Corona Diaries

26 Mar

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What am I doing now? Writing in in the park. Out of the house. Little cold but beautiful. What did I do before. Shot bow and arrows. Mostly looked at Twitter. My brain deteriorating. I don’t want to be typing this now. Want to look at Twitter. Let yourself relax. Cancelled my doctor’s appointment. Didn’t get the mail. I did go to the grocery store, probably doomed my cashier Sophie whose crotch I’d like to chart to the millimeter with my taste buds to certain death by Wuhan coronavirus. Earache is not a symptom of coronavirus. My ear hurts because I bit my tongue. Throat hurts for the same reason. Inflammation around the trigeminal nerve. But now my nose running a little. Rare symptom of coronavirus. It’s coronavirus.

Anyway what else. I’m just relaxing. I don’t want to fucking write anything. I suppose I could do lat pullups on the playground equipment. People are out. Walking their dogs, playing tennis. It’s normal out here. A woman has a large ass. Thank God, this is still America.

**

Feeling better after talking to Nikol. Seeing a person. Touching a person. Trying her 70 pound autism comfort blanket. Drilling the wall mount for her TV into the studs in her walls and not fucking it up. Not sinking the 4 inch lag bolts into drywall and having the armature and television crash to the tile floor and shatter in a million pieces of glass and sharp wire ends and rare earth minerals, which was what I expected. I didn’t think I could install her TV mount. I told her I could so I could be with another person.

Fucking sick of the coronavirus. I got paranoid a month ago. Stockpiled food. Started working from home. Rest of the city has been under three days and for me it’s thirty. Let me tell you what it’s like ahead of the curve. It sucks. I need some pussy.

I’ve got good at shooting my 25 pound draw weight Precision Shooting Equipment Heritage Razorback takedown target bow. Which I bought to menace home invading Latinos but turns out is the gateway to a satisfying hobby. I watch archery videos. I was recommended that one video with two hot teenage girls shooting in an archery competition. Noticed the hotter, winning Colombian girl puts her “anchor point,” the place where she rests the string, dead center on her mouth and nose. She gets 10’s about every time. I adopted this technique. Now I never miss. I’d like to have sex with her unless she’s 17 years, 11 months, 29 days and 23 hours old in which case that’s disgusting.

Planted my beans and squash. Still need to get my corn seeds. Still need– that’s something I should do today, go to the nursery and get a couple blueberry plants. Everyone is social distancing. Everyone is staying six feet away. I’m done doing that shit.

I just coughed. I have coronavirus. I’m going to drown in pus on a respirator, etc. Nikol, put out the new book. Give my nieces and nephews the proceeds, split evenly.

**

I caused coronavirus. I prayed please God destroy society. God being a Rod Serling character said are you SUUUUUUURRRRRRE and I said yes and he made it so I still have to work but still somehow everything’s collapsing. Stuck in the house, no human contact, my testosterone cratering and Angela can smell my unmanliness through the phone and acts like a cunt to me. I’m just trying to make conversation, bitch.

What I pictured was getting on a plane to the Philippines, where society is pre-collapsed. Just impregnating teenagers again and again. It hasn’t been like this.

**

God please give me the patience to do the best I can with this book. To give my readers the best experience. Anyway here we are. No urgency. What to do today. I fucked Cara but couldn’t cum. Maybe because she’s too normal. Daisy’s too hairy. Maybe jogging lowered my testosterone. Maybe isolation lowered my testosterone. Maybe I’ve isolated and lowered my testosterone which will lead me to isolate and lower my testosterone and etc. etc. until what. I grow tits, the tits make me horny, it increases my testosterone. My dick falls off and I have a pussy but nothing to fuck it with. There’s a story idea. Camille Paglia androgyny. I have no dick and I must fuck.

**

I forget what day it is and I have conference calls. Kevin’s listening to music. He screamed at the meter reader yesterday. Big loops of caution tape around his gate, which is good, it makes people think there’s coronavirus up here in our cottages. He’s been awake ten days. I’m afraid he’ll be blasting music, stomping and screaming when the conference call’s going on. What are you gonna do.

Just make your fingers move on a keyboard until 8:15. No audience. No one here but me. This is already self conscious and stupid. I’m in a post pussy reality. I’ll never have kids. Corona will eat my balls. Looking at a clip of Pat Sajak’s hot daughter– he had her when he was 47. Larry David had kids when he was 47. All I need is a syndicated TV show and hundreds of millions of dollars.

Holy fucking God are you kidding me– they’re landscaping right now before 8AM. Is this a fucking essential business. The gun store’s closed but the fucking illegal landscapers with illegal power tools can weed whack and leaf blow the fucking cunt neighbor’s bungalow to perfection. How–

Glad I don’t have the gun because I might go over there and blow the guy into ground chuck blood and bone chips. Every business has to close but the fucking landscapers out there 12 hours a day. Always the house near me that gets early bird service at the fucking crack of doom. I went and looked and the guy was older, my age or more, fat, bald, clearly a father supporting his family, I wouldn’t have shot him. Anyway kick out all the illegals and make landscaping illegal. Lawnmowers should be illegal. How the fuck do you have grass.

The end of the world happened and it sucked. They’re still landscaping. No dates but still work. The work is half normal and half weird menial horseshit made hard by the quarantine. Maybe I shouldn’t have the gun. Maybe I should store it with the combination lock. Maybe I should take care to pause and reflect before I fire without warning on a guy whacking weeds in my cunt white girl fucks dogs neighbor’s bungalow.

Are we gonna lay people off. Not me. The end of the world happened but you can’t travel, can’t get pussy, you’re just alone on Twitter all day reading about this stupid gay virus that kills some preposterously small amount of people, like 14% of people over 80 who have cystic fibrosis, but what if it does eat your balls. Need to see some studies on whether Chinese men’s testicles recovered. Not hearing any more talk about 30% reduced lung capacity permanently, impaired fertility… anyway maybe this is a post. How about a punchline: penis.

**

There’s a gopher in the yard. I’m looking at a beautiful gopher right now. Sticking his or her head up from the burrow. Investigating a twig. I don’t want to hurt or displace this gopher. Yet I have to clear land for this year’s garden.

Anyway I’ll probably have sex later so that’s good. I should also jog.

4 Responses to “Corona Diaries”

  1. chezgr@y March 26, 2020 at 12:05 pm #

    for a second i thought you were calling the tv a 70 pound autism blanket. beautiful metaphor

    glad you’re not shooting the landscapers but if you see any bankers or media execs….

  2. normie March 27, 2020 at 8:37 pm #

    I’m a founder in a new think tank that instead of investing in thoughts or whatever will instead try to affect change by creating resorts to impregnate verifiably legal African teens. We believe all the continent needs is some reliable daddies who can educate as they go. Maybe it’s a crazy dream, maybe just a drop in the ocean, but we’re looking for self starters who manifest success and never say never.
    I would like to try a 6 month trial period where you can try writing the press releases, if it works out maybe you can become the chief communications officer. The last guy started babbling after getting a rash that did not inspire confidence. There wont be any healthcare during the trial period but we can bring you out to see how well you can mesh with the work culture.

  3. drakecharmer March 28, 2020 at 3:23 am #

    I just finished reading your entire blog in order from beginning to end. It took me about a year. Your writing is excellent. It’s really inspiring. Thank you for keeping at it so diligently all these years.

  4. liberal guy online March 28, 2020 at 4:09 pm #

    i luv ur writing, very gud!

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