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Reader Mailbag: How Do I Get People to Read My Writing

12 Jan

streisand awards

David writes:

…how do you get people to come to your website when they don’t even know your name?

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Reader Mailbag: What Do You Think about Donald Trump

13 Dec

trump detail

I’m posting old unpublished material to draw page views for my new book Finally, Some Good News.

This was written when Stan Lee was still alive, whenever he got accused of beating off on his maid’s face.
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Fuck Cunt Pussy

3 Dec

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My new book is out. Need to write a blog post but I blew my kundalini beating off to teen underwear ads. Plus life is pretty good. I could get fired and still have money. Today I went to Target. Bought a welcome mat with a cheerful bird on it. Brushed steel trash can. Nickelplated curtain rods. My new home shaping up. Soon I can play Red Dead Redemption 2 without sun glare making the screen inscrutable. I found a fast horse. She had kicked an NPC to death as he tried to shoe her in a field. Killed the legendary white buffalo and had its skin turned into an outfit I find pleasing. Continue reading

Beat the Dog

11 Aug

vick hat

I was on the beach. I was “scouting locations” for my book. I needed a house. It belongs to a specific person, I can’t say who. And I read that she lived in this beach town. So I went there and I walked down and down and down the beach past where young teens shivered in the waist high water with their ass cracks devouring their bikini bottoms. To the rich people part of the beach where old men sitting in folding camping chairs glare at you because in their mind this beach is private. And I glared back because I’d be happy to humiliate them in front of their wives and daughters. Stun them with one right cross then drag them out in the surf and hold their head down for about 45 seconds. Let them up for one desperate breath. Then back down again. Repeat repeat repeat. The wife can’t leave to run back in the vacation rental and get the phone to call the cops but she’s not quite prepared for violence either, genetically. She has to puzzle out a right-size piece of driftwood to swing at me with. I got doxed so I won’t tell you what happens to her in this story. She better hope a fuckin dolphin saves her. Continue reading

Reader Mailbag: Are You Happy Now

23 Jun

joi

“Joe” writes:

Hi Delicious Tacos,

I read a post a few years ago. It’s this one:

https://delicioustacos.com/2016/07/06/destroy-the-earth/

Has your life improved?

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Triumph of the Will

27 Apr
sportcafe24

sportcafe24.com

My neighbor got bedbugs. I only see him when he has to drag a big plastic city trash can under his balcony. Spiderman himself up into his apartment. Something I used to do when I got fucked up. Once in a while I see his girlfriend walking up the stairs. So beautiful it makes me panic for a second, even though she can’t see me in my kitchen. Someone once asked me to pick a superpower. I chose invisibility. It only came true for pretty girls. I never forget my keys. I’m alone. He has the kind of girl who gives you Devendra Banhart’s bedbugs. Continue reading

Death Valley

25 Apr

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I drove five hours to Death Valley and five hours back in a day so I could have five minutes of silence. Deep out in the chemical flats with the air thick and close and nothing but me and one white lizard running fast on two legs, away from me. It was worth it. Continue reading