Some thought I forgot. Some thought I had while stretching. It wasn’t big enough to write. It was something I might have said on a podcast. And I thought: this thought is not a big enough deal to write down. Now it’s gone. Continue reading
Sex and Love Addiction
27 May
People tell me I seem calmer. Is it God or my testosterone. I can’t fuck so don’t give a shit about anything. My old sugar babies write me letters. They’re smart and interesting. But had shitty parents. So they make money fucking old men. You suffer from your father not being around, or from him being around. I love you girls. I want to wrap you in a warm blanket and hold you. Continue reading
The Bee
9 Apr
My life will have no meaning or purpose. But it’s nice out in the yard. I saw an unusual bee. Tried to take its picture. When I got the phone close it flew away. In the tall grass you can only see it when it moves. You wait for it to land. Try again to take a picture. The camera won’t focus. When it gets too close the bee flushes. You lose it for second. You see it flying, and it lands. I almost get upset about not getting a picture of the bee. But I don’t. You can take my word for it.
It was smaller than a normal bee. Whiter yellows. Glossier. Less furry. A small elegant bee. My life will have no meaning or purpose. But it’s nice out in the yard.
California Sensations
26 Mar
I had a dream I fucked my retarded cousin and my stepfather caught me. His anger and disappointment were unbelievably painful. It was clear he’d have me prosecuted and would cut me out of his life. Continue reading
Birthday 2023
19 Feb
I used to want billions to die. But age brings diminishment of passions. Now I just want one god damn night of eight hours sleep. I snap awake at 4-something AM every day for two weeks. I can feel it giving me Alzheimer’s. My one prominent face wrinkle fissuring deeply, ugly old failure etc.etc.. Whatever man. I always felt like this. Continue reading
Describe How You Feel in the Presence of God
15 Jan
I feel connected, at peace, unafraid of the future, of death, of whatever might happen. I feel relieved of guilt and anxiety. I feel like I’m an organism in nature just playing my role. A creature putting my song into the world, like the birds. Helping people when I can. Forgiven for my sins. I feel like I’m the way God made me and that’s enough.
I feel like I’m doing OK. Ways I fucked up were just part of the process. I’m part of the machine of creation. Just an atom. No better or worse than other atoms. Not a uniquely fucked up or malicious atom. I’m not bad at being a person any more than a mockingbird can be bad at being a mockingbird. It just is what it is, does what it does, according to how it was made. I feel like I’m part of something.
A Boring Post about Women
27 Dec
All right Valerie. I’m here at the coffee shop. The girl who rang me up for my hot green tea for here had a lisp, a little underbite. Pointy little tongue that can’t quite get behind her lips and teeth for sibilants. And there’s some sensory thing, some synesthesia from the sound, her sucking my dick, her tongue playing the tip like a pit viper tasting air, but I can’t follow that thought where it goes because I joined Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. Curtailing addictive behaviors. The other barista here’s a great big fat curly hair Mexican and I’d like her to suck my dick also. I want to give her an ass massage with baby oil and swim around in her crack. Frolic in it like a kid in a fire hydrant. Continue reading
Ooga Booga
30 NovOverheard in the Chinese Restaurant
I don’t know if you speak English. I don’t speak Chinese, OK. A week ago I came in here and I ordered the medium shrimp. It comes with ten shrimps. I looked in the box and counted seven shrimps. But there was a man working here, I don’t know if he’s here now- OK do you speak English. I’m sorry but I don’t speak Chinese. He told me the other three shrimps were at the bottom. I got home and I looked through the entire thing. The other three shrimps were not there. You owe me three shrimps. No, it was not that size. It was the medium. The medium comes with ten shrimps. I’m here to get the three shrimps that you owe me please. Do you understand me? I apologize but I have to speak to you in English. I don’t know if you speak English. I don’t speak Chinese. Continue reading
Prayer Number 8
30 Oct
Lord thank you for not giving me a woman. Thank you for my free time with the birds in the morning. Thank you for the space in my bed. The silence. Cooking what I want. Cleaning when I want. Not looking at texts when I want. Lord thank you for my early bedtime. Passing out watching James Bond. Listening to Youtubers talk about George R R Martin. Thank you for my new fat not mattering. Nose hairs not mattering. Thank you for working from home with no one here. Jacking off before meetings. Jacking off to women I knew. Who I’d hate to see now for any reason but fucking. Continue reading
You Can Give All This Up
29 Oct
All right good morning. You don’t have to post this month. This can be the month you don’t post. You can give all this up. Write a book every five years and do three interviews. Never tweet again. Never get in arguments. If this shit were gonna get you a woman it would have. You can play Xbox. You can watch Dr. No on Amazon prime. Not a bad movie. Jame Bond sucks but the first two are really good. The first two and Casino Royale. Continue reading
New Book
delicioustacos 