Reader Mailbag: Do You Need a Muse?

8 Nov
image stolen from

image stolen from

I need two million dollars so I can fuckin retire. I can make a muse. I could fall in love with a fucking couch cushion. Find a way to think the couch cushion didn’t love me back. The couch cushion is fucking other guys. I’ll never find another couch cushion like her.

Any woman can be a muse. Just like any woman can be a fuck. Just project your self hatred and inadequacy on her. In my Ted Kazcynski dream cabin I could make an elk my muse. Why won’t this elk return my texts.

Every girl I half like is a muse. Because I drive her away with neediness. What I want is: cuddle on the couch. Have babies. Cook fuckin Betty Crocker pork chops. I want to love and care for someone. Women are appalled by this. So no matter where I start—we could be talking about someone who spends money to be near me—I’ll get hung up on her. Afraid she’ll never like me. Afraid I’ll never write again. What made her like me will go away. What will be left. Clark Kent, but ugly. Gray collar small dick office nebbish. My true self.

16 Responses to “Reader Mailbag: Do You Need a Muse?”

  1. Tom November 8, 2015 at 1:15 pm #

    Did you ever find out about your liver? You got the “Pam Anderson” hep or not?

    • delicioustacos November 8, 2015 at 1:20 pm #

      Clear of all forms of hep. Let me tell the public this once more: do not ever use condoms.

      • Ben November 8, 2015 at 1:28 pm #

        Re: liver/kidneys: Look into whether it’s because you eat too much pork.

        My cousin got near renal failure from too much pork, not enough veggies/fiber to balance it out. But that’s just 1 case. I get liver/kidney pain if I have too much meat/salt and haven’t balanced it out with high veggies for digestion.

        Also, Ted Kaczynski Dream Cabin would make a killer grunge band name.

      • K-hole November 8, 2015 at 1:43 pm #

        Yes, sir!

      • oscarchambers November 8, 2015 at 3:01 pm #

        Condoms are a scourge and should be avoided.

      • Anonymous November 9, 2015 at 1:16 am #

        I’m glad to hear it man. I hope whatever it is/was, is nothing serious.

  2. JD November 8, 2015 at 1:43 pm #

    The irony of the jungle we live in now is that the less you care the more interested they are. But if you don’t care, there’s nothing in it for you. Pretend not to care then … great, just great.

    Were women always viscerally repulsed by actual male affection? Are they brainwashed by the culture today? Or maybe the old culture brainwashed them and they’re awake now?

    • oscarchambers November 8, 2015 at 3:04 pm #

      Women just look at the world from only their perspective, from their perspective it doesn’t make sense for anyone to be that nice them or care about them so much.

      • Father O'Hara November 8, 2015 at 3:53 pm #

        So far so good.I hope that big fat nigger has gotten bored and stopped coming around here.

      • Atlanta Man November 9, 2015 at 11:57 am #

        I’m a nigger, he’s a nigger, she’s a nigger, we’s some niggers wouldn’t you like to be a nigger too? (Dr Pepper on that ass!)

        You need that Mexican Girl to come back and cause you to do some introspection while having her fine ass around. She focused you enough to get out those last three kick ass posts, and the thirst she inspires on Tinder is endlessly entertaining. She sure as shit ain’t helping that sorry ass poet write, the bullshit poem he left in the last comments section was garbage-she should come hang out with you some more, some loneliness might help that poet write something decent…..or kill himself.

  3. antonella November 8, 2015 at 4:51 pm #

    Dude, just become a professor at a college or move to southeast asia. You’d make a good professor.

    • antonella November 8, 2015 at 4:53 pm #

      Fuckit, I take it back. Maybe you’re just too normal for american women? There’s some deranged creatures out there.

  4. Lee Holloway November 10, 2015 at 10:39 am #

    This post is great, as always, and yes, I do believe you could fall in love with a couch cushion and then resent it for not loving you back. Lord knows I have. But the previous post is a brilliant nightmare. Why is no one commenting on it?!

  5. Cucked Ryan DeLuca Sexy Wife (Link) November 12, 2015 at 3:43 pm #

    Even if you were a millionaire.

    The founder and ex-CEO of got cheated on. He’s a rich, good looking dude and his blonde young trophy wife chose to cheat on him with Dan Bilzerian.


  1. The Word From The Dark Side – November 6th, 2015 | sovietmen - November 8, 2015

    […] Update: he’s back with a characteristically cheerful post.  And there’s another. […]

  2. Reader Mailbag: Do You Need a Muse? | - November 8, 2015

    […] Reader Mailbag: Do You Need a Muse? […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: