My First Ever Online Date

18 Aug
not her, but close

not her, but close

I was on Match. 2006. My “headline” was “You should totally go out with me.” A girl messaged me saying “my roommate should totally go out with you.” I thought it was some kind of scam but no one else on the site gave a shit that I existed, so, I heard her out. She sent pics. They were of an American Apparel ass model. I thought: OK, now I gotta know what the scam is. So I set a date near my place. I honestly thought there would be people with cameras laughing at me.

I get there and it really is an American Apparel ass model. Also a med student. Really gorgeous, really smart, everything. We drank wine and it went well and she suggested we go back to my place. We did. And I had no idea how going on a date works, so– I didn’t make a move. I didn’t even kiss her. We talked for two more hours and then I walked her out and gave her a peck on the cheek goodnight. I thought that’s what you were supposed to do, seriously. And I thought the second date should be dinner so I asked her out again and she got all hesitant and weird and eventually just flaked.

I’ve been behaving like a complete pig ever since. Chasing down the ghost of the best pussy I ever could have had.

17 Responses to “My First Ever Online Date”

  1. K-hole in the Sweltering Valley August 18, 2015 at 1:43 pm #

    Found her!

  2. John Wayne Wood August 18, 2015 at 2:19 pm #

    “I’ve been behaving like a complete pig ever since. Chasing down the ghost of the best pussy I ever could have had.”

    This was prophetic. Every guy out there is chasing that ghost somehow.

  3. Atlanta Man August 18, 2015 at 3:35 pm #

    It is better to try to fuck and have her say “no” than to not try at all and wonder”what if?”.

  4. sudden August 19, 2015 at 9:26 am #

    This is nearly identical to my first experience with online dating following my divorce in 2013 (but in my realm of pathetic failure I went through two such dates without escalating). And I too have become a monster since.

  5. ben bien August 19, 2015 at 5:50 pm #

    finally, the Delicious Tacos origin story. it all makes sense now.

    this would make an excellent start for a chapter of your next book.

    maybe also think about a 3rd book called ‘Ripped & Sober: How I Quit Drinking and Got into the Best Shape of my Life at age 40″. the cover could be that shirtless pic of you under harsh lighting (no homo).

    just the usual 2 cents from some guy you don’t know.

    no pressure. you can’t rush creativity. yadda yadda.

    P.S. I just finished an ebook too, published on Amazon Kindle. it’s gonna rape yours (not really).

  6. Cody August 19, 2015 at 8:26 pm #

    I feel like I’m playing catchup for all the girls I didn’t fuck in school and college. Yet even if I were to turn things around and experience a permanent pussy windfall, it can never make up for those lost years. The damage has been done. Maybe I should just get fat and lose my sex drive like most men approaching 30. Try to find happiness in making money, weekend barbecues, and spectator sports.

  7. CK August 20, 2015 at 4:42 am #

    Remembrance of Things Ass

    • Ditto August 20, 2015 at 4:36 pm #

      I laughed

  8. woodynyou August 20, 2015 at 5:37 pm #

    It’s hard to let go of the times that required action but for whatever reason I didn’t make my move. I remember there was this sax player who invited me over to her apartment to listen to music. She had on a romantic Bill Evans trio record. About an hour into my visit she asked if I would like to see her promo photos in which she was clad in a sexy bikini holding her sax. How could I have not taken the hint?! 30 years later it still stings.

  9. Anonymous August 22, 2015 at 5:53 am #

    Which other post is this girl mentioned in? I know there was one awhile ago but I can’t find it

  10. Patrick Yamamoto August 22, 2015 at 6:20 am #

    A wise man once told me, “The shag you knock back is the shag you’ll never get”. Well, he told my friend who told me.

  11. Anal Trauma August 23, 2015 at 4:32 am #

    She stood there bright as the sun on that California coast
    He was a midwestern boy on his own
    She looked at him with those soft eyes, so innocent and blue
    He knew right then he was too far from home He was too far from home

    She took his hand and she led him along that golden beach
    They watched the waves tumble over the sand
    They drove for miles and miles
    up those twisting turning roads
    Higher and higher and higher they climbed

    And those Hollywood nights
    In those Hollywood hills
    She was looking so right
    In her diamonds and frills
    All those big city nights
    In those high rolling hills
    Above all the lights
    She had all of the skills

    He’d headed west ’cause he felt that a change
    would do him good
    See some old friends, good for the soul
    She had been born with a face that would let her get her way
    He saw that face and he lost all control
    He had lost all control

    Night after night, day after day, it went on and on
    Then came that morning he woke up alone
    He spent all night staring down at the lights of LA
    Wondering if he could ever go home

    And those Hollywood nights
    In those Hollywood hills
    It was looking so right
    It was giving him chills
    In those big city nights
    In those high rolling hills
    Above all the lights
    With a passion that kills

    In those Hollywood nights
    In those Hollywood hills
    She was looking so right
    In her diamonds and frills
    All those big city nights
    In those high rolling hills
    Above all the lights
    She had all of the skills

  12. Aaron August 25, 2015 at 9:04 am #

    Yep. So many lost opportunities from my clueless earlier years. “You could have taken advantaged of me if you wanted,” one girlfriend said about our first date. These bitches want to get ravished/raped.

  13. iowu August 25, 2015 at 10:40 am #

    ” And I had no idea how going on a date works”

    How’s that possible? you were 30 at the time.

    • Ditto August 26, 2015 at 2:03 am #

      was thinking about that too

  14. lolz August 26, 2015 at 12:54 pm #

    Skinny hipster slut wore a loose-fitting spaghetti strap dress on the train today. She bent down and I saw her sweet A-cups. Her nipples managed to stay hidden.

    Today was almost a good day.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. My First Ever Online Date | Manosphere.com - August 18, 2015

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