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50 Ways to Get a Girlfriend

17 Nov

BOP

  1. Continue with Hinge
  2. Continue “shoring” on Seeking Arrangement. Pay girls to rub my back and fuck them when my muscles make them horny. One starts liking me. Continue reading

Plenty of Fish

28 Jun

229691681-the-temptation-of-saint-anthony-museu-nacional-de-arte-antiga-hieronymus-bosch-lisbon

There’s no reason to spend a millisecond with another person who isn’t fucking me. And yet I do. I’ll see my parents. Then go to this stupid AA meeting. My father’s dead yet I still go to at least 50 parental birthday dinners a year. Because it’s Mother’s Day Father’s Day This Day That Day– some fucking wedding, Jesus Christ. There’s no Fuck Me Day, no Mexican Teen Pussy Day, Xbox Day. All chit chatting with old people until you look down and your own hands are old. Continue reading

Protected: No One Else Gets Laid Either

26 Jan

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Protected: OKCupid 2017

15 Jan

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Protected: You Should Message Me If Part 5

1 Dec

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Protected: You Should Message Me If Part 4

11 Sep

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Protected: Diary: My Brief Abstinence Career

3 Sep

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Protected: Sanctuary

29 Aug

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Protected: I Am Not Allowed to Think about Hot Young Pussy

28 Aug

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My First Ever Online Date

18 Aug
not her, but close

not her, but close

I was on Match. 2006. My “headline” was “You should totally go out with me.” A girl messaged me saying “my roommate should totally go out with you.” I thought it was some kind of scam but no one else on the site gave a shit that I existed, so, I heard her out. She sent pics. They were of an American Apparel ass model. I thought: OK, now I gotta know what the scam is. So I set a date near my place. I honestly thought there would be people with cameras laughing at me.

I get there and it really is an American Apparel ass model. Also a med student. Really gorgeous, really smart, everything. We drank wine and it went well and she suggested we go back to my place. We did. And I had no idea how going on a date works, so– I didn’t make a move. I didn’t even kiss her. We talked for two more hours and then I walked her out and gave her a peck on the cheek goodnight. I thought that’s what you were supposed to do, seriously. And I thought the second date should be dinner so I asked her out again and she got all hesitant and weird and eventually just flaked.

I’ve been behaving like a complete pig ever since. Chasing down the ghost of the best pussy I ever could have had.