Shit I Didn’t Post in 2015 (Part 3)

24 Dec



Now I’m outside trying to write and there’s literally a god damn mariachi band playing. Loud power tools from the fucking construction on the neighbor’s house. What’s next. Someone needs to come blow a vuvuzela in my ear. The high school gong corps needs to bash 1600 gongs inside my asshole. A chorus of roosters needs to crow for the dawn while a herd of elephants is burned alive. Someone needs to make me wear a jet engine for a hat and blast 15,000 Mexican car alarms inside my skull.


The Best Writer in the Manosphere

So we posted a not great piece. But this is an experiment. Treat writing like a job. Post every day. What happens. You get sucked into the tyranny of posting every day. Start crafting your shit around that. So what. What are you going to lose, your reputation as the “best writer in the manosphere?” Who cares.

El Chuco wants to go to Brazil. But he wants to go to fuck whores. I just want to see the Amazon. Freshwater dolphins. One million varieties of unusual catfish. Doradids. Sloths. Naked people in huts.

I want to fuck whores too. But now I have moral awareness of the effects of my actions. Fuck a third world hooker, you create demand for a system of sexual slavery. Especially underage hookers. The best kind.

If I spoke to my sponsor about this, he’d say: don’t go. Don’t dig further into filth, compulsion, degeneracy. Hurting people. God’s creatures, these girls.

Plus they make you use condoms; what’s the point.


Philippines Diary: Little Brown Fucking Machines

Landed in Manila at 5am. Got a cab to Makati and fucked a street hooker I picked up at Kenny Rogers’ Roasters. Also tried the chicken. It was OK. Like a high school cafeteria in an area with high property taxes. No longer Kenny’s culinary vision. But I crossed it off my bucket list.

It was 240 pesos. The girl was 500. I caught a break since I was the night’s last trick. Picked her because she was the first one who was clearly a woman. Half of them are ladyboys. She asked to take a shower. Wouldn’t let me look at her. Shy, she said. Shy. OK. She didn’t want to take her top off. I have a stretch marks. They all do, they all have babies. That’s why they’re here. Father is some ricedick Pinoy who took off for another island when he heard. She sucked my dick and I watched her fourteen year old looking monkey face move on my cock and I asked you have condom. No, she said. Is OK. We better get one, I said. This was before I smartened up, started fucking them raw.

Now: no more hookers. Now I gotta see monkeys and jungles and shit. Stand next to an urchin with a rooster for my Tinder photo. The problem is, while I’m in the NBA of horniness, I’m traveling with Michael Jordan. His thirst for whores is terrifying. They whisper of him in the dark corners of the barrios: the demon comes.

I can’t slag the guy. It took five days to break me of the thirst. The deaf girl did it. Out of a go go bar in (REDACTED– how many deaf hookers are there in a small Filipino town). These places, you go in; awful pop music is playing. Or maybe some shit like Tim McGraw. Girls in bikinis stand listlessly on stage in the 63 pesos per pack counterfeit Marlboro smoke, maybe halfheartedly pantomiming a fourth grade talent show dance routine. Fat ruddy faced Australians half-watch them, talk to each other about other girls they fucked. Five or ten girls in a small place. All of them, you would definitely respond to their OKCupid message in LA. Three of them hot enough to date a bass player in an indie band that tours. One of them hot enough for the singer. You think: they all cost the same. So pick the hottest one. And you’d be a fool. The fat deaf girl with the tattoo, her little girl eyes and inchoate squealing as I almost but not quite filled her quintuplets. I’ll dream of her forever.

They can’t have abortions. You mention abortion, they react with horror and disgust. Conversely they don’t look at having a baby with horror and disgust. The reverse of America. At home it takes women 20 years to come around to the idea that a kid isn’t so bad. It isn’t quite the worst thing that can happen to you. They believe this as soon as they can’t have non-autistic kids. We’re approaching Shulamit Firestone’s idea. Equality between the sexes, only possible if you separate women from reproduction. When second wave feminism makes it to the jungle we’re fucked.


