California Sensations

26 Mar

I had a dream I fucked my retarded cousin and my stepfather caught me. His anger and disappointment were unbelievably painful. It was clear he’d have me prosecuted and would cut me out of his life.

The next night I had a dream a short hot Jewish woman with dyed honey color hair pissed in front of me. Naked with a sliding bathroom door open. She wiped off her pussy, which was bald. Her whole body tan and bald. Then we went to hook up. She sat me down in an armchair and took out my flaccid cock to suck it hard. I had the feeling of the first second of your cock going in a hot mouth. The best moment. Then my mom was in the hallway behind me. We were at a house party. She saw me. And I texted her GET OUT. The party got broken up somehow. The cops came.

The way I got caught fucking my Down Syndrome cousin, who is 40, was some knowledge the experience gave her about pubes. She had unshaven pubes and mine were shaved, or vice versa. She said something to my stepdad about the differences in people’s pubes, which had been news to her. This was how he deduced. it. Maybe the worst dream I’ve ever had. The Jewish girl was one of the best. For a few seconds until my parents showed up. Can nothing just be good. Rod Serling always shows up right before you slip in her cooze.

I went to see Nick Mullen at the Brea Improv. Maybe that’s what it was. Thinking about him. He talks about retarded people. Chinese people. I really don’t know his work. I don’t listen to Podcasts. I listen to Red Scare once in a while because they talk about me.

I saw a retarded man outside the Nick Mullen show. A fat man with Down Syndrome slowly loading trays of take out food into the back seat of a black Chevy Blazer. Leaning way out with the door open so I couldn’t get my car around the Blazer to the valet stand. Meaningful both to the show and my hideous dream.

I was there with people who “know who I am.” There was a hot woman, with a nice ass in a silk skirt. She wanted me to come party with them at the Yard House. And I wanted to go. I wanted to impregnate her and live in the suburbs and eat at chain restaurants. But I’m in Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. I can’t be near an available woman. I feel guilty thinking about her ass but my bottom lines I can’t break are physical actions I initiate in the world. Not my dreams. Not my thoughts. Not my son I make in dreams who’s untouched by fire, and I’m merely a dream myself.

At the end of the set Nick said I’ll be outside if people want to say hi. I thought about it. I went home instead. What am I gonna say. Does he know who I am. It occurs now I could have said: hey I liked the show. Which he might want to hear. I could have just been a person and said hey man your show was great, some of the best comedy I’ve ever seen. Which it was. I texted my ex who’s into Nick Mullen. My ex I’m not supposed to talk to. She has a beautiful bald pussy. Does he know who I am. She said yes, definitely. Did he do the Stephen Hawking bit. They have a set they have to do over and over. Like the hell of a wicked Greek king.

I almost skipped it to watch Neon Genesis Evangelion. Horny teenagers pilot giant robots. The main guy, a boy, lives with an adult woman who drinks beer and leaves her panties laying around. One of the other teens wears a scandalous bikini. I want to go through the screen and sniff both garments. I want to smell a Japanese cartoon character’s crotch. I’d gladly live in a word where mountain sized mechanized aliens crush cities and kill millions to do this. The boy’s looking up girls’ skirts by accident. He’s always walking in on them after a shower. Two main girls, one of them’s spunky and the other’s cold and autistic. I want to travel to a dimension where these Japanese cartoon girls are real and they walk in on me in the bath and see my penis, like in the show. I want to affix my sensory organs to their Japanese cartoon ass cracks. I also like the cicada sounds they use. Maybe as harbingers of some alien life cycle. It’s very well done.

I thought it was retarded Japanese bullshit until I switched the dubbing off and used subtitles with the original voice actors. The series has been praised for its use of Freudian themes, I tell my therapist. And there’s an innocent teenage sexuality. Is this giving you a hit, she says. Triggering my Sex and Love Addiction. Well it wouldn’t have before. I’d have thought it idiotic. But now that I can’t watch porn I hear that theme song and smell pussy.

I’m allowed to beat off every other day. After 3PM, without pornography. I use my California Sensations Vibrating Male Stroker. My penis gets so hard it looks menacing.

I was thinking about monkeys. I googled world’s smallest primate. It’s the Philippine tarsier. The first tarsier video has a hot Philippine woman in it. She cares for the endangered primate in a sanctuary. I knew I shouldn’t watch. I did anyway. De baby is like your thumb, she said. And den de adult one is just like dees, she says, five inches to six inches.

The Philippine tarsier fucks once a year for 5 seconds. Its cum turns into cement so no other cum can get in the female’s pussy. If the tarsier hears a loud noise it bangs its head until it stops breathing.

I took a bike ride by the river. A homeless guy had a bonfire with tree trunks in a tub from an old washing machine. He pushed a shopping cart in the river. It kept going and going. It stayed upright. It’s a record, he said. It doesn’t fall down. Upriver another homeless guy was flying a purple kite.

I walked to the grocery store. I noticed a tan woman in black yoga pants with an exposed midriff. A little sloppy but she was getting me hot. I stayed on her side of the street. To look. Up close she was homeless. She’s half naked, dancing. I say hello. There’s a green wig hanging on a dining room chair someone threw out. And she says: this is my daughter. You can have all my father’s stuff, she says. I say no thank you.

12 Responses to “California Sensations”

  1. stalking p8stie across europe March 26, 2023 at 11:43 pm #

    first comment. I broke this poast’s hymen. everyone else commenting below me is getting sloppy seconds.

  2. Nikolai Vladivostok March 27, 2023 at 6:27 pm #

    Does your uncle read this?

    • Choad March 28, 2023 at 6:41 pm #

      Wows, Nikolai. Sovietman. I’m Nigerian. I liked reading your blog. Just realized I haven’t in like a year. It’s been a while. I hope you’re well.

      I liked the post/poast, DT. We got very close to classic DT, here. Very close. The hot Phillipine woman, you didn’t talk about all the things you wanted to do to her. But that’s okay.

      I’m going to be 28 this year. It’s the year I quit drugs. Benzos don’t work anymore. They just get me aggressive. I can’t move during the day, and I can’t sleep at night. Opiate high last 15 minutes and make the next 3 days hell from withdrawal. My drug dealer told me to stop doing drugs. Alcohol is shit. Marijuana is shit. I lost all my friends. Did drugs so hard I blew millions and now wake up unable to move and all my friends are gone. We didn’t part on a good note.
      But sobriety, I can see it doesn’t get to be much fun, but it’s not entirely hell. So that’s nice to know. Tedium of experience and anxiety and anhedonia. Is that all? Okay, I’ll take it.

      • Nigerian Nachoads April 16, 2023 at 11:26 am #

        have u tried rubbing C.B.D. oil on ur taint and on ur Nigerian B.B.C.?

  3. Dingo March 30, 2023 at 7:33 am #

    PUA to incel. It’s actually a thing that happens to most guys like you, Tacos.

    • Neil A fisting an Alien March 31, 2023 at 3:02 pm #

      delishT can get pussy, he just can’t keep ’em around long enough to have a healthy relationship and a baby. for some reason he wanted this because babies and children are cute, but what about when they grow up to be unruly or ungrateful? maybe it’s just our genetic programming that’s screaming this need to creampie every living woman we see. but for me, one of the most pleasant feelings is that post-nut clarity, of thinking to myself, “damn i’m glad i’m not tied down by a family”. i feel this whether i’ve nutted into a tissue or actual pussy (which happens rarely!). it’s a special relief. i’m also thankful i’m not white, so i don’t feel this pressure to continue my awesome superior race, a race which continues to get subverted, tricked and enslaved by the more unscrupulous khazars. call it cope but by G-d, what a relief it is.

