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Internet Pussy: The Cave of Forgotten Dreams

11 Apr

I’m good at internet dating.

This means I’m good at taking a girl out, getting her a little drunk, and then fucking her.  I’m good at steering the second date to dinner at my house so I don’t have to drive to get laid.  I hear a lot of “I’m not usually like this” so I figure, you know, I must be onto something.*

Anyway.  Point being, I am good at internet dating, and that is horrible, because it’s one of those things that if you’ve had enough practice to be good at it you’ve failed in some larger sense.  Like— being good at pulling your own teeth.  Being good at showing people you’re not a pussy when you show up to a new prison.  It’s awesome that you’re a badass but the idea is that you figure your shit out and don’t have to go back. I wanted a relationship out of this, not 5,000 pieces of pussy.  I wanted some god damn companionship.  Someone I can call when the clouds are pretty or something and say, you know, go look at the pretty clouds.

Instead, I have merely gotten a ton of meaningless ass.  And then I’ve taken the confidence from getting that ass and taken it into the real world to get other, even more meaningless ass.  And it’s made me complacent.  Maybe there is viable girlfriend material out there but I can’t be bothered to look for it because I’m driving out to Sherman Oaks to bone some nineteen year old.** Continue reading