Hot Naked Tits

28 Jun

HOT NAKED TITS COVER 4-page-0

I put my best shit into a book. It’s called Hot Naked Tits. 3 bucks even on Amazon because $2.99 is a dirty lie. Kindle & Kindle apps only for now. If it does OK I’ll have some printed.

What can I say. Go fuckin buy it.

Agitated about this. Trying not to put significance on it. But it is significant. No getting around it. Then again– I can do this now because I’ve come around to not giving a shit. I don’t need the money. More people have already read my shit than are gonna buy the book. A fucking lot of people. I have succeeded. This is gravy.

But: will it hurt me to have this thing out there and nobody buys it. Would that hurt more than it would help to have a billion people buy it. Quotes in laurels on the backs of future editions from my personal heroes. Get invited to the White House, be awarded a tandem BJ from (REDACTED) and (REDACTED) on C-SPAN. World leaders read my book and tearfully admit: all this war was a bad idea. Let’s love and trust each other, they’ll say. We’re sending the best nubile teens in all our lands to breed with you, Delicious Tacos, for you are the messiah.

It’s like 50 pages long. Half a book really. It took three years to write enough shit that the good 1% of it fills half a book. I’m not prolific. I’ve had jobs most of that time but some of it I didn’t and still– most days you just jerk off and look at reddit.

Relax. You’re looking at it the wrong way. Like a culmination instead of a beginning. A product instead of practice. Really: you learned how to make a book. Now you can make a book every year. Every month if you want. Cumulatively they add up to something. I mean the web site got 14 hits a day when you started and look at it now. 17 at least.

All right, I’m sick of thinking about this shit.

Saturday’s Tinder date. How dare you not fuck me, Natasha. She had a fat belly but I like playing with girls’ fat bellies. Think about getting them pregnant. She was Chinese and her birth name was Li Li and she had huge, huge tits and the first part of our date was to go buy her a bikini at Target for the Roosevelt pool. She opened the dressing room door to show me the first one and I pushed her back in. Kissed her and stuck my finger in her cunt crack so her pussy musk would get on Target’s bikini bottoms. After that I thought I was in. We blew off the Roosevelt. Went to the beach. Lay around making out in the sea breeze. Spooned with the cool smooth skin of her back on my stomach; I was in, I was in, but when we got back to her place and I turned around to park she asked: what are you doing. If there had been a better parking space. If there had not been that one second of delay for her to come to her senses. God damn you Koreatown.

I needed that pussy, Natasha. I needed that pussy so I could stop worrying about the stupid fucking book. I already hate it. It is stupid; therefore I am stupid. But if some stupid chick pulls her smelly Target bikini bottoms to the side and lets me slip in my stupid dick I’m somehow amazing. Go figure. Your big Chinese titties will haunt my dreams, Natasha. Your Hot Naked Tits, available now on Amazon.

seagull  dorito shrunk

Photo credit: Natasha

Should have gone to the Roosevelt. But Nikol got sick and flaked. Porfirio got chided for thinking about going instead of shopping for wedding rings. I’m a middle aged man. There is no way I could pull a woman for same day sex from a “Surfer x Blood” pool party alone, stone cold sober.

Or could I, I kept thinking. The downtown Standard pool is half my jizz unless they’ve drained it. That one polyamorous Tinder broad with the dreads might be there. Other Los Angeles party whores I’ve half gotten to know over a decade of champagne drinking, coke snorting. But: stand in line alone. Sit there alone not drinking not smoking not heading to the handicap stall every fifteen minutes to do a key bump, shaky hands dropping half of it in toilet water. Sit self consciously nakedly alone while the busboys look on with pity and men with waxed mustaches, men with tattoos, men with defined looks that cement their status as part of a cool tribe effortlessly impregnate nubile young party pussy in front of me as buzzards rip my withered sac. Plus the parking sucks.

At night I went to AA. Another girl there with big tits and a sowbelly. Hard to tell what nationality but what matters is she isn’t white. I shared about debasing myself for Li Li. Afterward I found Tits on the sidewalk. Tried to hit on her. She wouldn’t shut up about the other guys she’s into from “the rooms.” Everyone gets AA pussy but me. One particular guy is always with the hottest girl at the meeting. Always. He looks like John F. Kennedy. I look like someone punched James Cromwell. He probably wrote a book. It probably sold a billion copies. It’s probably not as good as mine. Let’s face it: I may not be great but I’m the best thing out there.

19 Responses to “Hot Naked Tits”

  1. whatarandomfuckingguy June 28, 2015 at 11:26 am #

    Perfection.

  2. Arb June 28, 2015 at 2:16 pm #

    No Kindle; would buy paper version…

  3. SeinfeldOKC June 28, 2015 at 7:27 pm #

    So glad you made a book, I am buying it.

  4. Anonymous June 28, 2015 at 7:31 pm #

    About fucking time. Bought.

    • Anonymous June 28, 2015 at 7:58 pm #

      Just had a look. Most of them I’ve read on here; there a few that I’ve not seen previously or had forgotten.

      I know how fucking hard short stories are to get right in your head, and that shit reads like actual, proper, American short fiction. You cunt.

  5. Rob June 28, 2015 at 8:48 pm #

    A ripped guy banging fat girls? And this is why I can’t get a thin one – extreme male thirst. *throws arms up in a rage* Men are unbelievable. 😡

    I’ve tried doing fatties, but I just can’t get excited for them. Unless we’re talking slightly chubby. Even then, she has to be under 23 to pull it off. Otherwise it’s just gross.

  6. Brisey June 28, 2015 at 9:05 pm #

    Will this be available on the co.uk store?

  7. CK June 29, 2015 at 8:37 am #

    Arb, just fucking buy it. Download the Kindle web app or something.

    – the more you know

  8. LG June 29, 2015 at 5:23 pm #

    Your book’s adult filtered. You can check that by looking it up here: http://www.salesrankexpress.com/.

    Adult filtered means it won’t show in Amazon searches (try searching for it) and that means you’d be better off selling it straight through this blog–at least then Bezos wouldn’t skim a dollar off every sale.

    It was probably the title that got you. And although it almost seems wrong that a DT book be titled anything other than HOT NAKED TITS… you gotta change it. Call it “Clean Country Living,” or something. Put “the book they tried to ban!” in the description. It’s basically invisible as is, and this deserves to be read.

  9. Lou June 29, 2015 at 7:38 pm #

    bought

  10. Robby July 1, 2015 at 6:08 am #

    I bought some copies. Good luck, brah BRAH BRAHHAHAHAHAHHA

  11. NB August 16, 2015 at 9:48 am #

    Publish a print edition and I’m there.

  12. kmillidotcom January 8, 2016 at 1:56 pm #

    You may already know about this but you can use createspace.com to create print-on-demand copies. All you have to do is upload your kindle content and set the price. It is an Amazon company so in 24 hours it auto-links the titles to your amazon page to display both kindle and print editions on Amazon.

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