      • salmon appreciator April 4, 2023 at 11:59 pm #

        LA is one of the worst places to try to start a family. If someone smart were to “run the data” they would find that women in LA are most interested in career success and status-maxxing. It’s not impossible to get a wife and family, but the *odds* are just not working in your favor. Minorities and rich caucasians are doing it, though. Maybe they are meeting from work, or they are moving to LA from other places. Makes you wonder why DT hasn’t been able to get some of that sweet coworker pussy. If you look into Trump’s family history, his grandfather got rich and then went back to his hometown to marry a woman from his neighborhood. Very salmon-like behavior.

  4. my IP is not anonymous March 30, 2023 at 12:17 pm #

    cousin-fvckin is kind of hot, if she’s also sexy and young, and if i’m wearing a condom. used to feel uncomfortable wearing a condom, used to think you “can’t feel her wet pussy” but now i find it erotic, because it feels like you’re fvckin a whore. makes it feel like who ever you’re stickin it to is some dirty slut or easily-impregnable teen. i duno. i think i’m gonna start drinking again. sober life is too boring. time passes by too slowly. god isn’t answering my prayers so i’ll try opening up to satan. did you know Niel A backwards is Alien? given all the ugliness in the world, i don’t think there is a god. just aliens, demons and satan.

  5. Caesar March 31, 2023 at 7:40 am #

    WTF are you in love and sex addicts anonymous for , why not just get a sex change or maybe get neutered like a dog literally chop off your nuts cause you basically did it figuratively already , or as a fan of your writing i say this to you my man, WAKE THE FUCK UP AND GET SOME PUSSY QUIT THAT STUPID SEX ADDICTS GROUP ITS NOT HELPING ITS HURTING YOU …New Pussy is the key to happiness its the essence of life for a man trust me fuck a random chick maybe you get to know each and develop something or not who cares just do it brother if not your going to waste away in misery , i say this as a admirer of your writing not trying to put you down .

  6. CUMTOWN subscriber April 1, 2023 at 11:34 pm #

    you belong with the dirtbag left, nick mullen, cumtown, redscare crowd. your berniebro socialist views align with them 100%. doesn’t mean you need to stop grifting the dissident right pro-racemixing-with-asians crowd. but if the end goal is making more $ then why not expand to more audiences. plenty of nick mullen simps would love your books and tweets. same type of humor and tone.

  7. caesar227 April 22, 2023 at 12:34 pm #

    Why not just castrate yourself and become a eunuch or just be a hermit and go to the deep dark woods and die because ever since you started this sex addicts anonymous bullsh#t you have stopped living first you need to really check your mental health cause your depriving yourself of manhood and why you would think you wanting sex with woman is a bad thing as long as they are of age and consenting then nothing is wrong with it your going to extremes for what you dont owe the sex addicts class a damn thing , so quit that castration and man hating group now be a normal fking man and live life .. p.s. its affecting your humor and writting too and before someone responds with “well you dont have to read it if you dont like it” im not saying this to bash tacos im being honest because i appreciate the man he was full of talent funny and above all a Man ..

    • BrownClown April 26, 2023 at 11:13 pm #

      Relax, man. Tacos probably gets more pussy in a single week than most of us get in a full year, and without trying. He’s a decorated veteran of the Pussy War. While the rest of us are still crawling in the trenches, covered in sweat and blood, he gets emails and DMs from his female fans. Once you reach a certain level of e-celebrity, the pussy and money just flows, like how Al Gore doesn’t really need to work anymore. He just gives “talks” and they pay him $100K per “speaking engagement” to a room full of bored ESG grifters. Similarly, Tacos shows up to work, completes his daily responsibilities, and cashes in on a six-figure salary. After work he can easily score dates or have an assistant line up options. Once your coat is covered in medals from two decades of shredding LA trim, it’s no longer something that requires struggle or thought or energy. Just being an employed Whiteboi with a car and his own rented house can get him laid with any hot minority woman age 18-48. If you successfully survive and become successful by age 40-45, while maintaining mental and physical strength, the world is your oyster. Problem is, many young men burn out or get married to the wrong woman much earlier than that, and they turn into Al Bundy.

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