Sanctuary

29 Aug
Northern shovelers. image stolen from tgreybrids.com

Northern shovelers. image stolen from tgreybrids.com

Here is the problem. I truly am addicted to this shit. To sex, to the possibility of sex, to validation from women. Alcohol made me feel good while I was drinking it. But women kept me feeling human for weeks. Months. If I’ve not fucked recently, I’m not a person. I’m not worth being alive.

Once I could get a new one every three months and be OK. Then a week. Now the day after I fuck a woman I might like– if she gets a weird on text the next day I think I’m an ugly freak and no one could ever love me. Fantasize about my lonely childless death. Or while my dick was in one girl, I’d feel desperate about other girls.

I don’t care about anything else. A career. What’s the point if it doesn’t get you pussy. If I have a crush I think about that girl all day. Not nice things. I obsess that she doesn’t love me. Think about her fucking other dudes.

Pussy cured every problem. If I was diagnosed with AIDS, at least I got laid. Everything else is great, but I’m not getting laid– miserable. Ungrateful for my life. For the birds and the sunset.

You make a list of behaviors:

  1. I have a checklist of qualities that I check girls against. Age, ethnicity, face, modicum of brainpower. If they meet it, I want them. If they don’t, they’re invisible.
  2. When I like a girl, or if she checks off items on my list, I become obsessive. Freaking out over when/ if she texts., etc.
  3. If a girl does not meet the checklist, I’ll still go out with her to fuck her, even though I say I want a relationship
  4. I stare at underage girls in public
  5. I jerk off to underage facebook bikini shots
  6. I have no faith that I will meet someone I like who likes me. I obsess over how it will never happen.
  7. I think if I ever met someone I’d drive her away by being a loser
  8. I only feel comfortable with girls I consider inferior
  9. Then if I connect with a girl I start seeing her as superior
  10. I get sad when I see couples holding hands on the street. I hate hearing people talk about their boyfriends/ girlfriends because I think I’ll never have one.
  11. I spam OKCupid and Tinder hoping for validation and base my self worth on the responses
  12. I flake or ghost on girls who like me if they don’t meet the checklist
  13. I think about women and sex constantly instead of anything else including sobriety, writing, friends, family and work
  14. Therefore I blow off friends and family for dates. If I spend time with friends/ family I resent them for taking away date time.
  15. I resent women for how easy they have it, and the power they have over me. So I’m mean to them (even old ladies).
  16. I’m pushy sexually
  17. I’m selfish sexually
  18. I think if a woman won’t fuck me she is useless, and her existence is an insult

You get back a list of shit you have to stop. It’s meant to bring you to withdrawal. There is no outrunning a kick.

  1. No flirting
  2. No dating
  3. No online dating sites
  4. No sex, no sexual contact, no kissing, no touching
  5. No real conversations with women
  6. No initiating conversations with women
  7. No liking of women’s stuff on Facebook or Instagram. No adding women on social media.
  8. No porn or sexy pictures
  9. No jerking off
  10. No texting women, no calling women
  11. No being alone with a woman
  12. No fantasizing about women
  13. No writing about sex unless necessary to the story
  14. No long eye contact with women
  15. No leering at women, no checking them out

How long? Until you don’t care how long anymore.

The hard part isn’t the jerking off and looking and talking. No girls talk to me anyway. The hard part is: today I was supposed to go to the bird sanctuary. With a girl who told me: stop being such a dirtbag. This isn’t you. Why don’t you show me who you really are.

I was just gonna hold her hand. Fifteen different ponds. Five kinds of hummingbirds and that’s not even the main draw. It’s primarily a waterfowl sanctuary. Snowy egrets. Spoonbills. Northern shovelers. Double crested cormorants. American coots. Although God knows if the ducks and rails are there this time of year. You’d think if that were who I really am, I’d know. But there’s an osprey nest. Song sparrows. Blackbirds with wedge tails. Maybe a black throated magpie jay who jumped a cage out of Mexico. Have you seen one of those things? Holy god damn mother of ass eating fuck: what a magnificent corvid.

