The Beating

30 May

Pic unrelated.

Someone left a mean comment that I’m getting old. Stop Muay Thai, start jiu jitsu because I won’t get good at striking. Which is true. But I don’t plan to book a fuckin cage match. It’s just fun. Something to get better at. I pay a man to beat me up and praise me. Clinch work, he cranks my neck down with freakish monkey strength. Later I can’t beat off because the smell of another man’s hair gel won’t wash off my palms. If something smells like a man within 20 feet I can’t get hard. He tells me the bars are good again, there’s pussy. The only manly thing I can talk about. But I can’t drink. I’m on Hinge looking at age appropriate Southeast Asians. Because Michelle Malkin and Stephen Paddock’s wife look good to me. 15 months of quarantine. 

I could really beat someone’s ass now. No question. Some cholo comes at me in a boxing stance I can wail an outside kick right in his peroneal nerve. It fucking hurts, believe me. Do shit to him that gets done to me. Go in for a jab but instead grab his head, force his weak neck muscles down. High knee right in his chops with powerful hip flexors I got from checking drills with sandbags strapped on my ankles. Brutal jazzercise. Side knees to his ribs. Do women like this.

I have fantasies about stopping hate crimes. Caught on video, shown on Joe Rogan. Rogan Eddie Bravo and Brendan Schaub going OOOHHHH as my right head kick starches a knife wielding assailant charging kids waiting for the special needs bus. Perpetrating hate crimes. Savagely maiming the leaf blower crew sent by Epstein and the illuminati to shatter my train of thought each morning. Just going Bruce Lee on them until they shut the fuck up. There are no leaves to blow. They don’t get paid. Just there out of insane Mexican lust for loud noise.

I pay a man to kick me. To pretend it hurts when I kick him. Is it gay? What isn’t. I’d love to switch to sucking dick. Get a nice nine inch cock black teen boyfriend but it isn’t in the cards. Back on Hinge circumventing my ban for an underage Thai girl in my photo. The women look like they sleep in a food dehydrator. They have PhDs, make $200K. Their new thing is “you MUST have emotional intelligence.” They dated a tech guy for money. Couldn’t stand it. The wealth generator of our age is autism. It severed the money/ pussy connection.

I can’t give up. Can’t just turtle up and let old age, solitude, relative poverty, nutcrushing pathetic job, mediocre book sales and what have you rain blows on my arms and innards. Have to keep walking into it, countering, landing one out of ten till I have pugilistic dementia. Until I get rocked by a right hook I can feel swiveling my head like Usman clocking Masvidal that rips apart my ganglia, etc. Can’t go down without a fight and accept it. 45 but I felt like this at 22 and my pessimism’s genetic. I’ll also never write anything good again, etc. Who cares. I’ve put enough in the fucking canon. But you need pussy to live, or at least maintain your T levels.

What if the vaccine sterilized me. What if I can’t write anymore. Reading the animal studies, the lipid bilayer accumulates in ovaries and in your fucking pituitary gland- of course. Can I even cum if I don’t think she’ll get pregnant.

Put women in a spreadsheet. Things I put in Excel and chip away at work out. I can buy shoes and get a haircut because they’re red to do’s. Then blue when done. Do this with women. A business development project, the women are accounts I need to push forward. And what’s signing the contract. Pussy? Marriage? What do I want here. One biological child. Everything else negotiable. I’m incapable of love. A relief. Don’t pray for selfish things. God won’t give it to you.

What if I’m sterile. Doomed to die unmarried, et cetera. This is excellent because I can fuck Seeking Arrangement morons for life. My friends get married, they’re breeding like endangered zoo animals. Experts with elbow length rubber gloves make their babies from parts stored in liquid nitrogen. Over 40 you’re not quite a person; no eggs, no collagen– what are you for. Other friends getting into Judaism, strapping little boxes with the Torah in it on their heads and chanting. Others just checking out hanging themselves. One biological child. And I’m gonna stipulate that it’s from fucking. Not an $80,000 veterinary procedure. Would local Michelle Malkin even let me take the condom off.

What if I didn’t have to do this shit. Want to know how the next book’s coming? Disaster. I have no ideas. Can’t write anymore. Relief. The idea of giving up these dreams feels so good. Only thing stopping me is no good Xbox games. Invincible from Amazon Studios is stupid. But it’d be nice to finish out the decade on this site. 10 years and I never changed the fuckin font.

