What a Disgrace It Is for a Man to Grow Old without Ever Seeing the Beauty and Strength of which His Body Is Capable

23 Dec

You have a nice body, they tell me.  Or, you are fitter than the other guys I’m with.  They say it once.  That’s why I work out.  Hours and hours and hours.  Squat deep, ass to the grass.  I can feel my pelvis creaking like an old car’s ball joint that’s about to snap on the freeway.  You have a nice butt, they will tell me, once.  My knees feel like someone’s digging under the kneecap with a chisel for four days after leg day.  You have a nice “V” shape; you have that “V crotch.”  It feels like there’s a bird with a sharp beak trying to dig out of my guts the day after I do “core” day, which is to say, the day I fuck the floor using a wheel on a stick.  Dead lifts, calf raises.  I walk around like Bryan Cranston in Drive.  You have a nice body, they say in passing when I’ve fucked them already and who gives a shit.

10 Responses to “What a Disgrace It Is for a Man to Grow Old without Ever Seeing the Beauty and Strength of which His Body Is Capable”

  1. Anna December 23, 2012 at 4:48 pm #

    This is the first and probably the last time I will say this, because the yoga teacher part of me has very conflicting thoughts about the following statement:

    I think Bikram or hot yoga in general would be kind of awesome for you, partly because it would probably do good things for your admittedly troubled psyche and would aid in your fitness puruits. Partly because lots of hot women go to yoga classes.

    • delicioustacos December 23, 2012 at 4:58 pm #

      As you were posting this comment, I was literally typing the sentence “Join a yoga class, they tell you.” Watch this space.

      • Anonymous December 23, 2012 at 6:32 pm #

        You are the most physically attractive man I have ever known. Your body is remarkable to view and to touch its divine. I know I must have told you many times. Even when I can’t stand you it is an Undevatable truth. I recently found this awesome men’s shirt out here in the desert and I wanted t get it and put it on you. I stopped myself because I can’t just give you more gifts with my two birthday presents now two years late…but I ran my finger down the sleeve and could imagine feeling your arm and I sighed and said out loud to my shopping friend, “he is a real specimen, you know?’
        Just gorgeous DT.
        You don’t do anything generous with your flesh –you keep it for your vanity–not for any fun we might have if if we’re for us to play with.
        And you make me feel unattractove by compaerison. So it’s often a real negative issue
        But no doubt about it. You are like a marble statue of gorgeousness.

      • Anonymous December 23, 2012 at 6:34 pm #

        Lotsa typos in my iPhone comment below. Oh well

  2. Anonymous December 23, 2012 at 11:34 pm #

    They are your narcissistic gift. What you want, really, is probably love. And you are currently incapable of that. Must suck. For you. And also, your readers. Histrionic pussy.

  3. Anonymous December 24, 2012 at 2:13 am #

    I climbed aboard the gains train this year… I don’t know if I could do it just to get those passing compliments. For me it’s the pride gained from making steady and measurable progress which far outweighs any temporary pain.

  4. Anonymous December 24, 2012 at 3:28 pm #

    not that I’m anywhere near being in shape but when I was, the squats were the worst of all. I need to just have more sex while on top.

  5. jakebishop244 December 29, 2012 at 2:58 am #

    Is your mom reading this blog? You might get an ‘atta boy’ comment, if she does.

  6. Red Pill Woman April 13, 2013 at 8:43 pm #

    You write like Palahniuk.


  1. Male Body Image | delicioustacos - March 28, 2013

    […] do I even give a shit. I get laid plenty and they always say nice things about my body. But it’s not enough to be in the top ten per cent, the top five per cent. […]

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