Reader Mailbag: Successful Blogging

6 Nov
parrot-with-woman

image stolen from http://www.pets4homes.co.uk

An aspiring blogger writes:

Ok, questions:

Keep in mind, obviously you’re a stranger, and you’re just trying to get your own thing together, and you don’t owe me anything, but your work is an inspiration to me on a personal and professional level and I seek to emulate it in my own way! So feel free to respond or not respond, but hey, questions.

 a) obviously, you have the very real problem of people you know in your real life “finding out” about your blog. How do you balance that? I read some things about you going on dates and being worried the girls wouldn’t like you once they’d read what you’d written about them, and about being concerned about the possibility of being fired by HR once they started tracking the sites you visited at work….I want to start a blog/monetize it, and have been worried about this same problem. So I don’t know how much actual advice you’ll have for me, other than “it is what it is”, but I wanted to know how you balance being authentic as possible in your writing and not burning bridges!!!!

My life is meaningless. I don’t care if it collapses. I hate working. I’d love to lose my job. I have no wife no girlfriend no children. No chance at any of those things.

When I wrote about HR tracking my shit I’d already been fired. Waiting to be replaced. I worked in in film & TV in a job I hated, a world I hated. But it was a marginally “creative” field so justified my being on Earth.

Nothing to live for now except that my death would hurt other people. Don’t take this to mean I want to die. I enjoy living. I took out the trash and yellow-crowned parrots flew over. A big flock here. I see them every morning over my office parking lot. I saw this same species in Peru, in the Amazon, at the clay lick at sunrise where they come to eat mineral salts. The seeds in the jungle are poisonous. The clay soothes their stomachs.

Someone stole a bunch of these birds from the jungle, drugged them, hid them in his pants on a plane. Sold them at some shady shop in Koreatown. People bought them as pets. At least two escaped and fucked. Now there are hundreds of them wild. They reconstructed a life they’d have had in the Amazon. Daily route covering miles. Dates grow here, pomegranates here. They live a long time. There’s hope for us all. When I came back in I had diarrhea.

b) you like wordpress? if you were starting over, would you still use wordpress? what site would you move to if you were going to start having the “ads” you were talking about?

You seem to think my shit is good (thanks) and I’m successful. I’m not successful. I don’t make money for this. No one reads it. I get laid from it once a year. I pay WordPress not to display ads on my site. If I didn’t there’d be a “chum box.” It would say You Won’t Believe How Gorgeous Honey Boo Boo’s Mom is after Losing 130 Pounds.

Honey Boo Boo’s mom did not lose 130 pounds. If she did she’d still look like they grafted pig skin on an orangutan skull. Honey Boo Boo’s mom lets hideous men fuck her children so she doesn’t have to be alone. Honey Boo Boo’s fat is a shield so a sour smelling ape from Arkansas who doesn’t shave his back or wipe his ass properly won’t stick a motor oil finger in her little bald cunt. Honey Boo Boo learned to get fat when she was four because her mother needs a man. Ads on your site will celebrate this person’s weight loss.

All online ads feed on stupid people’s celebrity worship. The money comes from channeling you to phishing schemes. Ads on The New York Times are like this. If you believe something you can’t make money from it. How could you say something true and put a lie next to it. No one will pay you for “content.” Liars in your niche will be flashier and louder than you. Any site with ads deserves no respect. Any writing for money deserves no respect. Get “monetize” out of your head.

c. how long have you been writing for?

Forever but I peaked in high school. My father was a pipefitter but I went to a fancy place. Lot of would be writers but my words had a life theirs didn’t. I won a prize and got a free trip where I got laid. They make millions now writing TV shows. New York Times essays about their kids on the side. I’m a 40 year old male secretary with a blog about beating off.

d) I want to learn about your self-marketing techniques, extensively, but obviously you’ve had to work hard for whatever knowledge you possess, so you just let me know what you feel like sharing, lol. Basically, you are under no obligation to mentor me unless you feel like it, lol, but I’m sure I didn’t need to tell you that.

I got popular in 2012 when I posted a joke review of Fifty Shades of Grey in the comments of Chateau Heartiste. He tweeted my review. He was part of a network of men’s sites that talked about fucking. Now they talk about how the Jew uses miscegenation and gay degeneracy to emasculate America. I disagree with this. But him tweeting my shit is more than I’ve done for anyone.

He had 6,000 followers. His tweet got me 3,000 views. Back then half your followers clicked a link. Now 1%. Too many ants swarming one piece of meat. The internet is dead.