Do I want her because she said show me who you are. Or because she’s Chinese with big tits. Why is every girl who likes me the last one who ever will. Better lock her down. You think you can do that being nice. But I’m sorry: woman haters are right. The way to keep a woman is to treat her like the dirt she thinks she is. The way to keep a woman is: fuck other women. Because she can fuck other dudes. You wanna play that game with me, I can have a hard 8 here on a plane tonight. People write erotic fucking fan fiction about me. I keep an axe by my door because women go crazy over me and make lesser men go crazy over them to get at me. All pussy in the world is owned by a vanishingly small group of men. Somehow my ugly weak broken ass is one of them. So: stay with me. Stay with me, please. I have money now. You can quit your job. I’ll clean the toilet, I promise.

We are feeding a mallard by Echo Park Lake. I heard they mate for life, she tells me. Some of them do. Others form rape gangs and fuck whatever they find till it’s dead. Which one shows who they really are.

(Check out my book Hot Naked Tits.)

31 Responses to “Sanctuary”

  1. Meh August 29, 2015 at 10:39 am #

    I hate this. Stop thinking you need a program. You don’t need fucking rules to move on. Try simple therapy.
    Also, no watching porn? That’s idiotic

    • delicioustacos August 29, 2015 at 11:42 am #

      Well if it doesn’t help me I can always bang more hoes.

      • Father O'Hara September 19, 2015 at 9:30 pm #

        Wasn’t that your last gf,that asian bitch,Bang Mo Ho?

  2. seriouslypleasedropit August 29, 2015 at 11:55 am #

    Man, you need actual religion, not religion-to-stop-alcoholism. Like, there are people who do this ascetic stuff their whole lives and have gotten pretty good at it, you know? Ascetics w/o aesthetics is a recipe for crazymaking. You’re getting all the no-fun parts and none of the good stuff. Maybe next you can give all your money away and shred all the thank-you cards.

    • Concerned Reader October 11, 2015 at 5:23 pm #

      Seriously, I read this list and thought “this guy should try spending time in a monastery.”

  3. Atlanta Man August 29, 2015 at 12:11 pm #

    I masturbate furiously and cannot imagine life without it, also porn fucking rocks I love that shit. There is no such thing as sex addiction if you are a guy, only a chick who has risky anonymous sex with strangers to compensate for getting molested as a child by her mother’s biker ex boyfriend can have sex addiction. True story:to find out if cocaine is addictive they see if male monkeys will refuse sex to do cocaine, with female monkeys they see if they will refuse food to do cocaine. The moral of the story is men need sex like woman need food so men having sex addiction is bullshit. Go get laid by someone you just met and write about it on this blog, it is your duty as an American.

    P.S.-Hot teen pussy is God, hot teen anus Jesus, and hot teen titties and nipples with erect areolas is Allah. God (Pussy) is great!

    • delicioustacos August 29, 2015 at 12:37 pm #

      You’re probably right but I’m gonna try this shit for a couple more days. Remember, these programs are “one day at a time.” The struggle is not: how do I not beat off forever, it’s: how do I not beat off today.

      And now, a trip to a nearby park filled with succulent Mexican teens.

      • K-hole in the Sweltering Valley August 29, 2015 at 3:11 pm #

        I read on roissy that porn is a tool the Jews are using to make the goyim addicted so he doesn’t reproduce and the white race eventually dies out.

      • delicioustacos August 29, 2015 at 4:14 pm #

        In five years, I too will hand over my blog to a small group of Nazis.

      • Atlanta Man August 29, 2015 at 5:11 pm #

        “In five years, I too will hand over my blog to a small group of Nazis.”

        What the fuck happened to Roissy, did he run out of good game shit to say? This is a serious question, why did he go from the best game sight to Stormfront light?

        Imagine if Delicious Tacos just switched it up tomorrow and his next post was “Why Hitler was ahead of his Time-Jews are Best Barbequed” followed by “I am not Gay but If I was I Would Blow Donald Trump” ending with his Magnum Opus” Niggers you are breathing,Why?”

        Roissy is just bullshit race bait at this point, and the funny shit is Virgle Kent was his friend, look at his early posts Virgle is in the comments supporting and encouraging Roissy. Around 2011-2012 Roissy just went 14 words/88 and burned a cross on his blog. Did a Black dude fuck his girlfriend? Did a Jew foreclose his trailer? Did his hispanic gardener poison his roses?

