I Can See Myself with Her but She Has Herpes

30 Oct

I can see myself with her but she has herpes, I tell my therapist. She waited to tell me but I knew. The signs were there. She’s over 28 and lived in New York. That alone enough. But also she knows musicians. It’s funny, he says. Most of my clients are men. But the ones with herpes are all women.

He’s gay so he doesn’t know. Listen: all women only fuck the same five guys. If you have full bore raw sex with a herpes woman for a year, you have a four per cent chance of getting it. For a man to get herpes he’s fucking 500 women a year. Guys like that don’t go to therapy.

11 Responses to “I Can See Myself with Her but She Has Herpes”

  1. GoToDallasAndTakeALeft October 30, 2016 at 11:58 am #

    I had a dream the other evening that we had sex, but you dumped me later on. I think I was mostly disappointed that you didn’t write about me on your website post-dumping.

  2. Atlanta Man October 30, 2016 at 3:12 pm #

    Herpes, the gift that keeps on giving.

  3. IMGrody October 30, 2016 at 5:17 pm #

    4%… Might as well be 400% as far as I’m concerned. I’ve got a real humdinger on my bottom lip right now and believe me… You do not want that shit on your PEEHOLE!

  4. Anonymous October 30, 2016 at 11:09 pm #

    Guys who fuck 500 women a year all play basketball in the NBA.

  5. Bonnes Tacos October 31, 2016 at 4:09 pm #

    Tacos, do you take requests? Only you can unravel for us the personal mystery of Anthony Weiner.

  6. Jack October 31, 2016 at 10:32 pm #

    Having herpes doesn’t matter until you stop getting laid. When I was in college, I found out that a Turkish chick I’d been seeing (but not fucking) had herpes. We haven’t been in touch since. 3 years later, I regret not fucking her. I could have worn a condom. Even if I did catch it, herpes doesn’t break out 24×7, and I probably won’t get the chance to fuck as many 19 year olds as I get older.

    STIs are real but so is the hysteria over them. If you wear condoms with super-sluts (they’re all sluts now anyway) and don’t poke your dick into diseased assholes, you probably won’t catch anything. And even if you do, it probably won’t be as serious as you think it is. I’d rather have herpes and more sex than let my clean dick remain dry.

  7. delicioustacos is a Clinton voter November 3, 2016 at 1:32 pm #

    check delicioustacos’s twitter and past posts…he’s a Clinton voter.

    what a faggot.

    what exactly do you hate about Trump’s tax plan?

    if you’re against Trump you can at least drop a symbolic vote for Jill Stein.

    Not like it matters anyway, CA is basically always a blue state.

    You spineless piece of shit. I hope your STD worsens and your dick rots off so you can finally achieve what you’ve wanted: becoming a woman.

    • Anonymous November 4, 2016 at 3:48 pm #

      Lol, take a history class. Read a book. Something.

  8. Anonymous November 4, 2016 at 7:46 am #

    U r a hoe
    Ur tinder dates r hoes
    Ur psychiatrists r hoes
    Ur landlord seems tight. I admire her for evicting ur ass. A mexican forcibly removing a white from his home when usually it’s the opposite

    • Anonymous November 8, 2016 at 2:47 am #

      Omg Kat? Gogo girl?

  9. Anonymous November 4, 2016 at 3:45 pm #

    *because she has herpes

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