Archive | November, 2012

Corporate Training Video Review: “Sexual Harassment: Issues for Today’s Workforce”

8 Nov

The proudest day of my life

Sexual Harassment is an important and complex issue in today’s corporate environment, I am told by the same woman who reminds you that all agents are currently assisting other customers.  This course will train you in recognizing inappropriate and harmful behavior in today’s corporate workplace.  Our company cares deeply about your physical and emotional safety and that of your colleagues, managers and vendors.

You will be shown a series of videos and asked a series of questions corresponding to the scenes presented. Once all six videos are complete, you will be asked to take a final comprehensive quiz.  If you’re ready to begin, press “next.”

Chapter One: The Business Trip

Ron is Ann’s manager.  They’re getting off a plane in an unnamed town, then they’re in a hotel hallway.  Ann is attractive.  Asian.  She is pretty but not too pretty. She is probably not the prettiest girl in the office but there is something about her.   You can tell by Ron’s eyes that he’s going to head straight to his hotel room and beat off to her after that long plane ride.  He had considered jerking off in the airplane toilet so he could get a little jizz on his finger and then pretend to brush a piece of hair out of her face, maybe close to her lips. Ron is that kind of guy.  A shark in the boardroom and the bedroom.  As Ann is opening her room he tells her he’s eyeing her for “the big promotion.”  This is the kind of world where people talk about “sales projections” and “synergizing” and “the big promotion,” because it is written by people who have never had jobs.  Their concept of the workplace is from commercials for office supplies. Their boardrooms look like the “I Wanna Sex You Up” video.  And Ron wants to sex her up.  Would she like to have dinner with him in the hotel restaurant tonight.  We can discuss your future at the company.  If you get this position we will be working together… very… closely.  The kind of ellipses that can only mean “fucking.”  Ann’s eyes tell us that she knows exactly what he means.  Ron, I would love to discuss the promotion with you but I think it’s best that we do so back in the office. I would prefer to unwind alone tonight. Continue reading

Protected: 2012 California and Los Angeles Voter Guide

6 Nov

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The Big Book of Girls Who Won’t Fuck Me Volume Five

4 Nov

The worst thing in the world is a good looking chick who fucks everybody but won’t fuck you, and I know a ton of girls like that. Why do I keep them in my life. I mean, who cares; they are good people and good friends and would give their right arm for me; they’re fun to talk to and go out with and if another chick sees them and thinks I’m fucking them then they’re doing they’re job. You don’t have to fuck everybody.

But you do have to fuck everybody so fuck them for not fucking me. You know who you are. What the fuck is your problem. I’ve been around you alone and drunk, I’ve made a move. You rebuffed me; it was insulting. I’ve seen what you fucked. What human schwag pulled of a crime of opportunity.

But it’s too late now. I’ve known you for years and those are the years when you mattered. Now it’s over. Oh well. You for one didn’t miss out on much. I can’t fuck worth shit. But still. I hope you get hit by a truck.

Passions: A Love Story, Part Two

1 Nov

Part One

September 23, 2012

from: Filbert B. Kim (fkim@goldbergkimllc.com)
to: Patricia Wong (twong@goldbergkimllc.com)

Tricia,
 
Some comments:
 
1)      When you have a case name, and you put the words “et al.” after the first plaintiff’s name or first defendant’s name, there must be a comma after the first plaintiff’s name or first defendant’s name.  I have seen this grammatical error repeated, so I do not think this mistake was inadvertent.  Now, you know the rule, so please do not repeat the same mistake.
 
2)      Vartan Gregorian, of Goldman, Silverman & Hastings, is not in the arbitration.  He represents Gorog Nasroobian, the co-defendant who is not part of the arbitration, and who was expressly excluded from the arbitration by his own choice and then the subsequent court order.  Thus, instead, the letter should have been addressed to only Patrick Silverberg and Herbert Pinkney, the two co-counsel for the primary defendant, Oleg Krikorian.  Krikorian is indeed part of the court-ordered arbitration.  But Patrick Silverberg was not even listed in your original letter.  Those are the two relevant co-counsel: Patrick Silverberg and Herbert Pinkney.  Get familiar with their names.
 
3)      There should be two spaces between a period at the end of a sentence and the first word to begin the next sentence.  In this letter, you consistently only put one space.  I have seen recent briefs where you have interchangeably used one space and two spaces.  Sometimes three spaces.  I have had to make repeated changes in this letter and those recent briefs as a result.  This is unacceptable.  Two spaces.  That’s it.
 
You are now a senior associate. The standards set for you are higher than before.  I hope and expect you will meet them.

Respectfully,

Filbert

She needed money.  She had a kid, a 14 year old, the son of some guy from when she was 17.  The guy had owned a car.  That was what had qualified him for fatherhood. He could drive up a block away from the group home and take her to movies and parties.  She squatted on top of him in the back seat; he hadn’t even moved the combination snow brush and ice scraper with the Peak™ antifreeze logo on it, a nice picture of mountains.  Afterwards there was a mirror imprint of the mountains on her shin.  Men with absolutely nothing happening in their lives and no futures just cum in girls.  I mean, why not. Continue reading