Sinus Infection

2 Jun

I’m tired.  Sick, hung over and tired. I have a sinus infection.  I got it from doing bad cocaine.  Three weeks ago.  I was at an “afterhours club,” some shithole next to that giant exterminator with the W.C. Fields cartoon sign off the 101.  Under the giant sign of cartoon W.C. Fields holding a mallet behind his back and waggling his finger at a mischievous rat.  Was out there until 4am because this girl Mona, this 19 year old stripper, was going there, and I thought– I thought I had a shot.  We were like, let’s go to an afterhours place and get some coke, and even though I was exhausted and drunk and thirty six years old, I had to go.  And of course she ended up rounding up five other dudes to come in the car and went home with another one of them.  So it goes.  I picked up a different girl there and she came back to my house and we did coke for several hours, occasionally taking a break for her to suck my coke-flaccid penis while I ate out her sweaty pussy and asshole.  Cocaine.

Anyway, this coke was shitty, as it tends to be.  Got it from a Hispanic fellow who came right up and offered it to me.  Felt like a boon.  But he said “hey, don’t do key bumps, this shit is lumpy.”  Well, thanks, but– what the fuck do you expect me to do in this crowded public space at four in the god damn morning?  I’m sorry my butler isn’t here following me around with his sterling silver coke tray and special bifurcated crystal straw.

So I did key bumps all night of this speedy lumpy coke and no doubt some especially jagged and toxic chunk embedded in my sinuses like a foxtail seed and has just been sitting there accruing a pearl of pure infection.  It will eat through my sinus wall and into my brain and I will become a retarded zombie or lose all control over the left half of my body.  My nostril has been fucking killing me for three weeks.  Deep in there, deep where if you inhale a little lake water it makes your eyeballs sting, there is a dry scab that cracks if I move my face and causes gouts of snot and blood to come pouring out of me.  And I keep thinking it will just go away, but every day I wake up and it’s worse.

What I need- what I need, obviously, are just some fucking antibiotics.  To get them, I would have to call my insurance company, find out about a doctor, maybe get assigned a primary care physician, find a primary care physician who is accepting new patients, etc. etc. Because I never go to the doctor; I never bother my insurance company or cost them a single penny; I just pay my fucking premiums and then do exactly what they want, which is incur exactly zero expenses for health care– because of this, the one time I do need health care, it will be a gigantic hassle involving spending my entire day listening to hold music to get it.  I just need a bottle of god damn pills that I should be able to walk down to Walgreens and buy off the rack.  But no, if we did that, everybody would always be taking antibiotics and we’d have superbugs and etc., but it’s OK to pump them into the ground up chickens that we feed to a city-sized warehouse full of other chickens.  That we can do.

And going to the doctor would take up four hours of my precious time away from work.  It would kill my whole weekend.  So fuck it.  I’m going to do nothing and continue to hope it just goes away.

4 Responses to “Sinus Infection”

  1. fakegirlfriend June 2, 2012 at 6:41 pm #

    i already got you a bottle of antibiotics–before reading this. i figured you needed them and as i have no health care and no money and not much hope for either i have nearly mastered alternative methods of medicine acquisition. so rest assured–they are fresh and not expired and i called my pharmacist mom to confirm that they are appropriate for your condition. I have them packed in a bag with the stone fruit i am bringing tomorrow to enjoy with the healthy dinner i plan to prepare.
    its too bad about the stripper and the sweaty pussy woman sounds a bore.
    but your fake girlfriend has your stupid back.
    get some rest.

    • Anonymous June 3, 2012 at 7:46 am #

      DT’s fake girlfriend, you are amazing. You are a better friend than any friend I hope to have.

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