These Kids Today

10 Dec


I met a girl at a party and took her to my car to make out. Choke me, she said. I was parked on a well lit public street. Even better. Get her topless and clamp her neck between my arms; she is excited that a cop might drive by. Nowadays every girl under 25 is a cenobite. They want to be choked, hit, fake raped. They want to lacerate you with sharp nails, scratch at your nipples, bite your bottom lip and draw blood. They all squirt. Ten years ago nobody squirted. It just didn’t exist. Now everybody squirts. Everybody deep throats. Everybody’s into BDSM. She’s a sub telling you on the first date that she needs a forearm in the throat to cum. Or she’s a “pro domme.” No such thing as an amateur domme. Dommes all get paid.

You end up going along with it. Pussy’s pussy, after all. You tolerate a girl chewing on delicate parts of your face and leaving snaking purple scratches all over your neck. Meanwhile, for you, just fucking is enough. No bells and whistles needed. You have to concentrate. Try to keep your boner as she makes weird histrionic howls and puts your hands on her neck. The shit’s gonna bruise but that’s her problem.

Nothing makes you feel old faster than fucking young people. Men my age came up during AIDS. Getting a girl to fuck you was like building the pyramids. Getting a girl to rawdog was endless cajoling. Then afterward, endless worried conversations. Did you get tested, have you been with a lot of girls, omigod you gave me AIDS, I know it. Reagan didn’t want to give money to the gays, so the gays created a big fear campaign to convince straight people that they would get AIDS. It worked. Our sex lives were casualties. Our youths were wasted. Men who got married or got fat or otherwise got out of the game will have lived never knowing what the new world is like. Easy dirty pussy everywhere.

Young people never knew AIDS as a death sentence. They have internalized the truth that it solely affects junkies, gays and Africans. Other STD’s are curable or just don’t show up. Young girls will rawdog in a heartbeat. They fear nothing. They are not concerned about their reputation. You meet them online, you don’t know anyone they know. I was going to say you’re seeing a persona, but no. Her boss is seeing a persona. Her mom is seeing a persona. You see the real her. A libertine. A pervert. She watches more porn than you. Mimics it. Squirts. Deep throats. Likes to get hit. Women have been liberated to be who they truly are. It turns out they’re fucking filthy.

You grow up as a man thinking you’re the pig. The menace. But an honest conversation about sex with any 22 year old girl will horrify you. For a second you stop wanting to fuck her. You want to cover her in a warm blanket and stroke her hair. I’m sorry for whatever happened to you. I need you to call me honey bunny, she says. It’s what my dad used to call me. I need you to hit me. I need you to punch me in the boobs. I need you to bite my nipples. I need you to push my face in the pillow. I’m gonna fight back but don’t let me up until I stop breathing for real.

It sounds hot but really it’s a pain in the ass. You are working to please her. Your mind leaves your body. You watch yourself from six feet away chomping on her areola, calling her a cunt. Pinning her wrists as she resists with a late-career Nic Cage level of subtlety. You are unicycling across a tightrope while juggling. Trying not to laugh. Keeping your erection is a miracle.

Every OKCupid date is kinky. The most popular book in the world is bondage porn. There is an entire industry dedicated to literature about being raped by dinosaurs. Women are filthy disgusting animals.

Books tell you that ancient cultures feared the power of women’s sexuality. I used to think: get back to me when they’re jerking off in a toilet thinking about a special needs student. But the ancients were right. Men’s fantasies, our halfhearted utilitarian meat flogging– milquetoast. Today’s woman jerks off 20 times a day. She has machines for it. She dreams of being forcibly sodomized by the garbage man. His rough hand forces her face into a rotten pile of dog shit and old coffee filters. She chokes. She cums. She’s ready again. She tells you about it halfway through her second drink. It’s enough to make a man clutch his pearls.

56 Responses to “These Kids Today”

  1. Matt December 10, 2013 at 1:43 pm #

    Wow dude, are we hooking up with the same chick?

    – 20 years old
    – Demands to be choked
    – Squirter
    – Claws the shit out of my back

    I used to think of claw marks like a badge of honor, but last time it was so bad I had to buy some hydrogen peroxide so they don’t get infected. Bitches be out for blood!

