Birthday 2022

20 Feb

God, thank you for my life. It’s a good one. Continue reading

Eight Years of Sobriety

12 Feb

I failed at major life milestones. But I haven’t killed anyone with my car. Gone to jail, etc. It’s a wash. As much money as a dropout coke addict starting from negative net worth could expect. I don’t spend it. As a “high score” it’s pathetic compared to any autistic person. I’m better than I was. But I’m about to hit 46 and my big achievement over COVID was 20 grand on therapy to give up my dream of a wife and kid. Continue reading

It’s Over

30 Jan

What the fuck else. I’m a broken and defeated man. Spiritually castrated. It feels great. The dream, the wife and kid dream keeps trying to sneak back. But it’s gone. I let it go. Continue reading

The Old Man Chair

31 Dec

2021 sucked ass. You can tell because I was productive. Doubled my net worth. Huge progress on the new book. It’s the worst thing I’ve done. Got no pussy. Helped others. Improved important life skills. I did things that men on Twitter who fell ass backwards into money tell you to. Vitamin D, invested, all that shit. God damn did it suck. Continue reading

Agnes Kwon

11 Dec

She resembles Twitter user @gookcity

I saw Agnes Kwon on Hinge. The girl The Wolf Witch is about, and many other things. Do I message her, I thought on the toilet. I have money now. So it’s less embarrassing to date me. Continue reading

Bonita’s Pussy

11 Dec

Continue reading

A True Story about God

21 Nov

Picoides nuttallii -Olive View, Sylmar, California, USA -male-8.jpg

After I moved into my place in Echo Park, back when I was getting wasted every day, I got license plates in the mail. They belonged to the guy who’d moved out. I knew my landlady would know where he went. And I should say something. But I didn’t. I kept them. Because what if I need these plates. If I get in trouble for my crimes, I can put them on my 1979 Mercedes S Class. Leave town. They’ll think it’s another guy driving Idi Amin’s car. Continue reading

Dream Number 5

18 Oct

I had a dream that Isolde was pregnant. We were roommates. She was Mexican instead of Filipina. Some discussion that it might be mine. But she’d gone from not showing to a medium size bump instantly. She’d be about 4 or 5 months, we decided. So it was his. He was in the picture before me in this dream. She was wearing a midriff shirt. I could see the belly. Her being Mexican it might have had some downy hair. And she asked if I wanted to stay and take care of it. Continue reading

Reader Mailbag: You’re an Old Loser

12 Oct

Sure. But that’s not what I worry about. I felt like an old loser at 22. Of course I look back now, see a picture of myself– I look like a baby. I feel like an old loser now. When I look back at 65 I’ll laugh at how stupid I was. I know this. Knowing this does nothing. It doesn’t help at all. But then hearing it from you doesn’t hurt. It does nothing. I hope it helps you. But you’ll wake up tomorrow needing to leave mean comments. I’ll wake up feeling like an old loser. It’s just genetic. Continue reading

Dasha’s Movie

9 Oct

I’m in the lobby of the doctor’s office waiting for my cancer results. My FWB Isolde who looks like a 15 year old Filipina prostitute is going to the West Coast premier of Dasha’s movie. At the Los Feliz 3 with one of the other dudes she’s fucking. I forget if it’s the one I’m trying to not be threatened by. But it has to be. I took her to the Marine Mammal Care Center. They rehabilitate sick pinnipeds. We saw a female elephant seal. She’s hot– Isolde, not the seal– and she smells good, and when I look at her I can sense myself start to catch feelings. I let it pass. Continue reading