and “there,” “their” and “they’re–” I need a chick who throws a diæresis in “coöperate,” and an “æ” in “diæresis,” but doesn’t use a diæresis in “diæresis” because you are not, without this forewarning, going to pronounce “diæresis” as though “iæ” were a a monosyllabic diphthong. I need a chick who carefully searches for the correct combination of keys to make a circumflex over “rôle,” but ONLY when discussing a part played by an actor. I need a chick who says “AN historian.” In fact, she better really hammer the “ANNNNN” in a sly nod to anyone else out there who thinks someone who says “a historian” is an illiterate savage. I wouldn’t date anyone who says “I would like” unless they’re talking about some counterfactual fantasy universe. I wouldn’t like to date that person. See, I can say it, because I’m not really ever gonna hear someone say “I would like to go out with you” outside of a counterfactual fantasy universe. I’m never gonna hear someone use the correct “I should like to go out with you,” either, but I WOULD really fucking like to date that person. She’d have studied classics and she’d use words like “Grecism” pronounced as though it had a cédille, but she would cringe a little every time because pronouncing a “c” like that is the fucking opposite of a Grecism.
Also, no fat chicks.