        Fuck Heartiste, he has turned straight race bait bitch and the Manosphere is worse off because of it. If he is just trolling, he is doing a lot of harm for his lulz.

        P.S. Now that I am done ranting, I still love hot anal teens…..

      • K-hole in the Sweltering Valley August 30, 2015 at 12:22 am #

        I agree with you, Atlanta man. Old roissy was really funny and optimistic before it became the dailystormer with the odd “game is validated by science” post.

      • spiralina September 14, 2015 at 1:52 pm #

        Yes, and the comments blow even worse than the content now! The old Roissy comment section used to regularly get 1000+ comments from a smart, hilarious group of people with a ton of insightful game commentary. Now it’s rare a post gets over 200 comments and they’re all from the same 5 tinfoil hat lunatics arguing obsessively over whether the Coming Global Race War is starting this week or next week. Oh, and the occasional black/Jewish/feminist trolls who all appear to be sockpuppets of the aforementioned race war lunatics. It’s been a sad, steep decline.

  4. Guy August 29, 2015 at 3:03 pm #

    Yea, at least try it. It’s easy to throw your hands up and reduce our existence to sex. After all, that’s pretty much the only goal for life, to reproduce. As men we produce like 2 billion times as much sperm for every egg a woman produces, so it’s no wonder men will be in a frenzy over sex. Sex is great, and it’s completely natural, it’s what we were BUILT to do for fucks sake. Society has become atomized and people are increasingly being reduced to pure sexual commodities. Bearing that all in mind, It’s easy to look at the notion of sex addiction as bullshit, but there DOES come a point where it can be a legitimate concern.

    From what you’ve been writing lately, it doesn’t sound like your obsession with sex is healthy, or making your life any better. I’m not saying I’m a saint and that you’re some kind of animal. But the way your whole identity and sense of self worth is tied to sex doesn’t seem healthy. Maybe you’re just way more honest than 99% of people, we all think like that, and your writing just makes it seem worse than it actually is. I don’t know. I’m just a casual reader and I’ve never met you, but I think your honesty is one of your greatest strengths. You decided to go to AA and your life seems to be better now than before, at least that’s how it comes off in your writing. It takes balls to admit something isn’t right and try to fix it. If something doesn’t feel right, then maybe something is not right. The fact that you decided to do something about it is probably a good indication that it’s not just paranoia. The mainstream advice would be to go see a psychiatrist, but most likely they wouldn’t give you any solid advice while charging $100/hour. I think you’re on the right track. You’ve got a group of people who’ve been in your situation and will listen to you. Just try it for a few weeks. Even if it’s a total waste of time, I doubt you’ll look back on your death bed and decide that not jerking off for a week was the greatest mistake you ever made. Good luck man.

    P.S. Thank you for sharing your writing. I know it sounds gay, but it’s one of the few things that seriously gets a rise out of me anymore. I rarely can get through one of your posts without laughing out loud a few times. Most people are terrified of saying or writing anything that might make an HR director snicker, but the stuff you put out is like mainlining raw truth, in the eyeball. You do more good than you realize.

  5. CK August 29, 2015 at 5:37 pm #

    Has DT scaled the whole mountain of Loser Game? Watch Reality Bites’ Ethan Hawke, become the king of Loser Game.

    (I thought DT was already the king of Loser Game).

    See my link for one of RoK’s decent writers, on Loser Game.

    There’s also Cholo Game – start a family, keep screwing hoes.

  6. Loop August 29, 2015 at 6:38 pm #

    Bought yr book.

    Btw wasted my whole day on this (just hit “New Sequence” to make a new one)

    http://onlinesequencer.net/129266

    Good luck with the addiction shit. I’m impressed you stayed sober so long. I BELIEVE IN YOU. Talk to my fuckin dad, he can’t stay sober for a week and his wife’s been devoted to him since 1964 and he was a tenured academic in a field that pays well. Count your blessings.

  7. Lee Holloway August 29, 2015 at 7:24 pm #

    Sex addiction is real shit. I’m impressed by your commitment to get well. In order to support you I will immediately stop sending you pussy pics and dirty panties. Keep it up! 😌

    • Anal Trauma August 31, 2015 at 4:14 am #

      Are your stories real or just fiction? They’re deliciously raunchy. Could make a living out of them.