Let’s Spread AIDS

I have to write about my ex. How she hurt me. Except my neighbor is playing loud Mexican music. Like all stupid people she turns the bass all the way up. Earplugs in. The bass beats through. Thump thump thump– crude jungle rhythms. Or desert cactus rhythms, whateverthefuck it is. This is all I can think about. I hate her, for being a primitive demon monkey. But also myself for noticing. For being awakened by a leaf landing on a pillow 50 miles away. How did people ever sleep. Civilization was built so a man could get a black quiet room. The living grave. Instead I get loud music, big motorcycles. Flashing lights, clowns screaming Spanish on TV, big hub caps. Stupid people, their worlds like Fisher Price mobiles.

My dad has sepsis. In the ICU with tubes in him. I can never figure out how bad it is. He’s been edge-of-dying bad for almost 20 years. He stopped drinking. I used to think he stayed alive because he continued to drink and smoke. But I quit drinking and didn’t die. Instead, I became able to accept humiliating work and contribute to society. Pay taxes and bills, not have kids, not have a girlfriend, chase women who are being chased by 10,000 louder shinier men. Give up, give up. I come home alone to my cat every night and look at stupid shit on the internet and you know what: it isn’t bad. I like it. Make cheap chicken and jerk off. Yes, it would be nicer if the AA girls weren’t so god damn old and ugly but what are you gonna do. They must think the same of me. My fucking wicked witch of the West face. I have a good body but people don’t just walk around naked. You only find out I’m hot when you’re already gonna fuck me.

I have this fear I’ll die alone. But more unbearable is other people. I need a slave. I need a Filipino family to sell me their 13 year old daughter. Thinking I’ll send them mighty American dollars every time I get a pitiful garbled facebook message: their caribou broke his leg.

It’s not enough to have money. Others must be poor. I need hurricanes and wars, I need famine so worm ridden landmine victims sell me their kids cheap. I make money now but what’s the point. I live in LA where every hack has a fleet of Maseratis. Rent costs more than a median salary and people ask me when are you going to move out of that ratty apartment. Untenable here. Then you look at craigslist in towns like fucking Monrovia, the rents are higher and higher. Bachelor studio where it’s illegal to plugin a toaster oven. There’s a pool but it has Sinaloa cartel machete hits floating in it: $1800. Suddenly you have to cling to your $1500 dollar one bedroom like it’s your insulin. Pray your senile old landlady doesn’t crack and sell out to some development firm. I have no plan for when I lose my place to live. Then again, today I have it. I love it. I love the park outside. The squirrels.

Not enough to make money. We’re in an upturn. Money only matters when others are poor. Good looks only matter when others are ugly. I need to get better or I need everyone else to get worse. I could accept my blessings and live in the moment. Serve other people and be a channel of Thy peace. But I’d prefer to harm others. Let’s spread AIDS.

7 Responses to “Shit I Didn’t Post in 2015 (Part 3)”

  1. olivermaerk December 25, 2015 at 1:47 am #

    Great, like the other parts. My favorite this time was the story about the Philippinian women.

  2. celibatehottie December 25, 2015 at 5:24 am #

    Not all filipinas are “monkey faced” as you say… some of us are ridiculously hot… anyway, I’ve been reading your stuff on and off for the past few years and despite some of the slightly offensive things you write about, you seem like a decent, smart and funny guy overall. I hope you find what makes you happy.. I too am an angeleno… I’ve gotta admit, finding “love” is nearly impossible here. Especially on the eastside. Which is why I’ve turned to celibacy. A bit extreme? Maybe. But totally worth it. Have you ever tried being celibate for a full year? Does wonders for ya, highly recommend it.

    • Father O'Hara aka Adolf Hitler's Skid Marks On His Underpants December 25, 2015 at 11:34 pm #

      I’d love to have you suck me dick

    • Atlanta Man December 26, 2015 at 8:15 am #

      Being celibate is awful.I enjoyed the blog post though.

    • BlackCockofZeus December 28, 2015 at 1:30 pm #

      Smash raw $20?


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