Underage Ass

15 Dec
image stolen from tvtropes.org

image stolen from tvtropes.org

Went down the block to get a Patra Burger. The Echo Park Christmas parade was going on. Teen cheerleaders shimmying down Sunset. Mexican Christmas carols play out of Mustangs. Short skirts. Yoga pants. Fifteen years old, tops. Like all straight men, I am powerfully sexually attracted to underage girls. Far more than to women of legal age. If you aren’t, say so in the comments. I’ll know everything else you say is also a lie.

It’s natural, but I feel like a miscreant. Three blocks to Patra Burger. Looking, trying not to look like I’m looking. Young girls shaking their asses in tiny skirts and little black underwear. Lifting one another up to give us all a panty shot. I strain to get an image I can remember. High school freshman’s sweaty taint up in the air with another girl’s hot palm jammed in it. Heaven. Clear skin, long shiny hair. Little budding tits. Firm little apple asses. The nineteen year olds taking veiny cock in porn look like crones in comparison. Any woman of legal age is already past her peak.

This is why I can’t be a teacher. This, and I hate young people and have no urge to help society. But mostly because I’d fuck my students. How could you not. Maybe you’d hold back for a year, two, ten. But one day one of them comes on to you. Every cell in your body was crafted over millions of years for the sole purpose of ejaculating inside ovulating young teens. The smell of her armpits after field hockey practice makes you a beast. You’d crack. Then live in terror. She’s gonna talk. She’s gonna write about her crush in her Lisa Frank diary that her parents dig up. She’s gonna tell a friend who tells her therapist who tells the cops. Suddenly you’re in the chester tank. Sex offender for life. A child rapist. Never work again, live in real danger of being flayed alive by medieval peasant mobs. Neighborhood brutes beat you with tire irons. What if it was my daughter, they say, but really– they’re jealous. You took that sweet pussy they can never have.

One of my art teachers tried to fuck me when I was fifteen. A woman. Not bad looking for forty. But I’m almost forty now, I still can’t fuck forty year olds. It was a boarding school. She had an apartment on campus. Her kids went there too and I knew them. I had a cold. She came up to me at night, in a room under the auditorium where they stored theatre props.

You feeling OK, she asked. Under the weather, I told her. Well, she said, if you want to feel better: come to my place and see me. I think you know what I mean. And she gave me the fuck me eyes.

I think you know what I mean. At first I didn’t. She was first person to ever express sexual interest in me. I was an unfuckable dork and thought I would be for life. What did she mean? Seemed to be something forbidden. Smoking pot maybe? I don’t want to smoke pot with a teach– OHHH.

Oh. I am a person that someone wants to fuck. For the first time ever. Holy shit. She is my art teacher. What do I say, I don’t– OK, yeah, I understand, I said. OK. Maybe some time. She turned around. Walked away. Swayed her ass.

Why’d she want to fuck me, I thought. I ‘m ugly. White. Flabby. I have a cold, my nose is all red…. well, now I get it. Work out all you want and get a nice haircut but you’re never going to be as good to fuck as you were at fifteen. Smooth skin, a little downy hair, a dick that gets hard fast and gets hard again and again. Pert little balls, not the H.P. Lovecraft flesh sac hanging off my battered and impotent member now. She wanted to taste my sweet smelling young dick. She wanted my copious sperm load un-mutated by decades of liquor and cigarettes. In adolescence we are made perfect. From there we slowly rot and decline.

There were handsomer boys. But she took a shot at me because I was lonely. Smart. If I hadn’t been such a cringing virginal pussy I’d have gone for it. If I’d been the way I am now. Do it for the story. For the infamy. Did you hear, Delicious Tacos fucked the art teacher. Rumors spread. Murmurs stirring something dark and unholy in the schoolgirls’ loins. Women only know to fuck men who fuck other women. I’d have been a legend.

If I’d been the way I am now. But no. My career as Brolita began and ended in ten seconds. Good. It would have been weird. Scary. I’d be hiring aging hookers now. Telling them to act like an art teacher. Some parts of sex you’re born with. Other parts are clay; they get misshapen when you get molested.