After that people would post it on Reddit as their own off the cuff Fifty Shades thoughts. This happened whenever an ad for the Fifty Shades movie came out. Ten comments down someone would say you stole that from delicious tacos. That got me thousands and thousands of views. No one clicks from twitter. Everyone clicks from Reddit.

The next popular thing I did was copy pasting stuff from my OKCupid outbox into a post. I wanted it to be “100 OKCupid openers” but ran out. It blew up because men everywhere are looking for how to have sex. Most “PUA” material is teach a man to fish. Pay Real Social Dynamics three grand plus airfare to tell you how to harass Croatian strip mall shoppers. I gave the man a fish. My messages seem stupid unless you understand how dumb, boring and lazy absolutely all other men are, and women are far worse.

That post was viewed hundreds of thousands of times. The material was used millions of times. My friends would get the messages. Women would message me having gotten the messages to tell me I was an asshole for making messages men used. Every two days there’d be a Reddit thread. A girl saying look at this appalling message I got. Aka look how hard men try to go out with me. Ten comments down: he stole that from delicious tacos.

I was sleeping with a lot of girls from OKCupid. Writing a lot about OKCupid. Pre-Nazi misogynists regaled me as the king of online dating. Rich men paid me $200 an hour to write profiles. Sleazy PUA companies offered me jobs. One day Tinder existed and it was over.

Now there’s no marketing. I have 2,000 twitter followers. When I tweet a post it results in 79 views. If a post has the word “cunt” in the title about 1500 people will read it. If not, 1100. The same guy will comment “fag” every time.

I don’t know where the views come from. Less now than there were. Maybe because when you google me on a phone it leads you to some AMP page that reproduces my work. Or maybe no one reads my site.

The way to be popular would be to embrace the Big Internet War. Nazis vs. SJWs. But I can’t pretend to give a shit about transsexuals’ shitty video games. Depression Quest is good, yet Zoe Quinn is an irritating self promoting cunt. I’m a man without a country. I used to hate women but don’t anymore. My “allies” in that “niche” all went nuts. I can’t leech off their popularity. I can’t get away from being identified with them. It’s hard to say fat chicks are gross but can we leave the Jews out of it.

My first book sold 700 copies. My second book sold 100 copies*. My next book will sell some negative amount of copies. I’ll be paid in antimatter money that sucks cash out of my hands. I’ll get reverse pussy from it that pushes sperm back into my dick. I’m a total laughingstock. I could not fail any worse. But I still wake up early to type shit and leave blood on the floor. That’s what you should do too.

* Update- I was counting wrong, it’s 300.

37 Responses to “Reader Mailbag: Successful Blogging”

  1. IMGrody November 6, 2016 at 3:10 pm #

    Agreed. They are fucking boring these days. Becoming the exact thing they espouse to be against.

  2. Fuck you, you talented prick November 6, 2016 at 4:59 pm #

    I’ve compared you to Hemingway before, and I’ll do it again now. You won’t like it or appreciate it so a hearty “fuck you” as well.

    • K "with Jews you lose" Hole 1488 November 6, 2016 at 5:41 pm #

      I like DT much better than Hemingway. Honestly, I’ve never fully gotten why people like him so much.

  3. intro November 6, 2016 at 6:55 pm #

    brilliant

  4. J.A.F.O. November 6, 2016 at 8:40 pm #

    You’re on a roll lately, you cunt.

  5. Atlanta Man November 6, 2016 at 9:39 pm #

    I have it on good authority that the Jews stole Delicious Tacos work….and sold it to far women.

    • Atlanta Man November 6, 2016 at 9:41 pm #

      “Fat” not “far”. Shit, that mistake was also the Jews’s fault.

      • K "with Jews you lose" Hole 1488 November 6, 2016 at 9:55 pm #

        Before reading alt-right blogs, I didn’t realize every problem in the world was caused by Hebrews. Opened my eyes, man

  6. Warning November 6, 2016 at 11:10 pm #

    Daily reminder: Delicious Tacos is a quisling faggot who wants to “leave the Jews out of it” even though the ZIonists are 100% responsible for every misery that besets him and his readers. Fuck this site and its author. I’m serious. Was a long-time fan and now: didn’t even bother to read this post in full, just dropping a comment to warn anyone who wants to continue wasting time reading this burnout’s whining “sexblog”.