23 Responses to “The Beating”

  1. Anonymous May 30, 2021 at 2:10 pm #

    These days, like a well established faggot, you mention and slobber over Joe Rogan in your updates even more than you used to bitch and moan about your stupid cat.

    • TC May 31, 2021 at 1:51 am #

      Are you for real? This guy gets more chicks in a year than you do in a lifetime. Fagggggggggggggggg much?

      • Anonymous June 5, 2021 at 8:55 am #

        Hi, Tacos. LOL 😂

    • Weeklyreader23 May 31, 2021 at 5:47 pm #

      I mean yeah that’s pretty much it

      Missed the plantir tanking reference to really keep it on brand

  2. nathangaleipa May 30, 2021 at 5:43 pm #

    I had a dream last night where my girlfriend was raped by Elliot Paige.

    Good to hear that you’re doing okay.

  3. Nikolai Vladivostok May 30, 2021 at 8:58 pm #

    If you want to send an outline of your novel I can give you suggestions.

  4. Caleb May 31, 2021 at 8:34 am #

    “The women look like they sleep in a food dehydrator.”

    That’s a damn good line.

  5. Anonymous May 31, 2021 at 12:04 pm #

    Do you know your human design ? 😜

  6. Donkey Kong June 5, 2021 at 8:55 pm #

    As a dude living in SEA and not having been near anything female older than 23 yrs in the past decade …. reading all of this sad, sad drivel sometimes is super funny.

    With an ounce of motivation literally anyone can make 5k a month online. 10k, 15k, more, if you’re actually smart, maybe a bit lucky, maybe a bit creative. To sit in an office in LA like some kind of muppet, in 2021, is just plain retard level. Gene pool meant to not replicate.

    Is Tacos like the secretaries in Mad Men? That’s how I imagine it anyway.

    Bonus for imagining to be tough because of some kicking lessons. Run into any street rat who f*cks people up for fun, and see how that works out. Or anybody who’s ever been in a few actual Muai Thai fights. One kick? Heh. Not exactly a big deal for a whole lot of dudes who aren’t male secretaries in LA.

    All right. To whoever still read this last remaining vestige of the ole “pick up blogs”, let this all be a nice reminder of what happens to dudes who think they’re so amazing while they’re 25.

    • pancakemouse June 18, 2021 at 2:10 pm #

      Southeast Asia is, and will forever be, for guys that couldn’t hack it in a first world country.

      Once you get past that, more power to you.

      • The Big Deeeik June 24, 2021 at 9:19 pm #

        Oh yea. You mean the places where you’re told when you can leave your house, where the government takes your children and makes you give your ex wife money while she’s fking other dudes.

        Where the narrative is about the evil of being white and male, where literacy rates are laughably low, and your tax rates are insanely high.

        Those “first world” countries.

        Being worth 8 figures in Asia is something little parrot desk slaves in some bureaucratic Western nightmare will never understand or experience. You don’t even realize how much wealth and hedonist excess exists here.

        Because you’re still only a peasant no matter where you live.

      • shillberg June 24, 2021 at 10:08 pm #

        “first world countries” are completely fucked and the most authoritarian as of 2020. but of course that’s a general statement, and there are still particular states or provinces which have not been completely ruined.

        just off the top of my head:
        canada – fucked, all of it
        usa – mostly fucked, but a few good states remain. however, shitlibs and moderates are flocking to those states.
        netherlands – migrant crisis, lockdowns
        belgium – migrant crisis, lockdowns
        france – migrant crisis, lockdowns, high taxes
        germany – migrant crisis, merkel
        uk, ireland – fucked and cucked, migrant crisis, bad weather
        australia – basically half owned by china, fucked, strict lockdowns, high cost of living in coastal areas
        japan – starting to get fucked, already many unwanted dindus in okinawa and tokyo, sudden push for more migrants

        the list goes on and can easily include any other first world countries. if you didn’t make at least a solid million usd, by the start of 2020, and then bail to some more relaxed country or island, you are basically waiting to die. there’s a reason why mel gibson owns property in costa rica, he saw the writing on the wall long ago. tom hanks is now a greek citizen and probably owns an island over there. richard branson, david copperfield, both own islands.

  7. shillberg June 22, 2021 at 9:00 pm #

    good poast but weak, uninspired ending. no one cares about the font or the overly bright color scheme, except for me. anyway, are you blind, or simply not going out enough? socal is crawling with SEAmonkies. try leaving your neighborhood, which sounds like it’s mostly yuppie hipster whites and hispanic mutts. i bet you do the same thing every day and every weekend. browsing the same stupid dating apps, too. the font isn’t the only thing that hasnt’ changed in 10 years.

