Someone Copypasted My OKCupid Profile

24 Aug

(Note: this post is old; the guy took “his” profile down.  Thus, no link.)

I was gonna give him the “Brilliant Profile” award, but I don’t want to blow his game.  In fact, nobody send him a message about it or anything.  I don’t want to tip him off.  I posted about this on reddit too so I’m sure he’s getting a million visitors.  A million scruffy dudes from the East Coast and Canada between the ages of nineteen and twenty five, is who uses reddit apparently.  But don’t tip him off.

Because I want to see how it goes for him.  I want to reach out to him in the most delicate way possible and say: bro, does this get you laid?  Like, I should have done this ages ago.  Set up a profile with the same text except the guy is twenty three and his photos look like Robert Pattinson was left in the oven slightly longer than the instructions on the package.  Would my inbox be exploding with hot nineteen year olds?  He’s in NY, too– is NY really easier than LA?  Supposedly there’s a glut of men here and a glut of women there.  Supposedly out there, you know, the girls gotta play by the boys’ rules and will fuck you after meeting you on the subway.  Out there the buildings are made of ice cream and the pigeons shit gold nuggets and the girls just walk up and start sucking you off because they all want to be Carrie Bradshaw or Gossip Girl, right?

This reminds me of the time that I saw a dude who looked exactly like me driving in the car in the next lane over.  He had a girl with him, and I couldn’t quite make out her face.  So I pulled up closer beside him, but the light changed, and I ended up having to do all these Starsky & Hutch moves all over a crowded LA street trying to get a glimpse of this chick. I needed to see if she was hot.

I wonder what the other guy thought— like, what is your reaction when your doppelganger screeches up out of nowhere in a weird old car and starts boxing you in at high speed on a city street?  He must have thought it was some supernatural shit.

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