    • Sylvia December 11, 2013 at 11:18 pm #

      Did you miss the whole thing where he writes that ALL chicks are like that?

      • Dave December 12, 2013 at 10:30 am #

        Have you heard of the word hyperbole before?

      • Sylvia December 12, 2013 at 12:26 pm #

        Don’t be such a tool. The point still stands, a bunch of chicks. Not just one.

      • Matt December 12, 2013 at 2:26 pm #

        Omg, like, you are so right! Omg! Like wow! I am sooooooo dumb! Like, I so missed that! Omg! O M FUCKING GGGGGGGGGGGGG

    • aaronthejust December 12, 2013 at 3:50 pm #

      This is a bit disturbing. Am I hooking up with her sister?
      – 22 years old
      – Demands to be choked
      – Claws the shit out of my back
      – Wants to be pretend-raped

      • Diego Spamtrap February 27, 2016 at 6:42 pm #

        This is a bit disturbing. Am I hooking up with yo momma ?
        – 22 years old
        – Demands to be choked
        – Claws the shit out of my back
        – Wants to be pretend-raped

  2. Soinclined December 10, 2013 at 2:08 pm #

    Personally, I go back and forth between being disgusted with myself for what I’ve agreed to do in order to fuck one of them, and being disgusted with myself because it’s been too long since I fucked one of them. You’re not the only one who starts feeling unfuckable if you don’t prove otherwise on a regular basis.

    Oh, and thanks for the email. I did answer your questions.

  3. Bruce Banner December 10, 2013 at 4:44 pm #

    Nah, you’re just banging your self-selected groupies, per Matt Forney. Twisted souls filling a sad internet kinky niche. DT fetishists. Lucky you !

    • Anonymous December 12, 2013 at 11:20 am #

      This is totally true!

  4. A♠ December 10, 2013 at 4:57 pm #

    The third paragraph is so True that even your exceedingly elequent words will fail to convey the horrors of it.

    Only those that lived it, as we have, will understand.

    • deti December 19, 2013 at 1:32 pm #

      Very true. The greatest fears most men and women had in the late 1980s were getting AIDS and getting pregnant.

      • Novaseeker December 24, 2013 at 11:59 am #

        It’s very true. I think people who are coming up today don’t understand that there was an “intermezzo” in there during the 80s — between the mirror ball, easy sex 70s and the mid-90s-present hookup culture. That intermezzo in the 80s was a very sexually dry era for many people. Sandwiched between two eras of sexual hedonism, each of which was/is different from the other.

  5. Spankalicious December 11, 2013 at 2:49 am #

    I. Don’t quite know what to say.

    I’ve written and deleted a few now and I’m not sure what or how to articulate thoughts. So I think I won’t for now.

    • reader December 11, 2013 at 6:58 am #

      You feel addressed?

  6. William Rex December 11, 2013 at 10:14 am #

    Or there’s the clueless girls who think you want to be dominated, and always want to be on top, and have been too brainwashed with gogurlism to know how to be submissive and let you run the show a little bit.

  7. The Feminist Whisperer December 11, 2013 at 10:40 am #

    Oh good lord – did I write this and somehow not realize it?

    Couldn’t agree more.

    Being a man of a certain age – and now suddenly I’m a prude

  8. Bruce Banner December 11, 2013 at 11:29 am #

    BTW, what film is that ghoulish picture from?

    • Anonymous December 12, 2013 at 1:35 am #

      Cenobites are from the Hellraiser movies

  9. Marshallaw December 11, 2013 at 12:21 pm #

    Dog shit and old coffee filters…. you really know how to create an image…. ha ha… you should write your own book on experiences with these dirty shanks. The Hellraiser image really works for the article…. my last naughty lady was Russian…. met online…. filthy…. rimming, anal, dp, gangbangs, you name it…. even some shit I never even imagined…. after she wanted to inject me I bolted…..nuff said….

  10. jack4510 December 11, 2013 at 2:47 pm #

    Where are such girls? Girls who behave like that fuck for money or for drugs. Either way the man pays.

    • aaronthejust December 12, 2013 at 3:56 pm #

      Currently I’m busy convincing a few of them no, I won’t move in with them, even if I get free rent and food.

