Life Is Beautiful

2 Jun

beans

Stop whining, people tell me. Continue reading

Her Pulsating Pussy

1 Jun

ling ma balls

Don’t read this if it’s about you.

I want to shoot goo in her and make her pregnant but she doesn’t have a good relationship with her parents. A surgeon and an electrical engineer. They haven’t spoken in ten years. I think about being the person who fixes the relationship. The hero. I need a twelve step program for Chinese women’s cunt mucus. Continue reading

Interview with the Pussy Vampire

24 May

cruise oprah

Here’s an interview I did with Chip Smith from Nine Banded Books. This will also be on Autistic Mercury. Possibly in print somewhere.

I wrote this before Roosh converted to Christianity and banned all mention of sex from his forum.

Like everything recently, it exists to plug my new book: Continue reading

Strap In, We’re Dying Alone

12 May

I’m not good enough, my book isn’t good enough, it’s not as good as Mike Ma’s book, I’m not tall enough– 6 foot 3 or above– I’m too fat, the bottom of my six pack has fat on it, I’m not handsome enough, not rich enough, my future earning potential is not high enough to start a family– $300K plus per year– my nose hairs are too long bristly and white, my dick is not big enough, my nuts not small compact tight and symmetrical enough, the nuts themselves are fucked up and then too my scrotum is too long. My butthole not hairless enough. My books don’t sell well enough. When they do it’s not to enough women. I don’t have enough guns crossbows and C4 explosives to protect my putative children when shit hits the fan. I’m not liberal enough. I’m too associated with future mass murdering incel Nazis. I’m just not cool. I’m not famous enough. I could do something about it but you know, who gives a fuck.

Why Don’t You Get a New Cat

21 Apr

I’m not done missing Bud. And I might leave America forever. Any moment. Any morning. Take my book money, buy a two way ticket to the Philippines. Throw the return ticket in the trash. You need it for the visa. Then again since Duterte no one checks. Continue reading

Coffee Shop Diary: Quite an Ass

31 Mar

 

I’m posting old unpublished material to draw page views for my novel Finally, Some Good News. This story is fictional, it never happened, and the guy in it is not me. I don’t get horny. Continue reading

Cuckolded by a Savage Armenian

10 Mar
lance05

image: Wizards of the Coast

I have a new post at Autistic Mercury reviewing the “Cat Person” short story collection.

Also: Continue reading