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26 Jul

Going crazy. Want to kill myself. I hate my sponsor. I hate God. I hate Alcoholics Anonymous. But it’s too early to drink.

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous: don’t get me started. It’s the devil. Felt good for a day thinking I wouldn’t be thirsty anymore. Then Isla didn’t text me back. I woke up and understood why people shoot up movie theaters.

Big coyote in the park this morning. Running from something. Kicked out of his pack, out into the atom bomb sunlight. Poor bastard. I still chased him. Continue reading

Morning Meditation

19 Jul


(Buy my book Hot Naked Tits.)

In the mood to hang myself today. To counteract this I’m in the park. To meditate. Conscious contact with my higher power. His voice is in the birds. But somewhere there’s a city crew using a gas powered weed cutter or some shit. Clearing brush at 8am on a Sunday. Definitely the best time to have loud machines. Not between 9 and 5 on a weekday when people are at school and work. 8AM Sunday when the crew can make double time and people want to sleep in. Weed whacker grinding up nests full of baby birds that would have grown up to sing.

Also some Mexican event going on. Sabado Gigante announcer barking into the loudest PA mankind ever built. Subwoofers the size of the pyramids. State sponsored festival for childhood diabetes. You get pamphlets and a free tote bag that says Law Offices of Larry H. Parker. Lines for this extending back into the canyons. A bouncy castle, the delighted screams of children. Ice cream truck with hand drawn unlicensed Spiderman on the side, playing “Music Box Dancer.” One of the teeth in the music box is broken; it’s been missing a note for ten years. Continue reading

Make No Mistake: You Are a Cunt, Tiffany

15 Jun


Fucking Tiffany. Whatever, you had armpit hair in your instagram shot. Maybe it’s good that you flaked. But no. The armpit hair kind of feminist fucks fast and raw. I don’t know what you MRAs are complaining about. Get with the times, fools– you never had an easier piece of pussy in your life. What’s more they love a good forearm in the windpipe with some weight behind it. Sure her twitter feed will drive you nuts but: I’m a simple man. I like to fuck nasty pussy. Leave politics to the professionals. Continue reading