      • Lee Holloway August 31, 2015 at 6:41 pm #

        Most of them are real. The one about DT is fiction though, unfortunately.

  8. Alasko August 29, 2015 at 7:32 pm #

    Have you considered escaping L.A.?

  9. Guest August 29, 2015 at 8:10 pm #

    You have a real problem man and it’s good that you want to do something about it. But what is this supposed to accomplish? Sex addiction is not like other types of addiction; you can’t just go cold turkey on female interaction and hope your sex drive will magically disappear. Somebody above me got it right: you need some actual therapy, talk to a shrink.

    Unless feeling horny and miserable until you give up is what you’re really after.

  10. lolz August 30, 2015 at 7:10 am #

    Underage girls ahould always be stared at.

  11. Cody August 30, 2015 at 8:54 am #

    It’s probably a locational thing. I remember feeling like you do when I was in university. Having to suppress the urge to rape all day sure jacks up those cortisol levels.

    Maybe move somewhere that isn’t an endless sea of young women in leggings.

  12. Frank Lee August 31, 2015 at 11:15 pm #

    Have you ever had your testosterone checked?

    Low T correlates with depression, but also low libido. You don’t seem to have low libido. But it would be fascinating to find out that you have low T but your sexual desire is somehow psychological, a la addiction.

    Also DHT correlates with libido. I once took supplemental DHT for experimentation purposes. Made me hornier than I had been since I was a teenager.

    And on the flip side of that, if you block DHT it lowers libido. That’s what Propecia does. It’s used for balding prevention because DHT also correlates with male pattern baldness. But for some guys it kills their libido and their ability to get an erection. In a small percentage the effects are long lasting / permanent.

    So I wonder if you have high DHT. It doesn’t cause balding in the lucky ones who are genetically immune, and that could be you.

    So if you were getting desperate, you could try and take Propecia to lower your libido and then you might not feel sex-addicted anymore. But I don’t know, you could also fuck shit up.

    Dopamine also correlates with libido but that’s even more risky to mess with. Have you seen yourbrainonporn.com ? it’s all about internet porn addiction and how it’s essentially a dopamine addiction — which could be understood as the reward/pleasure-seeking neurotransmitter.

    If you have health insurance you could go to the doc and complain about Low T symptoms and ask to have him check your DHT too. Then you could do research on the internet about how to alter these hormone levels and you might be surprised at how much they can alter your psychological state.

  13. Ben September 1, 2015 at 11:14 am #

    it’s the start of a new month. who wants to do a 30-day NoFap challenge with me. we’ll support one another. digitally. using, you know, words of encouragement. daily phone calls. (no homo) (kinda homo)

    • Atlanta Man September 1, 2015 at 12:14 pm #

      I already jerked off three times today so I cannot help. I offer you absolutely no support, jerk off it is fun!!!

  14. Mack Schuylkill September 1, 2015 at 6:54 pm #

    I think all that list of prohibitions are good except #9, and “accidentally” #12 by corollary. You purge yourself of sexuality and you might go and binge after a day, a week, a month of sobriety. But I’m not you, even though I feel connected by that list you wrote. Probably many men can relate. I don’t write to get it out, instead I read a blogroll a mile long. To numb the loneliness, so it just gets to be an objective view: I’m isolated.

  15. Lou September 6, 2015 at 12:36 pm #

    Yo man, I really can’t relate to 6-9. Those sound like they might require therapy. Shit, previously I’ve been w/o a job, living with parents and I still thought a chick is lucky to be with me. Even if she’s better looking than me. I don’t know if that was a switch I flipped on or what, but it sure makes things easy.

  16. C September 7, 2015 at 5:39 pm #

    Read the last psychiatrist

    • C September 7, 2015 at 5:41 pm #

      The only highly educated pseudo-manosphere (aka anti-feminist) writer tackling the issue of crippling universal narcissism in 2015.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Sanctuary | Manosphere.com - August 29, 2015

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  2. Diary: My Brief Abstinence Career | delicioustacos - September 3, 2015

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