    “b-but i’m on HINGE now, not tinder or okcupid!!” same shit. anyway, i sincerely hope this is all 100% fiction and you’re actually living an AWESOME life and becoming the best version of yourself. at least the fight lessons make you sound less like a liberal pussy. that’s something new. next step: krav miga, Judaism, black tape wrapped around your forearms. glatt kosher only. when in rome, or in your case…los angeles. lots of good delis on pico and robertson. if you can’t beat em, join em, baby!

    • XRP3N15 June 23, 2021 at 10:03 pm #

      Mr. Delicious Tacos will father the Anti-Christ: a half-kosher half-sino hellspawn who looks and speaks exactly like Elliot, except he’ll be taller and thus more confident. Like a younger, more evil Jared Kushner. At least twice as evil because he’ll be raised by a bitchy “tiger mom” careerist type, who Mr. Tacos chose because she is “age-appropriate” and resembles Lucy Liu. As it is written, so shall it happen. I look forward to this outcome.

      • shillberg June 25, 2021 at 11:34 pm #

        1. have sex
        2. accumulate $WHACKD

        it’s what John would’ve wanted each of us to do. and yes, that includes you, tacos. i know you’re reading this comment. have a good weekend!

  8. Catxman June 26, 2021 at 7:08 pm #

    If life seems so limited, why not get the endorphin levels up and walk more? That’s part of my issue with the current heat wave: it saps my ability to walk because of the extreme heat. But exercise in general is good. Good to hear you doing the martial arts. I did karate and kung fu for a short time and these were fun. Master used to tell stories about himself as a young Chinese strapling having to wait for months in a spread-legged stance to build muscles and patience with the art in his being. Later, the combat moves come. First:

    Wait, grasshopper. Wait.

    — Catxman

    • shillberg July 12, 2021 at 10:30 am #

      try walking in an area with lots of trees, the shade is relaxing. we used to live in and near forests for a reason.

  9. Sed June 28, 2021 at 4:12 pm #

    I read American Psycho for the first time recently, and throughout the whole book I was thinking how much it reminded me of your blog. I can’t decide if everything you write comes from Bret Easton Ellis or if all men sound the same. You could take it as a compliment, though.

    • Ms. Soginis June 29, 2021 at 9:06 am #

      it wouldn’t be a compliment since Ellis’ writing predates tacos’ writing by a decade or more. not very difficult to read someone else’s work and then adopt the same style, pacing, themes, etc. and if you think all men sound the same, you ought to read books of different genres and you’ll notice that not all men write like Ellis or Palahniuk. i’m not saying tacos plagiarized others, but he even admits he is heavily influenced by his favorite writers like Houellebecq and Ellis. these authors sound alike because they’re writing around the same time period, about the same topics, feelings, using a style that they all enjoy. lots of overlap, because people who enjoy Ellis, or Palahniuk, but can’t wait for those guys to release their next novel, will gravitate to free blogs and alternative books that are similar.

      anyway, go read some Charles fucking Dickens and see if you still think all men sound the same. you dumb hole.

  10. Rich Guy Online July 20, 2021 at 9:05 am #

    Time to join a catholic church in an area with lots of tagalog speakers. You’re a data guy, figure out how to get this info. An easy trick is to search for “seafood city” in google maps. Or go to seafood city dot com and look up their locations. also search for “jollibee” and triangulate. It’s time to repent….and delve into philippines cuisine. Catholic guilt would fit perfectly with your life experiences. Even funnier if you’re there really just to get some pinay poon. but I know you won’t do it because you feel it’s too similar to what Roosh is doing. Seems like he’s always one step ahead of you.

    Reader mailbag: have you tried that “Raya” dating app, the one that requires you to be part of a creative “industry”? the one that ben afflec got rejected on because the roastie thought it was a fake profile, but it was really him.

    one more question, is there a way you can find out who that asian actress was, from wedding crashers (2005), she was included in the “laughing and falling topless” bedding montage. i think that was what started my yellowfever…

  11. Captain Hack Sparrow July 22, 2021 at 4:49 pm #

    wtf, malkin and paddock’s wife are disgusting. what do you think of chauvin’s ex-wife, she’s much better. for god’s sake tacos have some standards.

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    […] You fetishize Asian women. I thought how dare you then looked at the top post. It says I want to rail Michelle Malkin. Stephen Paddock’s wife. Women like her. I probably wrote that passage about her. And yes I […]

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