I remember that moment every time I think about underage girls. So: at least ten times per day. I’m glad it happened. If it hadn’t I might have gone for it when I had a shot. Might not have known I could fuck people up. But now I hang back. Look and look away. Head home, jerk the meatpipe. Thoughts of half-hairless Mexican baton girl snatch urge forth a furious load. Haven’t blown one like that since I was her age.

My thanks to the Neighborhood Council.

15 Responses to “Underage Ass”

  1. Emmanuel Goldstein December 15, 2013 at 5:09 pm #

    Just imagine those girls three years from now… They’ll have gone from Lithe Latinas to Linebacker Latinas.

  2. Roy Whipsnade December 15, 2013 at 8:28 pm #

    If you don’t violate every orifice they’ve got, somebody else will. You’re fucking them years later, long after somebody else fucked them up. Why wait in line for the damaged end product? Take your turn.

  3. K-hole December 15, 2013 at 10:31 pm #

    This is the truth and the whole truth, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Look at this tangle of thorns.

    (Sie sind so hübsch!)

  4. FRV December 16, 2013 at 3:26 am #

    >Pert little balls, not the H.P. Lovecraft flesh sac hanging off my battered and impotent member now.

    I love this blog so much.

    • Chris August 19, 2016 at 12:13 am #

      I’m on public transport, on my way home from work. This line elicited an other worldly chortle from me that made those around me uneasy. I could see pleading eyes searching desparately for alternate seating, begging those with space to spare for safer passage.

      Oh and I like teenage girls very much. Armpits, apple asses and coltish legs are where is at.

  5. Anonymous December 16, 2013 at 7:24 am #

    Brutaly honest and our of my heart – nice blog you have here

  6. Xpat Player December 16, 2013 at 7:38 am #

    I’m 19 and I can’t have sex with 15 year olds in my state. Hypocrisy like you don’t know it. In all seriousness though, the United States should reduce the age of consent to 14. Better for everyone.

    • Anonymous December 16, 2013 at 8:16 am #

      This is why, no matter how much the American way of life appeals to me, I know my sexual life will see it’s golden age here in home sweet France, where the legal age is 15 and three months motherfuckers.

    • aaronthejust December 16, 2013 at 8:32 am #

      And then tomorrow’s 15 year olds will look like today’s 19 year olds. (Documented effect: puberty strikes mammalian species early, including humans, when in an environment with poor opportunity, such as poverty or a fouled-up sexual marketplace.)

      A universal age of consent of 18 or 21 (no exceptions if your “partner” is young too) would fix this, but the sex-pozzies would cry foul, and, more importantly, the homosexual advocates of lowering the age of consent (check it – they’re pushing for 16 universally in all states) would actually get to work passing sneaky legislation.

      I plan to spend my 70s hiding in a basement, trying to ignore the screams of children either being raped outside, or selling their bodies for scraps of food.

  7. fartcatcher December 16, 2013 at 3:16 pm #

    this was so disgusting i couldn’t stop laughing and nodding

  8. Atlanta Man December 16, 2013 at 6:23 pm #

    This is so funny, my god laughing this hard hurts.

  9. Anonymous January 24, 2014 at 3:43 pm #

    Nah. Disbelieve me if you want, but I’m not with you there. I did laugh at “Brolita”, though.

  10. Mofo March 31, 2014 at 7:36 am #

    I explain it thusly:

    When I was 10, I loved pizza. When I was 21, I loved pizza. Now that I am 44, I still love pizza.

    When I was 10, I loved 14 year old ass…

  11. Charolette August 30, 2014 at 2:10 am #

    As you help make your payments promptly the most lenders will improve your amount borrowed or give you a whole new
    loan along the road. He’s bouncing around on floor, did a
    casual triple full, and is the only guy so far to
    do something real on vault — a couple handspring double fronts, to be exact.
    I personally believe this is immoral behavior that only hurt the most
    vulnerable of American citizens and line the pockets of
    the the credit card issuers.


  1. Addicted to Jailbait - December 16, 2013

    […] It’s natural, but I feel like a miscreant. Three blocks to Patra Burger. Looking, trying not to lo… […]

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