  11. M3 December 14, 2013 at 1:11 pm #

    “You have to concentrate. Try to keep your boner as she makes weird histrionic howls and puts your hands on her neck. ”


    I’ve written about my own incomprehension over this feral sexual behavior.

  12. Badger December 15, 2013 at 2:48 pm #

    Fourth’d – I also thought we were banging the same chick. So funny how the early-entry PUAs see all the same female scripts on their drink-dates, and now in the Millenial swamp we are seeing the same sexual behavior scripted out. People are a lot more predictable than we all want to admit to ourselves.

  13. Greg December 15, 2013 at 4:46 pm #

    Here’s a handy tip; If a girl tells you she’s recently learned to squirt, know you’re about to get peed on.

  14. Anonymous December 16, 2013 at 11:55 pm #

    A large number of middle-aged women are into choking too. Anal hasn’t changed though – twelve years ago I was banging chicks who wanted raw anal from the get-go. At the time I thought it was weird, now I think it’s weird if they’re not into that and a shitload more on the first time.

    I guess that time cures all illusions. Or has made me more corrupt.

    • Largepaycheckaddict December 12, 2019 at 8:06 am #

      I think it’s the latter.

  15. jose January 10, 2014 at 1:10 pm #

    WHOA!! These young bitches rolling like that? Now i understand why ancient society had total control of women. Scary!

  16. LucasBly January 10, 2014 at 3:01 pm #

    This is the greatest article I’ve ever read. THANK YOU, for explaining to me exactly why the last girl I encountered turned me on and scared the shit out of me all at the same time.

    – 23 years old
    – proudly displays bruises at work
    – hobbies include drawing blood, sensory deprivation, biting, and “artistic cutting”.

    I think I’m going to tattoo “Women are filthy disgusting animals” on the inside of my son’s forearm so he never forgets.

  17. Simian Browse January 12, 2014 at 12:44 am #

    “Our sex lives were casualties. Our youths were wasted. Men who got married or got fat or otherwise got out of the game will have lived never knowing what the new world is like. Easy dirty pussy everywhere.”

    This perfectly describes my horror of being a teenager under Nancy Reagan’s ‘Just Say No’ campaign.

    Just found this blog. Motherfucking love it!

  18. Emily July 1, 2015 at 10:49 am #


    I don’t know anyone who fits the stereotype depicted here. Perhaps too much ghetto rap and hanging with nigs, or gangbangers or just fascist bike gangs running prostitution rings, or religious folks with their church pedophila or Islamic rape culture, raping 1 in 6 UK girls over the last 20 years. THAT is the real problem.

  19. Tom March 30, 2018 at 8:49 pm #

    You are awesome.

  20. T December 27, 2018 at 9:58 am #

    interesting about the squirting. i never met a young girl who could do it – it’s always older chicks. i assumed they could do it because having kids knocked something out of whack in their vaginas. i didn’t think it was skill that could be acquired.

    • Sol T. Knutts December 28, 2018 at 10:37 am #


    • terdtickler December 22, 2021 at 10:51 pm #

      squirt is pee you idiot

  21. horn December 28, 2018 at 8:59 am #

    The Reagan administration spent more money on AIDs research than the Dem-controlled congress budgeted for each and every year. An HIV test wasn’t even available until his 2nd term. Reagan spent more on AIDs than any other disease or illness other than cancer.

  22. Dino December 28, 2018 at 10:35 am #

    Well got dam!

  23. anon February 12, 2019 at 1:59 am #

    where do you meet these types of girls

  24. Anonymous May 21, 2021 at 9:43 am #

    How do you get this action at age 45? Maybe you should do a seminar. I’d be down.

    • delicioustacos May 21, 2021 at 12:53 pm #

      This post is 8 years old.

      • Algernon May 21, 2021 at 1:35 pm #

        My bad. Still, this post validates what I’m slowly learning. Hearing the 20-something girl downstairs get railed on a regular basis (for hours at a time) by a revolving cast of dudes—during a pandemic—tells me that things have indeed changed.

  25. adam December 22, 2021 at 11:35 pm #

    This article is fkn fire, nice job. You’re dead on in my experience.

  26. HajiMoussad June 9, 2022 at 9:39 pm #

    Kinky kinda stuff I like


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