    • Atlanta Man November 6, 2016 at 11:20 pm #

      A Jew wrote this. They are everywhere and responsible for everything. Even anonymous antisemitic comments in the comment section on a burnout’s whining “sexblog”are the work of Jews. After the nuclear war that destroys all humanity all that will be left are cockroaches and Jews- also niggers, they will be here after the nuclear war, and they (or we, if you will) are responsible for the few bad things that Jews aren’t. Also, niggers are where fat white women go to die (not me though, I am black but I fuck skinny white women-take that Alt Right!).

      • Anonymous November 8, 2016 at 12:58 pm #

        “niggers are where fat white women go to die.”
        lol. Great line.

  7. Mark Boris November 6, 2016 at 11:52 pm #

    A history of DT. Reading this was great. Really brought me back and reminded me what it was like in the old days (4 years ago). The internet really is dead or dying. There’s just too much shit out there. Either you mindlessly and frantically scroll twatbook and consume as much as possible during your 16 hour span, or you judiciously choose to only enjoy the top .01% of content produced. Either way, no one’s really paying attention unless you’re Pewdiepie or Trump.

  8. AChimichangaChalupaBastardChild November 6, 2016 at 11:54 pm #

    Maybe you’ll attain the recognition you deserve once you’re dead. Look at Blind Willie Johnson, he’s got his name on the Voyager Golden Record. Hopefully, one day, extraterrestrial life will happen upon “44 OkCupid Openers”.

  9. Yuge November 7, 2016 at 9:36 am #

    just wanted to say, your second book only sold 100 because it was a lazy repost of all your blog posts that your fans have already read. pull your thumb out of your ass and release something new and watch how it sells.

  10. Mia-mi November 7, 2016 at 9:48 am #

    What is wrong with this man?

    • bathtub pals : a Shock SuspenStory November 8, 2016 at 12:43 am #

      he’s too good & you know it, cupcake.

      • Mia-mi November 8, 2016 at 10:39 am #

        I just feel that he is sad 😦

      • Atlanta Man November 8, 2016 at 4:25 pm #

        We are all sad sometimes. DT is at his best when in bis “blue” periods.

      • bathtub pals 2: masters of whitlow November 8, 2016 at 9:31 pm #

        perhaps he feels left out, as if he were a pariah at times.
        maybe that sounds a tad bit dramatic. why are you even here.

  11. K "with Jews you lose" Hole 1488 November 7, 2016 at 3:52 pm #

    You ever think about setting up a Patreon? It seems like it’s worth a try.

    • Anonymous November 8, 2016 at 1:00 pm #

      Jews made Patreon

  12. Anonymous November 7, 2016 at 3:53 pm #

    fag

  13. Anonymous November 8, 2016 at 2:37 am #

    SLAA

  14. Grab Canada By The ({}) November 9, 2016 at 4:30 am #

    Who’s in

  15. Greg Nikolic November 9, 2016 at 1:34 pm #

    Hi, Delicious Tacos. Sorcerygod/Nikolic here. Hopefully you remember me as the guy who promised to airlift you out of your shitty life into a Northern Paradise. I wanted to hire you as V-P of mass media for my corp.

    Anyway, this week’s entry from you was fantastic. It was written from the heart (perhaps the cockles of the heart, we don’t know, as Denis Leary sings in his Asshole song) but it was very revealing as well.

    I don’t know how to tell you you’re not alone. I understand your travails. I have a new website of my own — my FIFTH in a row — at:

    http://www.gregnikolic.wordpress.com

    I urge you to occasionally check it out. Today’s post was a short story I wrote about President-Elect Trump fucking some blonde Democrat. It is tres tres amusing, as the French say.

    Listen, Delish. Listen closely. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I AM GOING TO HELP YOU.
    Sometime in the next year, I am going to publish a novel. Okay? Follow me? It is going to
    be the next Stephen King-style hit. WITH THIS MONEY I will HIRE YOU to come work
    with me, beside me. We’ll be friends, we’ll go mackin on chicks, all that good shit.
    I don’t need money, I don’t care about it. The money goes to YOU and CAPN CAPITALISM
    and yes, mighty HEARTISTE himself — all you guys are suffering in the same boat, and
    are unable to free yourselves.

    I know this sounds like an impossible pipe dream, but visualize me — Greg Nikolic —
    my legal name, as a *** LOTTERY TICKET *** you picked up off the street. If I’m right
    about my abilities and not lying to you, then you have a REAL CHANCE AT MONEY
    and FRIENDS and TITS AND ASS and all kinds of great stuff.

    Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say. Fifth website for me. I self-imploded all the rest. Just when *I* was getting followers to my site. The internet isn’t dead, but it suffers from
    insufficient advertising. You need to go the James Patterson route. But anyway.
    We’ll talk later.

    I have tremendous love and admiration and respect for you. You’re gold, baby. Greg out.

    • Fuck you, you talented prick November 10, 2016 at 11:45 am #

      DT is talented. You are a deluded nutjob. Go wank yourself to death.

    • Anonymous November 13, 2016 at 5:07 pm #

      “I have a new website of my own — my FIFTH in a row”
      FIVE free wordpress sites? How the FUCK did you do that? Are you some kind of fucking internet GENIUs or something?

    • Sylvia November 16, 2016 at 9:52 am #

      This is the comment thread we leave all our, I wish I had a successful blog, posts on, right? Sweet.

      I had a dream all the lights in the world had gone out because of something maybe there were zombies I forgot. So all the lights, definitely zombies I remember now. Anyway, the lights were all out for weeks.

      I never looked up at night because the fear of zombies was already too much. If I looked up and remembered that we’re all some freak occurrence in vast space, our few billions stuck in this one planet as if it were some tiny island…well that was too much.

      The last night I had to help my dumb friend who was looking out the window at zombies like they were charolers, idk how to spell that. So the zombies started breaking down the wall and I defended and won. Then I go outside and accidentally look at the sky and I do this so quickly that I hardly have time to understand what I’ve seen because there was soooooo much. I want to look again, psych would call this the foot in the door syndrome or theory or something. But then as soon as I look up, all the lights have been turned back on and all I can see is a black night sky.

      El endo.

  16. Greg Nikolic November 11, 2016 at 7:46 am #

    Delicious Tacos, Greg Nikolic/Sorcerygod here again. I just wrote an “alternate universe” story on my website I’d like you to read. It’s an example of a more “commercial” approach I thought you might want to consider.

    You’re a VERY talented writer, Delish, but your issue — if there is one — is that you are filling a “niche” market spot with your words. In other words, you are great at what you do, but what you do is an acquired taste. Too many people don’t have the intellectual “taste buds” to appreciate you.

    Have a look at my alternate universe short story of Sting and John Lennon, living together in New York after the real John Lennon died. That’s the kind of story that has more general appeal.

    There’s no harm in you broadening your range to go wide-scale with what you do. If you’re going to be VP of my/our mass media unit, you’ll have to deal with the blatantly commercial elements, anyway.

    Anyway, read it and tell me what you think.

    https://gregnikolic.wordpress.com/2016/11/11/the-dream-of-the-blue-turtles/

    • Anonymous November 13, 2016 at 5:05 pm #

      Lol. Stopped reading when you tried giving DT advice on how to write.

  17. Greg Nikolic November 11, 2016 at 7:47 am #

    P.S. Haters make me laugh.

    P.P.S. The same hater who hates me would turn around in a second and hate Delicious Tacos under reversed circumstances.

    • Fuck you, you talented prick November 15, 2016 at 12:46 am #

      <P.P.S. The same hater who hates me would turn around in a second and hate Delicious Tacos under reversed circumstances.

      Well, he might if he knew what the fuck you were talking about.

    • Sylvia November 27, 2016 at 3:45 pm #

      I refuse to let Nikolai out-comment me

  18. Anonymous November 13, 2016 at 4:57 pm #

    “It’s hard to say fat chicks are gross but can we leave the Jews out of it.”
    No, the Jews are definitely behind fat women’s behinds. Connect the dots asshole.

    • *no, the 1st is not hebrew, you fuckin dum-dums November 14, 2016 at 10:41 am #

      OK just wondering, should that not read,
      “It’s *easy* to say fat chicks are gross…”

      The English*, it is my 2nd language, so cut me some slack, jack

  19. shiningtime November 23, 2016 at 12:49 pm #

    I just bought and read your book, ‘the pussy’. Bought it on a whim after finding this blog. I’ve never met any guy post MySpace who has had consistent success with online dating. The numbers are just too male skewed. I’m not surprised so many guys are paying money to learn about okcupid. I liked the book. The writing made me laugh at some points.

    • Anonymous November 28, 2016 at 9:31 pm #

      “The writing made me laugh sometimes.”

      Leave that as a review on Amazon. Please and thank you 🙂

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