Archive | October, 2016

I Can See Myself with Her but She Has Herpes

30 Oct

I can see myself with her but she has herpes, I tell my therapist. She waited to tell me but I knew. The signs were there. She’s over 28 and lived in New York. That alone enough. But also she knows musicians. It’s funny, he says. Most of my clients are men. But the ones with herpes are all women.

He’s gay so he doesn’t know. Listen: all women only fuck the same five guys. If you have full bore raw sex with a herpes woman for a year, you have a four per cent chance of getting it. For a man to get herpes he’s fucking 500 women a year. Guys like that don’t go to therapy.

Protected: I’m Going to Kill My Landlady

30 Oct

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Protected: Week in Review

15 Oct

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Protected: Diary: Grab Them by the Pussy

9 Oct

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Finally, Some Good News (Part 2)

2 Oct

finances

Previously

He was reviewing his finances. He’d worked two years. Now he had six months of money.

If I get fired tomorrow and couldn’t collect unemployment. Six months of the lifestyle to which I’m accustomed. About half to rent. Car payment. 30% of it’s interest even though the loan is 6% interest. The car was 16 grand but I’ll end up paying 29 grand if I stay on schedule. How financing works.

What do I have, he thought. The car. Some guitars. What else. My bike got stolen by the citizen offspring of undocumented whatever you call them now. Rent sixteen grand a year, shit not bolted down always stolen instantly. Like a doughnut on the beach snatched by seagulls. A laptop. An Xbox One with a used copy of The Witcher 3, which replaced a wife or girlfriend. 20 grand cash. 8 grand in credit card debt that had been charged off by the bank for two years now. That he’d been paying down 1% and 1% and 1% to keep Bank of America– actually Banc of America, their credit card division, from suing him. Garnishing wages. After paying 8 grand I owe $13,000 on a $16,000 car. If I pay a grand a month I’m out in about a year. Then hack away at the charge card. Call your creditor, Suze Orman told him. Ask to negotiate up to 50% off by offering one lump sum. They said fuck off. Continue reading