How do you deal with the fact that your sex is so terrible? Seriously. Don’t deny it either. Don’t describe the difference as a slight diminishment of pleasure offset by a vast boost to one’s sense of well being or whateverthefuck. It is a near-total diminishment of pleasure. It is fucking in name only. It’s the difference between gorging on a sumptuous feast and getting your nutrients from an IV.
I’m scared of STD’s too. Or wait, no, I am not at all scared of STD’s. But I’m not scared of STD’s the way the guy who regularly drives on 12 beers is not scared of DUI’s. I’m over-cocky. The first time I rawdogged I was of course convinced I had Herpes and AIDS and my sperm containing precum seed had created a swarm of demonic retards in the belly of a woman whom I never wished to speak to again. The second time felt a bit less like this, the third time even less… and now, on the ten thousandth time– I feel absolutely no concern whatsoever; I’m certain that fully unprotected sex will have absolutely zero consequences. Since I pull out, which is as effective as condoms. But when you get complacent, that’s when they pop you.
Maybe I should be scared. Maybe a little fear is reasonable, but… when you’ve been paralyzed by fear of something, and then it doesn’t happen, you are inured to fearing that thing again. Just like they tell you pot is a gateway drug and drugs in general are gonna fry your brain like an egg and make you dive into an empty pool and when I grow up I want to be a track star (cut to footage of a dude running down an old lady like a lion jumping a wildebeest and jacking her purse)… $15 for sex isn’t normal, but it is on meth…. then you actually smoke pot and all that happens is suddenly Steve Miller music actually sounds kind of good and strawberry ice cream tastes amazing. No satanic hallucinations or freakout heart attacks, no planes dropping out of the sky from bombs funded by the dime bag money that went to terrorist cartels… you just had a kickass couple hours and are looked at as less of a loser by your peers. Same shit happens with LSD, with cocaine, with heroin… it becomes so painfully obvious that anti drug propaganda is absolutist fearmongering bullshit conceived by horrible unlaid squares no one would ever want to hang out with, that any anti drug message, anything that agrees with these dickless Mormons even tangentially, must also be bullshit. Doing heroin three times a week can’t be that bad, if these fucking jerkoffs are against it.
Same deal with sex ed. With STD’s. You know, they shouldn’t even tell straight boys that there is such a thing as AIDS. Or awareness of it should be as widespread as awareness of Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Progressiva. You tell a kid who just wants to fuck about AIDS and it gets bundled up in all the other ways he feels his sexuality is wrong. It’s God’s punishment for fucking. He’ll spend wasted years not fucking or having pleasureless robot sex with condoms and tearing his hair out at night, still convinced he has AIDS. You cannot get AIDS from putting your dick in a pussy. Or you can, but the odds are roughly the same as being gored by a walrus. Telling straight boys to be wary of AIDS is like mandating that every home have a fire alarm that is just constantly going off no matter what.
And on and on with all the other STD’s. I have such a reaction to STD panic bullshit that I’m admittedly an extremist on the other side. I basically believe virtually no heterosexual person or Lesbian ever gets STD’s, or at least, no one like me. I believe that it’s all a scam put forth by confused and hurt individuals in that weird spot on the political circle where far left severely molested feminists meet far right closeted gay boyfucking preachers; broken dogmatic weirdos with such a burning hatred for male sexuality that they want to eradicate the pleasure in it that they fear and envy. I rawdog strangers constantly because I think these people are so full of shit that nothing they say can ever be even 1 per cent true.
What is the ratio of people you know who have STD’s to people you know who have texted you panicked that they thought they had an STD. 1 to 100? 1 to 1,000?
Anyway, here’s what I think of STD’s:
- AIDS/ HIV: huge in the gay comunity. Shigellosis also happens in the gay community: in the gay community and rural Uganda where they drink from the sewer, and those are the only two places. It’s because they put their bloody dicks in unclean shitpipes. Weird Third World parasites happen in the gay community. AIDS is huge in the gay community because there is more dialogue in gay porn than gay guys actually have before they fuck. They fuck hundreds and hundreds of dudes and the manner of fucking is to brutally jam their lacerated and open sore covered cock in a bloody shitty unlubed asshole. And that’s OK– there should be no moral judgment about this, because indiscriminate sex is what all men wish they could do. Gay men are just being men. But when your world is just a giant NSA fuck playground and everyone’s cut up and bloody, of course you are going to get AIDS. Also huge in Africa, which: I think tons of Africans are just closetedly fucking dudes in the ass. Like the Taliban. Any wildly homophobic culture, the second the lights go out, it is a man on man buttfuck fest. But these guys are all on the downlow so they then have to go fuck women too, and give them the AIDS.
- Herpes: Herpes is something you get once, most of the time, and then it goes away and never comes back. And we all have the Herpes virus and cold sores are herpes and etc., but… I’m talking real dick Herpes. You get it once and it goes away. I’m a hypocrite here because I have not fucked people when they told me they had Herpes, but if I got it I wouldn’t panic. I would just get into some kind of Herpes scene where everybody fucks constantly. Probably a lot of fun. Also, condoms don’t prevent it, so– another argument just to rawdog.
- HPV: a ghost STD where they tell you some huge per cent of the population has it but shows no symptoms, and it’s just lurking in your genitals forever waiting to give you cancer. Cervical cancer is a problem in India apparently. Not here. HPV gives you cancer one one millionth of the time, otherwise it just goes away. It shows up, it does nothing, and then it just goes away. Completely. Forever. Condoms don’t stop it. Everyone has it. It has no symptoms, you can’t test for it, and it goes away on its own. Great. Sign me up.
- Bacterial STD’s: obviously you can just take antibiotics. Get the fuck out of here with this shit, it’s like trying to scare me with an ear infection.
- Syphilis: gives you a huge unmistakeable chancre when it shows up that makes it impossible to misdiagnose. Also cured by antibiotics. The only way an STD could be more polite is if it mailed you an engraved card telling you you had Syphilis and exactly what to do about it.
- Hepatitis C: feels like another gay one to me. Or needle junkie stuff. They should figure out how to cure it but for Christ’s sake, this feels like a Johnny Come Lately that saw a bandwagon already overcrowded with bullshit STD’s and said “me too.” No one you know has Hepatitis C.
Point being, none of this stuff even gets a tenth of the way toward condom sex being worth it. Remember the last time you rawdogged? How it was the best feeling in the world. The closest you’ve ever been to heaven. A deep visceral affirmation of your purpose in the universe. Then remember how you had the cold sweats about getting AIDS for a minute, but then it didn’t happen? Because it never, ever happens? Remember how you were actually good at fucking because you could feel the inside of the pussy, unlike when you fucked with a condom and you felt maybe a vague squeezing and some difference between hot and cold but generally your cock was like a numb stick and you were blindly grinding away like a dumb fourteen year old busting his cherry and you could tell the woman had total contempt for your fucking skills? Remember that?
Anyway. Fuck condoms. Everyone knows they fucking suck; anyone who says they don’t mind using them is lying. And if you are in a relationship and using condoms, you need to beat your girlfriend.