Week in Review

15 Oct

Image stolen from the National Geographic Society

There’s blood coming out of my dick. Nikol has a mammogram this morning. Her cancer might be back. Angela left France to move to Italy with her coke dealer. Stop calling him my coke dealer, she says. That’s not what it is. Well what then. She starts to tell me: true love. He brings her pastries and she jumps on him and wraps her legs around his back. I stop wanting to know. She moved to Italy with her coke dealer. They’ve lived together in two countries. He cums in her every time they fuck. She doesn’t stop him. There’s blood coming out of my dick. Why not his.


The girl yesterday. Big with floppy tits but 21 with a nice face. Plum color dress on, a granny wig of long straight gray anime hair. She was black. Built like Patrice O’Neal but I tried to fuck her anyway. She said no but she’d suck my dick instead. Started on the couch but I took her to my room so I could look in her eyes while I came.

Didn’t work out that way. I came with my hands wrapped in the wig pushing her skull down as far as it would go. Black but she has three year old twins by a skinhead. He was 36, thought it would be his last chance. She lost her virginity at 14 to a 40 year old man she met leaving voicemails on 1-877-BIG-TITS. A phone sex community. The mysterious avenues to pussy.



They raised my rent to twenty grand a year. And I don’t give a shit. But the Ofieri mage in The Witcher 3: Hearts of Stone kept killing me. I threw my Xbox controller into the wall, then took an axe to it. Millions of pieces. It’s beautiful inside one of those things. The X and Y buttons like gems. Tiny bespoke bolts. I regretted it after. Like it was something an artisan crafted.

They raised my rent. She raised my rent. My old landlady with dementia. Someone finally told her Echo Park rents are up 30% this year. Enough white people now. The Fallas Paredes became a restaurant that serves vulture meat. The liquor store with the Modelo standee of a big tits Sabado Gigante broad in soccer clothes, it’ll be a cheese store soon. Who cares. I have money. No will to put all my whole life’s garbage in boxes again. I was with a girl when I found out. That’s why I’m not mad. She was into astrology. She asked if I was friends with the moon.

I’m a crack smoking compulsive masturbator. Nine hours a day I have to drive a robot that dresses and talks like Mitt Romney. PPO insurance and a 401(k) but I still asked for pics from the black chick who sucked my dick off Tinder. Her at 17, pregnant by a skinhead. Twins. I need pics of your underage swollen belly to beat off to, was the third thing I said to her. I can only cum now to pregnant teens. My body knows I’ve failed to reproduce. No pheromonal whiff of my genes out there. My balls become desperate. Climb the walls like they’re being gassed. She came through.

I have to move, or I don’t. Doesn’t matter. But I resent that this old woman will steal the money I’d have used for kids. Or to get out of LA. You work for the system, the system takes it all back. Work to pay for things you need to work. I’m here because I’m chickenshit. Either be a professional liar and get a house or sleep on a bench like Jack Gilbert– pick one. But I can’t not floss daily. If I was at Normandie I’d find strength only to push the other guy in front of me.

No middle path. Fuck you money or no money. You inherit nothing. Instead you’re given the tools to succeed. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish– blow it out your ass. Give me the fucking fish. Life is sum zero. To make money you take money. You get a girl, some other guy jacks off. The world a dry tit. We’re all scavengers scratching for the last drop.


The Chinese girl was an answered prayer. First date she came over to tickle my back and watch Planet Earth. A snow leopard regards cliffside goats from a cave. Her den was well chosen, intones Attenborough. The girl rubbed her ass on me. She’s five foot two and when I put it in my helmet went halfway up her neck. The leopard got a goat. Knocked it off a cliff. She’s triumphed at last but has a grueling journey ahead. She now must carry the weight up the forbidding mountain. Well then it wasn’t a well chosen den, was it, stupid.

16 Responses to “Week in Review”

  1. theprivateman October 15, 2016 at 5:42 pm #

    Your life is interesting. Call me sometime.

  2. K-hole October 15, 2016 at 5:53 pm #

    I hope your dick isn’t broken, man. That’s one symptom I’ve never had. I’ll pray for you. And Nikol.

  3. Atlanta Man October 15, 2016 at 6:36 pm #

    When you say blood is coming out of your dick do you mean bloody urine or actual frank blood? Regardless, get that looked at ASAP, especially if you are a long term cigarette smoker. Tell Nikol I hope she is well, and don’t let the Angela shit get you down.

  4. J.A.F.O. October 15, 2016 at 9:52 pm #

    Well at least our Leopard hasn’t changed his spots…
    Good piece, man.
    And best wishes for those that you care about.

  5. No Name For This October 16, 2016 at 11:21 am #

    I hope Nikol is OK. Are you still rubbing petroleum products into your eyeballs every night?

  6. l8apex October 16, 2016 at 11:44 am #

    Renting when you don’t have a high paying job is just stupid. It’s not about leaving an inheritance, it’s about paying off the house so that at some point you can retire. Sorry to be so boring and blunt.

  7. Eduardo the Magnificent October 16, 2016 at 12:59 pm #

    Congrats n your first controller smash. Next time don’t hit it with an ax like a dumbass. Learn to fix them and you can smash them 3 for 4 times before replacement, at least.

  8. Anonymous October 16, 2016 at 9:43 pm #


  9. Bonnes Tacos October 20, 2016 at 1:31 pm #

    “I need pics of your underage swollen belly to beat off to, was the third thing I said to her.”

    White folks, she thought to herself. That damn wig sure didn’t work. Now where the hell did I put those again. Mama! Where are the baby pics? You don’t need no damn baby pics, girl. You’re going on a date. Listen mama, it’s this white boy. And she told her. Oh holy Jesus preserve me.

  10. BitterTacos October 20, 2016 at 2:05 pm #

    How long before we can change the name of this blog to BitterTacos?

  11. Bigly October 23, 2016 at 9:36 am #

    “Nine hours a day I have to drive a robot that dresses and talks like Mitt Romney.”

    This is the most exhausting part of white collar jobs. Having to pretend that my boss’ joke was so funny and that I LIVE to discuss insurance claims… when in reality I dream of barebaking Southeast Asian teens all day.

    • barebaking ??? October 23, 2016 at 3:08 pm #

      are you some kinda cannibal, brah?

  12. muhammed the profit of jizzlam October 24, 2016 at 7:11 pm #

    Who was it that implanted the thought-seed into Angela so that she would want to live in France?

    it me. I left that comment about the chateau in the south of France a few months back.

    Ah, the power of werds.

    Don’t worry she sounds like she still wants you later on, when her pussy is stretched beyond recognicion (is that how the mexican’t spell it recognition).

  13. Cunt October 28, 2016 at 6:43 pm #

    Smash my balls with an ax fucking pussy

  14. Sylvia November 17, 2016 at 5:04 pm #

    Status update.


  1. Word From the Dark Side,10/20/16 | SovietMen - October 20, 2016

    […] Tacos has blood coming out of his dick.  In some cultures that’s a sign of good luck.  Because it shows you have a […]

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