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Interview with the Pussy Vampire

24 May

cruise oprah

Here’s an interview I did with Chip Smith from Nine Banded Books. This will also be on Autistic Mercury. Possibly in print somewhere.

I wrote this before Roosh converted to Christianity and banned all mention of sex from his forum.

Like everything recently, it exists to plug my new book: Continue reading

Cuckolded by a Savage Armenian

10 Mar
lance05

image: Wizards of the Coast

I have a new post at Autistic Mercury reviewing the “Cat Person” short story collection.

Also: Continue reading

Roots

3 Feb

john-howland-overboard

I’m posting old unpublished material to draw page views for my new novel Finally, Some Good News.

My mom got into genealogy. So did your mom. Older women love genealogy the way actresses love astrology. Whereas men know your great grandmother took a hot load from the blacksmith. Blacksmithed.com. Continue reading

Reader Mailbag: How Do I Get People to Read My Writing

12 Jan

streisand awards

David writes:

…how do you get people to come to your website when they don’t even know your name?

Continue reading

Reader Mailbag: What Do You Think about Donald Trump

13 Dec

trump detail

I’m posting old unpublished material to draw page views for my new book Finally, Some Good News.

This was written when Stan Lee was still alive, whenever he got accused of beating off on his maid’s face.
Continue reading

Fuck Cunt Pussy

3 Dec

finally screen cap

My new book is out. Need to write a blog post but I blew my kundalini beating off to teen underwear ads. Plus life is pretty good. I could get fired and still have money. Today I went to Target. Bought a welcome mat with a cheerful bird on it. Brushed steel trash can. Nickelplated curtain rods. My new home shaping up. Soon I can play Red Dead Redemption 2 without sun glare making the screen inscrutable. I found a fast horse. She had kicked an NPC to death as he tried to shoe her in a field. Killed the legendary white buffalo and had its skin turned into an outfit I find pleasing. Continue reading

Beat the Dog

11 Aug

vick hat

I was on the beach. I was “scouting locations” for my book. I needed a house. It belongs to a specific person, I can’t say who. And I read that she lived in this beach town. So I went there and I walked down and down and down the beach past where young teens shivered in the waist high water with their ass cracks devouring their bikini bottoms. To the rich people part of the beach where old men sitting in folding camping chairs glare at you because in their mind this beach is private. And I glared back because I’d be happy to humiliate them in front of their wives and daughters. Stun them with one right cross then drag them out in the surf and hold their head down for about 45 seconds. Let them up for one desperate breath. Then back down again. Repeat repeat repeat. The wife can’t leave to run back in the vacation rental and get the phone to call the cops but she’s not quite prepared for violence either, genetically. She has to puzzle out a right-size piece of driftwood to swing at me with. I got doxed so I won’t tell you what happens to her in this story. She better hope a fuckin dolphin saves her. Continue reading