I need a girl who’s a total loser but not bad looking. Who some other guy hasn’t got to first. I need a girl who has no job no car no place to live but not because they smoke crack or some shit. I need a girl who’s smart but no education. Could some day be a good mother but not a girl from a good family, ever– no one who talks to her dad. None of this good college Fortune 500 shit, I need a girl who earns minimum wage at the water store but doesn’t feel compelled to describe herself as CEO of me incorporated or some girly Etsy shit. Ambition makes me puke. I need a girl with no pets no friends who’ll move in with me and shut the fuck up while I play the The Witcher 3. Not even The Witcher 3— I play The Witcher 3 so my Witcher 3 character can play Gwent, the game-within-a-game in The Witcher 3. A girl who won’t talk while I’m playing Gwent all night. Just watch.
I need a girl with no job no car no home. Can’t cook can’t clean– I need a girl who can’t read, can’t tie her shoes, can’t lift a fork to her mouth because this is the level of loser it has to be to get the other thing I need: a hot woman who’s single. Not dating a musician if she’s under thirty or a silver fox rich guy if she’s my age. My OKCupid profile is rated so low my home screen suggestions are all fat transsexuals. Five circle pics of stubbly Fred Flintsone hog jowls with lipstick and names like gloryhole_vixen. They lie about their age.
Getting addicted to The Witcher 3. My eyes are yellow today. Or just bloodshot, I can’t tell. Yellow eyes means yellow fever. I went to the Amazon, didn’t get vaccinated. Liver failing. Really it’s from smearing Curel Intensive Care on my eyelids, blinking it into my eyes. Too vain not to moisturize but too cheap to buy eye cream. Slight headache. Little trickle of snot pus oozing ever so slightly out my left nostril and my left nostril only. It’s cerebrospinal fluid. Precursor to a brain hemorrhage. I have Zika. I have cancer; it’s that new freckle on my cheek or the red bumps from the sun on my nose which I’ll have to get cut off. Leave a skull hole in my face; I’ll have to use a cunningly crafted prosthetic. Fine. Give me one like Casper van Dien. Cancer everywhere; I’m going to die and I wasted my life working instead of buying tech stocks early and pumping pulsating cumshots into underage Southeast Asian teens all day every day.
I need a hot idiot who’s on SSI but forgot to mail in the forms. It’s live with me or suck dick under a bridge. Even that’s a tough choice. Coming to realize I’m violently undesirable. Anyway let’s fuck.