page views for my new book, out now.

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I’m grateful to be alive. Continue reading

Passionately Romancing Jennifer Aniston’s Meatflaps

13 Apr

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This is the last Delicious Tacos book. The next one will be my real name. Augustus Beaujolais. Mortimer Q. Fagballs. Whatever my real name is, I don’t remember anymore. I’d pretend to be tired of this “persona” but I’m tired of the real version of me that has to work. I’d like to get more into my persona, become Hitler McFucksteens, get back into coke, drink, huff gas, move to Oonga Boonga Philippines and have a high school age girlfriend, et cetera. Continue reading

Corona Diaries: We’re Not Gonna Make It

1 Apr

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My aunt has coronavirus. Multiple comorbidities. In a hospital in New York. She won’t make it. Continue reading