The Beating

30 May

Pic unrelated.

Someone left a mean comment that I’m getting old. Stop Muay Thai, start jiu jitsu because I won’t get good at striking. Which is true. But I don’t plan to book a fuckin cage match. It’s just fun. Something to get better at. I pay a man to beat me up and praise me. Clinch work, he cranks my neck down with freakish monkey strength. Later I can’t beat off because the smell of another man’s hair gel won’t wash off my palms. If something smells like a man within 20 feet I can’t get hard. He tells me the bars are good again, there’s pussy. The only manly thing I can talk about. But I can’t drink. I’m on Hinge looking at age appropriate Southeast Asians. Because Michelle Malkin and Stephen Paddock’s wife look good to me. 15 months of quarantine. 

I could really beat someone’s ass now. No question. Some cholo comes at me in a boxing stance I can wail an outside kick right in his peroneal nerve. It fucking hurts, believe me. Do shit to him that gets done to me. Go in for a jab but instead grab his head, force his weak neck muscles down. High knee right in his chops with powerful hip flexors I got from checking drills with sandbags strapped on my ankles. Brutal jazzercise. Side knees to his ribs. Do women like this.

I have fantasies about stopping hate crimes. Caught on video, shown on Joe Rogan. Rogan Eddie Bravo and Brendan Schaub going OOOHHHH as my right head kick starches a knife wielding assailant charging kids waiting for the special needs bus. Perpetrating hate crimes. Savagely maiming the leaf blower crew sent by Epstein and the illuminati to shatter my train of thought each morning. Just going Bruce Lee on them until they shut the fuck up. There are no leaves to blow. They don’t get paid. Just there out of insane Mexican lust for loud noise.

I pay a man to kick me. To pretend it hurts when I kick him. Is it gay? What isn’t. I’d love to switch to sucking dick. Get a nice nine inch cock black teen boyfriend but it isn’t in the cards. Back on Hinge circumventing my ban for an underage Thai girl in my photo. The women look like they sleep in a food dehydrator. They have PhDs, make $200K. Their new thing is “you MUST have emotional intelligence.” They dated a tech guy for money. Couldn’t stand it. The wealth generator of our age is autism. It severed the money/ pussy connection.

I can’t give up. Can’t just turtle up and let old age, solitude, relative poverty, nutcrushing pathetic job, mediocre book sales and what have you rain blows on my arms and innards. Have to keep walking into it, countering, landing one out of ten till I have pugilistic dementia. Until I get rocked by a right hook I can feel swiveling my head like Usman clocking Masvidal that rips apart my ganglia, etc. Can’t go down without a fight and accept it. 45 but I felt like this at 22 and my pessimism’s genetic. I’ll also never write anything good again, etc. Who cares. I’ve put enough in the fucking canon. But you need pussy to live, or at least maintain your T levels.

What if the vaccine sterilized me. What if I can’t write anymore. Reading the animal studies, the lipid bilayer accumulates in ovaries and in your fucking pituitary gland- of course. Can I even cum if I don’t think she’ll get pregnant.

Put women in a spreadsheet. Things I put in Excel and chip away at work out. I can buy shoes and get a haircut because they’re red to do’s. Then blue when done. Do this with women. A business development project, the women are accounts I need to push forward. And what’s signing the contract. Pussy? Marriage? What do I want here. One biological child. Everything else negotiable. I’m incapable of love. A relief. Don’t pray for selfish things. God won’t give it to you.

What if I’m sterile. Doomed to die unmarried, et cetera. This is excellent because I can fuck Seeking Arrangement morons for life. My friends get married, they’re breeding like endangered zoo animals. Experts with elbow length rubber gloves make their babies from parts stored in liquid nitrogen. Over 40 you’re not quite a person; no eggs, no collagen– what are you for. Other friends getting into Judaism, strapping little boxes with the Torah in it on their heads and chanting. Others just checking out hanging themselves. One biological child. And I’m gonna stipulate that it’s from fucking. Not an $80,000 veterinary procedure. Would local Michelle Malkin even let me take the condom off.

What if I didn’t have to do this shit. Want to know how the next book’s coming? Disaster. I have no ideas. Can’t write anymore. Relief. The idea of giving up these dreams feels so good. Only thing stopping me is no good Xbox games. Invincible from Amazon Studios is stupid. But it’d be nice to finish out the decade on this site. 10 years and I never changed the fuckin font.

12 Responses to “The Beating”

  1. Anonymous May 30, 2021 at 2:10 pm #

    These days, like a well established faggot, you mention and slobber over Joe Rogan in your updates even more than you used to bitch and moan about your stupid cat.

    • TC May 31, 2021 at 1:51 am #

      Are you for real? This guy gets more chicks in a year than you do in a lifetime. Fagggggggggggggggg much?

      • Anonymous June 5, 2021 at 8:55 am #

        Hi, Tacos. LOL 😂

    • Weeklyreader23 May 31, 2021 at 5:47 pm #

      I mean yeah that’s pretty much it

      Missed the plantir tanking reference to really keep it on brand

  2. nathangaleipa May 30, 2021 at 5:43 pm #

    I had a dream last night where my girlfriend was raped by Elliot Paige.

    Good to hear that you’re doing okay.

  3. Nikolai Vladivostok May 30, 2021 at 8:58 pm #

    If you want to send an outline of your novel I can give you suggestions.

  4. Caleb May 31, 2021 at 8:34 am #

    “The women look like they sleep in a food dehydrator.”

    That’s a damn good line.

  5. Anonymous May 31, 2021 at 12:04 pm #

    Do you know your human design ? 😜

  6. Donkey Kong June 5, 2021 at 8:55 pm #

    As a dude living in SEA and not having been near anything female older than 23 yrs in the past decade …. reading all of this sad, sad drivel sometimes is super funny.

    With an ounce of motivation literally anyone can make 5k a month online. 10k, 15k, more, if you’re actually smart, maybe a bit lucky, maybe a bit creative. To sit in an office in LA like some kind of muppet, in 2021, is just plain retard level. Gene pool meant to not replicate.

    Is Tacos like the secretaries in Mad Men? That’s how I imagine it anyway.

    Bonus for imagining to be tough because of some kicking lessons. Run into any street rat who f*cks people up for fun, and see how that works out. Or anybody who’s ever been in a few actual Muai Thai fights. One kick? Heh. Not exactly a big deal for a whole lot of dudes who aren’t male secretaries in LA.

    All right. To whoever still read this last remaining vestige of the ole “pick up blogs”, let this all be a nice reminder of what happens to dudes who think they’re so amazing while they’re 25.

    • pancakemouse June 18, 2021 at 2:10 pm #

      Southeast Asia is, and will forever be, for guys that couldn’t hack it in a first world country.

      Once you get past that, more power to you.

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