Make No Mistake: You Are a Cunt, Tiffany

15 Jun


Fucking Tiffany. Whatever, you had armpit hair in your instagram shot. Maybe it’s good that you flaked. But no. The armpit hair kind of feminist fucks fast and raw. I don’t know what you MRAs are complaining about. Get with the times, fools– you never had an easier piece of pussy in your life. What’s more they love a good forearm in the windpipe with some weight behind it. Sure her twitter feed will drive you nuts but: I’m a simple man. I like to fuck nasty pussy. Leave politics to the professionals.

I like a chick with armpit hair. Nice sweaty day and she’s ovulating. Catch her impregnate me smell on your face. The sheets. I would have enjoyed my date with you, Tiffany, is what I’m saying. Except you fucking flaked as I was walking to it. But this is why you invite girls to shit you were doing anyway. Now I’m at the pond; there’s a Filipina bent over in a sports bra and calf high tube socks doing some kind of stretching routine. I’m realizing I should only bang Asians. Still. How could you have known that.

I want to text you something mean. But I know it’s a bad idea. My “no worries” was perfect. No gelding myself trying to reschedule. You’re fat and you have armpit hair. Well, maybe you’re not fat– except your Tinder doesn’t have a clinically lit picture of your full thin half naked body with today’s newspaper next to it. So you’re a hog. Still. That too means you fuck fast. There is nothing about you that says anything except: I fuck fast. Stupid instagram soft lit with you half wrapped in a sheet, top of your tits hanging out. Haircut like you got herpes from the bass player of the opening act. The perfect woman.

I’m trying to sustain being mad at you so I can milk a blog post out if it. Woman hating always pops and make no mistake: you are a cunt, Tiffany. But I can’t bring myself to give a shit. It’s a nice day. There are baby ducks. Instead of fucking you I’ll do back day. Finish Where I’m Calling From. Nice beef stew in the slow cooker. Sunday meditation meeting. Things get better as I get older, Tiffany, and try as I might I can’t stretch your rejection into something. Still: get AIDS, I guess.

8 Responses to “Make No Mistake: You Are a Cunt, Tiffany”

  1. IMGrody June 15, 2015 at 8:29 pm #

  2. ragingindependent June 15, 2015 at 8:52 pm #

    Brite Spot? Tagging and the breakfast special echo park style,

  3. Poppy June 16, 2015 at 3:20 pm #

    Hahaha. Now we’re talking.

  4. Anonymous June 18, 2015 at 11:49 pm #

    Seriously, I really hope you’re just saying all that to make yourself feel better. Obviously some of it is but woe to us mutants you would never pretend to want to fuck.

  5. killer..B June 20, 2015 at 2:52 pm #

    DT- you are my new favorite writer. Stay sober bud, or just smoke pot, either way.

  6. twaticus maximus June 27, 2015 at 1:41 pm #

    hope tiffany gets raped by a pack of african-american individuals. or, whatever.


  1. Make No Mistake: You Are a Cunt, Tiffany | - June 15, 2015

    […] Make No Mistake: You Are a Cunt, Tiffany […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: